The Swingers Attic

Archive for April, 2011

Lifestyle hating sister in law calling me a slut

by on Apr.23, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:
Hello, I love your site and tell all our lifestyle friends about it.
My question is not about the lifestyle per say, but about dealing with my sister in law.
Last summer she found out that my husband and I are in the lifestyle and though my husband forced her through threats of telling their mother certain things about her not to out us she is still out of control when it comes to her treatment of me. Whenever we are out of earshot at family gatherings she calls me slut instead of me name. She also says it under her breath whenever she things she can get away with it.
She even addresses emails to me as “the slut,” instead of my name. My husband has asked her to stop repeatedly, but to no avail. Her own husband is also against the lifestyle, but stays out of it. He has said though that his wife is just telling it as she sees it. I’m hating the bitch and the situation is grating on me.
Hoping you had some advice about handling an evil sister in law who hates the lifestyle.

Answer: 
Miranda-
First and foremost I want to take the time to apologize to you for the very sloth like response time it took us to answer your question.  Due to a family emergency I wasn’t able to be at a computer, I apologize. 
I also want to apologize to you for your sister in law because in the lifestyle or not, it’s never acceptable to call someone a name or didn’t she learn that in grade school? 
Omg, you poor women, I just want you to know that for you to have withstood the torture and punishment as long as you have makes me believe you’re an absolute saint, and to be honest if I had a family member calling me a slut (as a derogatory term) every time we were together NOTHING would stop me from knocking the B out, I admire your self control and devotion to your husband’s family.  Bravo girlie! 
Now for some help with your uneducated self absorbed and extremely hurtful sister in law! 
I looked up the word, “slut” in the dictionary and and under the word it states, Slut 1. a slovenly woman (slovenly meaning person who is habitually untidy and or careless), 2.  a prostitute.  We all know the only person who is obviously habitually untidy or careless is your sister in law, who finds it socially acceptable to throw words around “carelessly and in a “habitually”  untidy manner.  Please inform your sister in law that while you may sleep with other woman’s husbands you do it with protection and not in a “slovenly” manner.    Now bring in the prostitute!!!!! 
In the dictionary the word prostitute is described as, 1. a person who engages in sexual activity for payment. 2.misuse (one’s talents or skills etc.) for money.  Now we all know you aren’t asking for payment for sex in the lifestlye of swinging so it just goes to show how absolutely SCARED and once again uneducated your sister in law is about your personal choices. 
Lets say your husband’s sister is trying to hurt you because of her fear and insecurities.  She finds what you do to be “wrong” but the only “wrong ” that is being done is for her to disrespect the wife of her brother. 
Ask her if she ever went on a date, had her date pay for dinner and then slept with him?  Well you could go as so far as to call her a “slut”  or a “prostitute.” She engaged in a sexual activity for a dinner paid for.  I could really rant forever on the subject but in conclusion you can always turn it it around. Turn it for her yourself  or send her our answer page.  I wouldn’t mind at all if you did. 
I’m SO amazingly sorry for you situation and I hope my answer gives you strength.  Because I don’t know your husband’s family it’s hard to give a concrete answer on what to do because we are all so different and on completely different life journeys.  I hope you find the courage to confront her and I truly hope your husband lays down the law because after all it’s a member of his family, but you as a wife are in essence an extension of his soul.  Your sister in law is disrespecting his soul. 
I have never wanted to hug a person who wrote us before but I wish I could hug you…honestly.  Thank you for enjoying our site and for opening up to us and our readers about a problem that others  suffer from.  That problem being, sexual discrimination and disrespecting  another being for their beliefs and  moral codes. 
Your sister in law hurts you and instead of lashing out you walk away.  Something your sister in-law can’t do.  Once again BRAVO for your goodness of heart and if you get the chance I would love to know how you handle the situation from here on out.  Keep us informed.  And as my stepsister always says… WOMAN POWER!!!!!!  lol

Answer:
By Aarron-
Dealing with family can be hard sometimes. It’s good that you at least have some dirt on your foul mouthed in-law to keep her shut up. It’s good, but also sad that you need it.
Unlike my wife I don’t applaud you for putting up with it and I also won’t jest about turning it around on her our knocking the B out.
I do agree that you have shown some extraordinary patience for putting up with it since last summer, but you really shouldn’t have to be dealing with it anyway. It’s your husband’s job in my opinion to take care of it. It is his sister. You married into the family, but when it comes down to it nobody said you had to deal with treatment like that when you signed on the dotted line.

