The Swingers Attic

Advice on scoring a single girl

by on Jan.06, 2011, under Newbie Help

Question:

I have decided to give swinging a try because I would like to explore my bisexual side.
We have been looking for a girl using online dating sites and have visited a couple lifestyle clubs over the last six months and seem to not be having any luck with catching a girl.
Do you have any advice on how a couple can score a single girl in the lifestyle?

Answer:
By Miranda-
My advice to you is simple. 
Remember to always compliment, always make her feel important (because she is) and never push. 
Remember there are two of you and only one of her so if she feels any pressure to play…you have lost her. 
Feel comfortable that  its okay to be attracted to her and allow yourself to compliment and flirt her up. 
Remind your husband to mind his manners and always allow you the first kiss or move.  Bi girls want to play with both but they need to feel wanted, secure and desired by the female first and foremost.  Because really, you two will be working as team to please your husband and because she is entrusting you both to enjoy her and take care of her. 
If you rush while fishing , all you will get is seaweed or a tangled line.  You need to work your bi sexual catch together so she wants to jump in your boat without any help.  I’m not being sly or dishonest about this, just remember she is the princess  in the situation and in so needs to be treated like one.

Answer:
By Aarron-
As a couple new to swinging and seeking a single girl you have a lot of competition.
When you look at swingers dating sites and check out the newer couples profiles you will notice that a majority of them state they are interested in single girls.
Then take a look at the more rare single bi females profiles and imagine what they have to choose from if they are interested in couples.
Then add all the single guys and gals that are after them and you can get an idea of your odds.
Pretty slim.
If you swing with couples you will eventually meet single females through them, but that is a whole different subject.
So… your profile is the big issue here.
How can you stand out and make yourselves desirable to a single woman when she has so many couples to choose from?
Here are 3  things you should do.

  1. Write your profile in a way that shows your personality and highlights your sense of humor and charm. Note I said “your sense of humor” rather than “try to be humorous.”
  2. Explain what type of woman you would like to meet and why. Remember that she is a person and not a product. I can’t count how many times I have seen a couples profile seeking single women that was worded in a manner that made it sound as if they wished to rent a car for the weekend.
  3. Have good photos of both of you that not only shows your bodies, but your faces too. If for some reason you can’t post your face shot you should send one along with your initial email because otherwise you will usually get no response. Also note that if you don’t have face shots up (and good body shots) you will most likely not get any email enquiries from single women ever and should plan on doing all of the initial contact yourself. If the girl can’t see you , why would she write you?

Our profiles have good photos and show some of our personality.
I think it is because of that reason we get a few single females a month writing to us… even though we specifically state that we are primarily interested in couples, but “may be interested” in a single female if she seems a “perfect” fit.

As for lifestyle clubs:
Miranda pretty much summed it up.
The only thing I would add is that you should exude confidence without seeming cocky.
Women love confidence, but usually don’t like arrogance. It is a fine line to walk, but it must be learned.

With that all said…
My personal opinion is that if you want to “score” a single girl as a couple it would be much easier to do so in the vanilla bar setting than via swingers lifestyle sites and even lifestyle clubs if you have your game down.
In a vanilla bar setting the most important thing to know when approaching a single girl is to make it 100% obvious that you are both into the idea.
You don’t want her to have any doubts that it is an opportunity for a fun and exciting evening.
Besides that it is all about body language and charisma.
You know if you have that already.
It’s time to dust off those old pick-up skills you used before you got married and put them to work again.
If you are saying “I never really had those skills.” then your options are to learn them or to stick with the swingers dating sites and lifestyle clubs.
You still need some social skills in a lifestyle club, but because all the cards are already on the table you don’t need any actual pick-up skills.
Everybody knows why they are there. The rituals of the vanilla bars can be skipped and you can just introduce, chat, flirt, ask.

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