The Swingers Attic

Not feeling good about myself after swapping

by on Sep.26, 2010, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others, Sexuality

Question:

I have done 2 full swaps now and I have enjoyed it both times. My problem is that afterwards I feel like a slut. Any advice on being o.k. with what I have done after the fact?

Answer:
By Miranda-
Its not what you need to do after but before that is important. 
Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I have chosen this lifestyle because it empowers me.  I have chose it because it suits me and I have decided to play today because it is going to make me feel good.” 
I know some of you may think I sound silly telling  you to look in the mirror but the person you are trying to help is the one looking back at you. 
Feeling “slutty” does happen to many at first and breaking through all the learned behavior of “Swinging is bad” and “You should feel ashamed of having sex with anyone other than your husband” will fall away but if by chance it doesn’t then maybe the lifestyle its not for you. In that case be thankful for the experiences you were given and then maybe take a break.  Reevaluate and step back into it later if you so feel fit.  A Great thing about the lifestyle is you can always come back to it and people welcome you with open arms.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Ahh… Labels. So many labels in the world.
From my point of view swinging is a bit slutty in itself.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being slutty however.
The concept of being a slut is tainted with all the strong attachments people put on it from being closed minded, jealous, possessive, envious, and just plain cruel.
The word and concept of being a slut is associated with being a cheater. It is attached to being not picky. It is attached to low self esteem. Home wreckers are sluts. Sluts are filthy creatures. What a terrible thing!
From Wikipedia -Slut is a pejorative term meaning an individual who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and used as an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning “dirty or slovenly.”
How sad.
On that same page however you will find:
Slut is also used as a slang term in the BDSM, polyamorous, and gay and bisexual communities. With BDSM, polyamorous, and non-monogamous people, in usage taken from the book The Ethical Slut, the term has been used as an expression of choice to openly have multiple partners, and revel in that choice: “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” A slut is a person who has taken control of their sexuality and has sex with whomever they choose, regardless of religious or social pressures or conventions to conform to a straight-laced monogamous lifestyle committed to one partner for life. The term has been “taken back” to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion may judge or control one’s personal liberties, and the right to control one’s own sexuality.
Hmm… gets you thinking.
I have not read the book ‘The Ethical Slut’, but I suppose I should.
Sounds like my kind of book.
I agree with that concept.
If you are not a cheater, you are picky with your partners (as in go for what YOU desire) don’t use sex just to raise your self esteem, are not a home wrecker and don’t consider yourself dirty then you should embrace the term slut as your own and revel in it.
Becoming aware of your own sexuality and pursuing sexual fun is a good and healthy thing as long as you do it in a good and healthy manner.
Swinging is one such path to good and healthy sexual bliss.
Don’t let the idea of being a slut ruin it for you.
I happen to like sluts.
I consider myself a bit on the slutty side and my wife as well.
We are proud sluts.

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