The Swingers Attic

Finding single men for swinging

by on Nov.15, 2010, under Newbie Help


My wife and I have been discussing getting into the lifestyle for a
while now but she has had some concerns that she could never quite get
We got to talking about it again recently and I discovered that
she doesn’t like the idea of seeing me with another woman, but she may
be willing to bring in a man for a threesome.
Are there swingers sites
where I can find single men or is this frowned upon in the swinging

By Miranda-
You can find single men on just about any “lifestyle site”  just for the reason you’re looking for. 
Many couples only enjoy threesomes with other men due to wife insecurities or that’s just what they’re into. 
So to answer your question, no this isn’t frowned upon in the swinger community just tricky to weed out bad seeds.  Please keep in mind while looking for you single man that sometimes these men pose as single and are really married and their wives don’t know about the extra activities they’re involved in so make sure to ask plenty of questions. 
Usually in the swinger community if a couple wants a single male they ask around to other friends who have played with single men.  People tend to be skeptical of single men sometimes with just cause so once a trustworthy male is established in the community people remember his name, talk him up, suggest him for play dates.  Trustworthy single men in the lifestyle are sometimes even overwhelmed with couples wanting to play.  Word of mouth travels like wild fire.  So please remember when looking for a single fella that you being new to this makes the hunt a little more difficult considering you and your wife aren’t looking for couples so you have no one to ask if they have heard of this person or if they have a single male they prefer to play with. 
I suggest meeting the men before hand at a public place and if things seem right then ask him back to your place.  Never just invite them over to test waters, you never know what may happen.  Going to a bar for example gives you an out and if the man isn’t someone you want to even know where you live…problem solved. 
I wish you luck in your search and if it does take a bit of time to find the perfect male playmate don’t get discouraged, time is on your side, be patient and don’t rush into the experience.

By Aarron-
Many couples enjoy bringing single males into the bedroom for threesomes and other fun activities.
It is very normal in the swinging world and not frowned on at all.
Since you are new to swinging however I will say this…
“Be careful in your selection process.”
Single males on site are not always single.
Often they are married men pretending to be single just to get some action on the side.
Cheating is frowned on in the lifestyle and so is playing with cheaters.
Also… many men you will find are flakes, creeps, and not very good company.
Be selective.
Sites like  and will get you the most responses to any type of profile advertisement you make seeking single males, but not always the most desirable males. You will need to weed through the responses a lot. will not get you near as many responses to your personals advertisement and you may even have to take a bit of a proactive approach on the site, but you will not need to do as much of that weeding out.
If you use Lifestyle Lounge  just look for the “Real Seal” on the profile and check for testimonials. It will save you a lot of time and because the site is very community oriented men who behave badly don’t last long on it usually.
No matter what site you use… be careful and use common sense.

In case you haven’t thought of it I should also point out that many swinging couples do swing separately and that married swinging males are often into helping a couple out with their threesome fantasies.
Look through some couples advertisements on the sites to see if they play separate.
The benefit of married males over singles is that you will have less worry about their intentions and they have a wife who they must answer to for any bad behavior.
It has also been my experience that married swinger males are more in tune with a woman’s desires than swingles and are also more aware of boundaries in general.
That is not a 100% of the time thing, but more often than not they seem to be a better bedroom addition than singles.
Whatever your approach… Good luck, and have fun.

Recommended Books:
Three: The Art of the Menage a Trois
Romantic images of two women and a man coupling in a dazzling variety of positions.
Three: The Art of the Menage a Trois explains how to introduce this idea to a relationship, with an eye toward using sexual adventure to strengthen a couple’s bonds.

Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle (Revised Edition)
It’s been said that the couple who plays together stays together and this sizzling how-to book tells everything you need to know to get started in the lifestyle.
Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle  is THE book we usually recommend to people wishing to explore any facet of the lifestyle because it is a simple and easy read that literally covers ALL the basics of the swinging lifestyle.

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1 Comment for this entry

  • Josh

    From our experiences with SMs, we definitely followed Miranda’s plan. We sought the opinion of couples and they led us to a SM. For other SMs we asked him to recommend other single guys. There is a lot of fun to be had with MFM situations.

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