The Swingers Attic

She isn’t bi curious

by on Feb.13, 2011, under Newbie Help

Question:
The primary reason we decided to start swinging was to explore my wife’s bisexual fantasies.
We Joined a lifestyle site and got a lot of responses that finally lead to us meeting with a great couple that we experienced both a full swap with and fulfilled my wife’s fantasy of a lesbian encounter.
We both enjoyed swapping. It was exhilarating.
After having sex with a woman though she has decided it isn’t for her.
She is not bi or bi curious.
Is this going to ruin our chances at meeting other couples?
It seems most women in the lifestyle are bisexual.
Worried about no play partners.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I will tell you in that in the lifestyle many woman are bi playful rather than bisexual. 
They don’t mind flirting and touching another girl so that their husbands can get excited and a a little show but they aren’t interested in any other way. 
The husbands usually find it an amazing turn on to see their wives caress and make out with another woman so when you are bi sexual (such as myself) you find these woman a total turn off. 
Just make sure when you’re looking for a couple you make it clear your wife Isn’t interested in ANY type of swap or serious sex with the female. 
Also, if your wife decides she could be bi playful there is a greater chance a couple will think  “Heck yeah she’s in!”  So unless she’s willing to take a chance make it completely clear she’s as straight as a board. 
Like  I mentioned earlier, I’m bisexual. If a girl seems apprehensive I stay my distance. 
I’m fine with hanging out with straight girls.
Also, just because a woman is bisexual doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every woman she meets.  Are you attracted to every woman you meet? I doubt it. 
Remember that when finding couples, the female might not be into your wife and just want to husband swap.  A very good friend of ours originally straight out said to me during our first conversation via Yahoo, ” Hey I know you’re bi sexual but I’m not do you mind if we just swap husbands?”  My answer, “Sure sounds good.”  I was attracted to her but she was upfront and honest and so we swapped husbands. 
Will it hurt your chances in the lifestyle if your wife doesn’t want to play with another girl? It could a little.  I say that because you may both like a couple and then once you tell them girl plus girl play is out they may say thanks but no thanks. 
The female wanted to play and you just turned her down.
Other couples won’t care and will play anyway.  In truth it really does depend on the couple and the open communication you present to them.  Everyone one is different which is truly why the lifestyle is SO fun.  Thank you for the fantastic question, keep them comin!

Answer:
By Aarron-
It will very much mess up your chances of meeting some couples in the lifestyle if your wife isn’t bisexual or at least bi-playful.
It will also increase your chances to meet certain couples in the lifestyle if your wife says no to the girl + girl fun.
Believe it or not, a lot of women who list themselves as bisexual or bi curious do so for the exact reasons you are worrying about.
Seeing a couple with a female listed as straight removes a ton of pressure to possibly have to act in a way they don’t really want to for these women.
Not all is as it seems in swingerland.
Though most women list themselves as bisexual or bi curious it is not a major component or a requirement in play for the majority of these couples.
From what I have seen maybe 20% of women in swinging are actually into women as much as they are into men.
On the other hand I’d guess a full half of women who swing do like some girl on girl action during play.
It isn’t a requirement though for most of them.
The newer they are to the lifestyle the more apt they are to be seeking primarily a female sex show for the husbands.
The longer they have been swinging the less apt the guy is going to be giving a crap about it and that the gal will be wanting to play that way if she isn’t really into it.
It gets boring after a few dozen times if it isn’t really your thing.
Note that I said “if it isn’t really your thing” just now.
For some it is their big thing.
It may be the main part of their game even.
So… Tell it like it is.
That’s my advice.
If your wife isn’t into girls list yourselves as straight on personals sites and tell people at gatherings when the subject arises.
It certainly doesn’t dissuade us from meeting people if they are listed as straight.
My wife loves playing with women, but she is into men just as much.
If the man is attractive and cool she is in.
If the woman is attractive and cool I am in.
It’s that simple.

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2 Comments for this entry

  • Josh

    I agree with Aarron and Miranda, and would like to add an anecdote or two.

    One of our first couples we had met on the internet had listed the woman as being bisexual. Throughout the talking, the husband told us about his wife really wanting the be with another woman badly. So that is what we had planned for.

    When the action had started, the woman paid very little attention to BB other than when they decided to give us tandem blow jobs. She was not averse to BB going down on her, but she wasn’t interested in BB at all. We talked to the guy about it afterwards and figured it was projection. He wanted his wife to like other chicks. Now I go and look at their profile and she is listed as straight.

    The best solution is to be honest in your advertising. We have met couples where they say, ‘the woman is 100% straight, if you are a woman do not touch, kiss, or anything else in a sexual manner.’ It’s refreshing. Our profile clearly states ‘[BB] is bisexual. If this is an issue then let us know. If we are not informed ahead of time, and we agree to go out with you, BB is going to flirt, touch, and get friendly with the both of you.’

    Honesty, honesty, honesty is aslways the best policy.

  • Swingers Attic

    Good anecdote Josh.
    I’ve run into similar situations.
    Also have had girls who listed themselves as straight on a profile turn out to be very bi playful after meeting us.
    They checked straight because they didn’t want to feel obligated to play with the females of couples, but sometimes liked it.

    ~Miranda

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