The Swingers Attic

Wanting my wife to have sex with other men

by on Dec.06, 2010, under Newbie Help

Question:

I found your site looking for advice on how to get your wife to have sex with other men, but didn’t end up finding any.
For a few years now I find myself fantasizing about watching my wife have sex with other men all the time. I am almost obsessed with the idea. I love my wife a lot and think she is gorgeous and sexy. My dream is to see her as the sex goddess I know she is.
The only time I ever brought up the idea to my wife though she became very angry and accused me of not loving her. I tried to explain that it was a completely opposite type thing and that many men like to watch their wives have sex with other men. It didn’t go over well and I have never brought it up again.
Could you please give me some advice on how to approach the subject without upsetting her or making her feel like I don’t love her?

Answer:
By Miranda-
It’s such a tricky thing sometimes to open the sexual mind of your life partner without them thinking things like, ” OMG did I marry a sicko?” 
Truth – you have already said YES tons of men visualize their wives having sex with other men and YES many woman LOVE doing this for their husbands too.  My husband and I included! Yay! 
The fantasy probably took your wife aback and she just may not understand it. 
I would like it if you asked your wife about one of her sexual fantasies.  It may take a couple days for her to give you a little something.  Tell her you want to know in full detail what it is she wants to do.  Tell her to not be afraid to get a little kinky or naughty and make sure you don’t mention your fantasy.  When she’s finished with the fantasy, thank her and tell her you would like to explore that fantasy with her someday. 
Now here comes the real tricky part…DON’T mention your fantasy for a really long time.  I want you start telling her how sexy she is while you two sleep together and whenever you think of it.  Let her know everyday how just damn hot she is, prep her self esteem. 
I don’t know if you watch porn together or not but there are videos I LOVE and they’re called Wife Switch.  If you two enjoy adult videos then slip this on one night.  They are fun and sexy and kinda goofy but I think this may get your wife’s interest sparked.  The premise is that two men swap their wives and LOVE watching them have sex with another man.  Now yes – this is swinger oriented but I hope it will plant a seed. 
Your wife may just need a lot of time to get used to the idea and alot of visual and mental foreplay can help. 
If you try the videos remember to mention while you’re having sex things like, “Honey This is something I would like to try,” or “These guys have the same fantasy I have.”  If you’re NOT into having sex with someone else’s wife make SURE you make that clear.
You don’t need your wife thinking once again you don’t love her, this time she’ll be thinking you want to sleep with other woman, yikes! 
She needs to feel secure and needs to know you are there to take care of her.  If the videos help then maybe mention, the prospects of trying the fantasy again but make sure you communicate your full intention.  No swinging  just her with another man.
 I can’t guarantee this will work but I know my husband is excellent at planting ideas into my head without me thinking , ” No way am I doing that!”  Your wife may need time, visual stimulation and knowledge in knowing her husband isn’t the only man into such a thing.  I wish you luck and remember patience and understanding is key to opening up our partner’s sexual world.

Answer:
By Aarron-
This is a tough one.
People think in so many different ways and can have so many ingrained belief’s that it is impossible to tell somebody exactly how to approach a touchy subject with another person without knowing their personality and belief system.
In my own relationship I have it pretty easy because my wife is very open minded about things.
I pretty much just tell her what I want and think and she gives me a yes or no type answer.
She is a bit wilder and more slutty than me I think by nature, while i am a bit kinkier or “perverted” as she likes to say.
That results in us pushing and pulling each other in different directions when it comes to play.
The realm of fantasy talk is where we get into each other’s heads. Miranda referred to it in her answer as “planting ideas.”
When heated up we sometimes talk fantasy.
Fantasies of the one become fantasies of the other. It’s like sexual hypnotism.
The hard part in your case if you wished to use this method is getting the communication lines open in the first place.
Maybe just starting with some less intense changes would be a good idea.
Starting with “Let me watch you fuck somebody else sweetness” isn’t a very light request if you are not already a bit sexually progressive.
Look for things she would maybe enjoy experimenting with.
Light bondage, spankings, candle wax, dirty dice, vibrators, massage oils… etc.
Get the sexual games going and work up slow.
Get her mind thinking sexy.
Buy some sexual positions books that you can go through. Start at the front and work your way back.
Sexy games are also good for spicing up the mind in a vanilla flavored brain.
My wife and I sometimes enjoy what we call “wine night.” Basically we take some time to ourselves and share a bottle of wine. A game can be a fun addition to that.
However you choose to go about it… go slow!
Don’t push the envelope to fast.
Have fun and explore while opening up the communication lines and each other’s minds.
Enjoy the journey and eventually if you keep it fun your wife will end up with a much more open mind when it comes to sex.
That doesn’t guarantee she will be into what you are, but it will at least make it so you are able to talk about it without her thinking you don’t love her.

A few things to check out to help you on your journey.

Mastering Multiple Position Sex: Mind-Blowing Lovemaking Techniques That Create Unforgettable Orgasms

The Fine Art Of Erotic Talk: How To Entice, Excite, And Enchant Your Lover With Words

The Fantasy Sex Deck: 50 Erotic Role-Plays for Adventurous Couples

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