The Swingers Attic

Archive for December, 2010

Husband is acting strange after swapping

by on Dec.28, 2010, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

Last night we went to a Christmas party at our friends house and after it wound down we decided to stay the night because we had drank to much.
It had been a very flirty evening and somehow myself and my girlfriend ended up making out on the couch. The guys seemed to like it so we kept it up and when my friends husband suggested we take it to the bedroom and give them a show we decided we would do it and told them to consider it a Christmas present.
We are not bisexual and didn’t plan on taking it very far, but ended up naked and kissing each others boobs and rubbing a lot which really turned the guys on.
My husband started fondling me and one thing lead to another and we all ended up naked and having sex next to each other.
At some point my husband suggested we could switch.
We all kinda stopped and everyone asked each other what they thought of the idea. It was decided we would.
We swapped partners and it was a huge rush.
I didn’t cum, but still it was a huge turn on for me. Both the guys came and everyone seemed to have a fun.
We all slept naked together that night, but in the morning it was awkward and nobody talked about it.
Once we got home I tried to talk with my husband about it and told him how great it was.
He said he didn’t really want to talk about it.
I kept at him and he said he wasn’t sure we should have done what we did.
We are not swingers, and neither are our friends, but my husband and I have talked about it a lot before and he has always said he wanted to try it.
He even tells me swapping sex fantasies while we have sex together sometimes.
He has even talked about our friends in his fantasies.
I really enjoyed myself.
It was maybe the most exciting thing I ever have done. I know will want to do it again, but I am afraid my husband is mad at me for some reason.
Any suggestions on how to get him to talk about it?
Any ideas what would make him not want to even talk about it now?
How should I handle this?

Answer:
By Miranda-
WOW! Merry Christmas to you! 
You and your husband went where alot of people wouldn’t dare go and you did it without a plot or plan which I  think is a good and a bad decision. 
It was good because sometimes in life things happen that can’t be planned without a lot of nerve racking hours and tons of cold feet. 
Bad because although your husband has sex swapping fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean he was ready to act them out or see you with another man.  Which in my opinion is why your husband doesn’t want to discuss the situation. 
It would be wise to talk to you friends after you get your husband to open up to see how they’re feeling as well. 
Now for your husband, I would suggest letting your husband know that you had a great time and it was a thrill for you, exctiting and adventurous but in order for you to walk away from the experience with a positive clear head you need him to talk about HIS experience. 
Beginning to end you need to hear it.  Let him know how hot and exciting it was to watch him with another woman and reassure him that although you really enjoyed sex with your friend, the sex was just sex and you want to have what we call in swinger land a ”check in,” and discuss the situation in full. 
Its also really important to reconnect as well, the sooner you can get your husband in bed for a romp in the hey the better.  Your husband probably really needs to reconnect and he needs to know he is your guy!
Since it was your husband that suggested the swap I will tell you that its a 90% chance he’s having some jealousy and insecurity issues.  He may feel left out even though he was able to swap as well or he didn’t like seeing you with another man.  If he has any questions please give him our site to check out and reassure him that what he’s feeling is SO normal. 
The lifestyle is about connecting and communication and without both you have nothing so its important to review the play-date in order to live and learn and maybe try again. 
I applaud you all truly for your ability to just jump in the water and swim with the fishes.  Most people couldn’t do that but I’ll tell you that whether you wanted to full swap or not – for future adventures IF you and your husband decide to try again SOFT SWAP FIRST.  That way you two with be able to know exactly how you’ll feel about taking it farther next time.  Slow and steady wins the race and communication is key in this situation. 
Let your husband know your concerns, fears and dreams about the play-date you just had as well.  He probably feels in the dark about your feelings as well and is concerned but wants to sweep it under the rug because of his insecurities.  You do need to sit him down and discuss it because without doing that it puts your marriage on unsure footing and you don’t want that. 
Let your husband know how you feel and encourage him to do the same.  I wish you goodness on your journey with him and I hope you’re able to have a sexy hot New Year.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Sounds like a great evening was had for you all and it just seemed a bit to strange and out of place in the morning.
Sleeping together like you all did is considered by many in swinger land to be more intimate than actually having sex.
Also the close friends thing is a bit taboo for many swingers because of intimacy issues too.
Both of those things really bumped up things a notch over the average first timers swinging experience.
It is cool you had so much fun, and it is great your husband got to live out a sexual fantasy, but sometimes fantasy is just that and not meant to become real.
Your husband may not have been ready for such things and maybe never wanted it to go like that at all.
It could have been the excitement of watching you kissing another woman that pumped up his libido so high (mixed with some alcohol) that cause him to overstep his own boundaries.
It also just may have been a bit of jealousy afterwards of knowing his wife just had sex with another man.
It could be insecurities based on thinking you had a better time than the girl he was with or that you enjoyed sex with your friend more than sex with him.
The possibilities are endless.
You must have a talk about it.
What was enjoyable and what wasn’t.
What worries exist now that you have taken the plunge, and what affect it will have on your sex life.
Don’t expect to know how your husband is feeling until after he tells you.
You may be guessing wrong.
Another aspect to consider is how the evening will affect your long term friendship with the other couple involved.
It will be altered drastically (for good or bad) no matter how things turn out.
Once you and your husband have talked it all over you need to touch base with them.

If he doesn’t open up (and isn’t the type to become angered by you seeking outside help) maybe point him to this page so he can see for himself both your question and our replies.

Also … maybe some of our other readers will chime in with their own take on possible reasons for his reaction and refusal to talk about it.

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Happy holidays from The Swingers Attic

by on Dec.24, 2010, under Unsorted

When it comes to swinging the holidays always offer up a lot of fun in the form of great parties and extra reasons to get out and mingle.

Most of the Christmas parties are not on Christmas itself to be sure because of family and vanilla friend engagements, but the couple weeks before are always sure to offer up many opportunities to stand under some mistletoe.

New Years Eve on the other hand is possibly the swinging party of the year right after Halloween.

Always to many parties to choose from and they are almost always fabulous.

Whatever you are doing this holiday season we hope you end up traveling into the new year with a smile on your face.

For those of you who have written questions… we hope our advice and experiences have helped or at least given you some food for thought.

For those who come here just to read the Q & A’s… We hope we have let you get a glimpse of the swinging world from both our perspectives and those who write in.

If you have your own questions just ask.
Sometimes we go a week or more without anybody writting in, so it isn’t like we are swamped with questions to answer.

All you swingers out there (Or people in “the lifestyle” if you prefer) please feel free to offer up your own views and advice in the comments section on the posts.
We hoped to get a ton of that because the more viewpoints the better.

All in all… we are happy with how the site is going and have both been enjoying it.

Thank you for visiting us and we hope you continue to do so.

happy holiday swinging people

Merry Ho Ho Ho & A Happy New Year!

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