The Swingers Attic

Talking her into swinging

by on Oct.25, 2010, under Newbie Help

Question:

I want to try out swinging and I don’t know how to talk my wife into it. The one time I did mention it she became very mad at me and accused me of cheating on her and it became a huge fight. Some advice on how to approach the subject would be much appreciated.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Well you can’t “talk” your wife into doing anything she isn’t comfortable with.  I am not sure how you approached the subject but if it resulted in your wife thinking about you cheating on her, I would say you need a little work in communicating your intentions. 
I always find that playing in bed is a great way to confront a sexual desires.  My husband and I talk about our desires and needs while having sex and that is always a fantastic time because people tend to let down their guard and allow their imaginations to become a reality. 
I am not telling you that while you have your cock enveloped in her pussy to say “honey I really would love to have sex with other woman and also watch you with other men.”  No this is not the best strategy. 
I recommend while in the heat of passion whisper things to her like, ” Do you know how sexy you are?  I would love to see you pleasure another man so I could watch him enjoy you the way I do.” 
Or maybe even put a bug in her ear by mentioning how you would enjoy watching her caress another woman, if that’s something you’re into trying. 
Now if trying to arrange a little swinger action isn’t a possibility in the bedroom then I suggest maybe just every so often for a couple months suggest when you see someone you would like to see with your wife say, “hey honey do you see that woman/or man over there?  You would look beautiful in a sexual situation with them.”  Then ask is she thinks they are sexy or is she attracted to them. 
Swinging is about communication and maybe your wife needs small hints to get her sexual juices flowing. 
Sometimes when the one we love comes to us and says “hey darlin I want us to become swingers!”  That can really be overwhelming.  In suggesting new sexual adventures always start out planting seeds to blossom in your spouse’s imaginations.  We don’t want them to leave the conversation believing you don’t love them and want to be unfaithful or that you may need to be evaluated at the nearest hospital.  Start slow…

Answer:
By Aarron-
It may be possible to “talk your wife into it”, but that really isn’t they way you want to start your swinging adventures.
An unwilling participant who is doing something because they got “talked into it” is a person who is very likely to not enjoy themselves and may always feel a bit as if they are making a sacrifice for their partner.
Feelings of that sort can end up blowing up in your face and leading to fights and resentment.
It is much better to just open your wife’s mind to the possibilities of swinging while letting her know that you would be interested in such activities and let her make up her own mind while not thinking she is doing it just for you.
Sharing fantasies is the best rout to go I think.
Don’t just share your swinger fantasies… share them all.
Learning to open up about sexual desires and beliefs is a very important step when it comes to entering the world of the swinging lifestyle.
Because of your wife’s response to your ideas about swinging I know that you both have a ways to go in the communication department when it comes to your fantasies and desires.
Once you have established some good communication and start getting to know each other in that way is when you should start bringing up the idea of actually pursuing some of those fantasies.
Focus first on the things your wife seems most interested in since she is obviously the less likely to be interested in expanding your sex life with others at this point.
Make sure she is comfortable sharing her thoughts and respect them.
Be honest about your own comfort levels and don’t do something you are not into just to get her through the swinging door.
Find the balance between what you wish and what she wishes and you will be on your way.
If you have particular wishes she isn’t comfortable with don’t push for them.
It has been my experience from watching new couples that those who start slow and don’t push to fast are the ones who are most likely to end up sticking with it, and their rules become less as their comfort levels expand.

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