The Swingers Attic

Don’t trust my wife playing separate

by on Oct.29, 2010, under Insecurities, Playing with others

Question:

My wife always wishes to play in separate rooms, but I am not comfortable with it.
I suspect she is doing things she wouldn’t do if I was in the room and that is why she wishes to be out of my site.
She claims that it is because she can get into it more without distractions and likes to be able to focus on just one person. What do you think?

Answer:
By Miranda-
Your wife is probably telling you the truth. 
Sometimes it becomes distracting watching your love one play and also some people can’t fully relax and achieve orgasm because of it. 
Listen to your wife’s wishes and don’t dismiss them without thinking them through.  
I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t play separately because my husband and I only play seperately with one couple who are kind of our designated ”boyfriend and girlfriend.”  In any other situation I wouldn’t and couldn’t play separate.  One my husband wouldn’t like it but also I couldn’t relax doing so. 
I need my husband by my side for comfort and reassurance but some couples find it more comfortable and reassuring not playing in the same room. 
Some couples enjoy separate rooms so they can then come together at home at the end of the night to relive their sexual tales. 
Maybe find a positive spin to your situation.  Remember your wife loves you and if you have a hard time accepting separate rooms then tell her. 
Balance is key, does separate rooms mean you in the kitchen and you can see you in the living room?  Sometimes a little distance is good but within ear shot and eye sight better.

Answer:
By Aarron-
If your wife claims she is distracted and prefers just one person so she can really focus on then she is most likely doing a lot of things she wouldn’t be doing if you are watching her.
Why I say that is because if a person feels distracted and as if they are being watched (and that is not a turn on for them) then they are not going to get as excited as when they get to play alone.
When a person gets excited then they get a little more into it and sometimes a bit more wild.
That is a good thing.
Swinging is about fun and excitement.
With that said I will now say what I often say…
Swinging is a team sport” and your wife plus you equal the team.
Obviously you are more comfortable with same room sex and she is more comfortable with separate room swapping.
Both of you need to try and make sure the other is comfortable and both of you need to make sure your own needs are met too.
Many hotels have suits with two or more rooms that are semi open to each other.
Also two rooms can be adjoining and doors left open.
So playing in a hotel should be an easy compromise to your situation.
Homes and house parties it would depend on the layout, but often rooms are directly across from each other and doors can be left open.
It will just come down to looking for ways to find that comfortable compromise.

Note:
My wife and I rarely play separate room except with just a few very close friends and we never play totally  separate at all except with one special couple.
It is because of comfort and desires.
We do better and have more fun together.
We have friends that play both ways with no preference and friends that like to swing 100% separate and only play same room if it is with people like us that wont do separate play.
Everyone has different views and feelings on the subject.

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