Note: We here at The Swingers Attic are of the opinion that a “SLUT” is not a bad thing to be. We are proud sluts ourselves.
We have however responded to this topic based on the situation and how the word is being used as an insult.

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Boundary breakers and what to do about them

by on Apr.15, 2011, under Newbie Help, Playing with others, Unsorted

Question:

My husband and I have recently started swinging and it has really spiced our love life back up to full throttle. It’s like when we first started dating.
We have only had a few weird things happen and they have actually been funny.
There is one thing I don’t know how to deal with though.
It seems like every other guy I get with tries to enter me without a condom. Usually they just poke and prod like they are not actually trying anything, but a couple of them have been very blatant about it and pushed for it even after I said no. The reason I am writing you is because last weekend a guy took it upon himself to just stick it in without warning and without a condom. We had been playing around a bit rough during foreplay and he was dominating me so it took a minute to get it through to him that he had to pullout and glove up. We tell people we always use condoms before we ever get to the stripping down and playing so it isn’t like these guys don’t know our boundaries. I need some advice on how to get it through to these guys before hand that I don’t play without a rubber. I also would like to know your opinions on why these guys try when they have been told condoms are required. Thanks.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay so the men you’re finding to have sex with are assholes and personally if ANY man tried to enter my palace of worship (my pussy) without an offering (a condom)…I would stop play and walk out the door. 
The problem with this type of man, he is used to shoving his cock in unprotected and having the girl just accept it so my womanly advice for you is…GAME OVER!  If a man pushes his cock into you unprotected stop all play.  It sounds like you and your husband might play separate and if that’s the case you can expect a  man to pull such disrespect.  Sadly some men think, “Hey she’s alone and I can push the envelope of her boundaries,”…wrong!  Stand up for yourself and before play let your playmate know, “I have had men try to enter me unprotected, I find it completely disrespectful and if you do try it I will stop play, no second chances.”
One of the beauties of being a woman is in the bedroom you can generally be as open and honest as you want because lets face it ladies, the men want it and if they don’t abide by the rules won’t get it. 
Please establish a little persona in the bedroom before hand.  Communicate in a firm and commanding way your rules or regulations and empower your inner sexual goddess. 
NO man shall take without permission and no man shall enter unprotected.  The best part about men is you can treat them like children and they rarely ever catch on, “Put a condom on or no sex for you.”  It’s like telling them if they act up in a store then no lollipop reward. 
Now if you and your husband do play in the same room and your playmate crosses the no condom line just get your husbands attention so he can inform the other male if its attempted again play is over so wrap it up or step it down. 
I hope my answer doesn’t come across a little pushy or bitchy but if in life we allow our sexual partners to cross boundaries and take from us our sexual control then what enjoyment do WE get from it?  We are then just animals and all the fighting woman have done over the centuries to unchackle us and empower was done is vain.  I’m not saying this is your case…sorry for that little rant! 
In conclusion, rock your woman power and always give the no sex threat before hand, generally a man will stay within the rules if a negative consequence will follow, and yes some men will call your bluff and in that case close up shop!!!  Always follow through! Good luck to you and rock it girlie rock it!  Thanks for the awesome question.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Your picking some bad partners is my first thought.
There will always be that one guy who tries to do what he shouldn’t, but if the situation you are describing has happened multiple times and you have only just recently started swinging it has to be in part some sort of signal you are giving off.
That doesn’t make it alright. Men should always ask, but if it’s a regular thing then you are in some way making the guys think it may be OK to go bareback.
The reason I say that is because in the swinging world the rule is pretty much that condoms are required unless it is stated otherwise. Swingers assume a condom will be used unless it is agreed otherwise.
Don’t think that makes it all you though… if you didn’t actually say it verbally it doesn’t really matter what kind of signals you may be accidentally putting out there. The men should ask.
You don’t mention swinging separate from your husband, but I am assuming you are not playing in the same room because I just can’t imagine what you described as a multiple time situation happening when your husband is present.
Besides getting pissed and stopping play I would also suggest you mention what these men tried to their wives.
Swinging is based on trust and respect for all parties involved and I doubt all these guys you have had this happen with have the go ahead to bareback from their wives.
I say that because most don’t. In general condoms are the rule.
If these men disrespect you tell their wives. You will be doing the wives a favor.
Besides that my advice to you is to be very clear before hand that condoms are expected for play.
Say it out loud and if in doubt say it twice.
Problem solved and you wont be hurting any-one’s feelings or killing the mood.

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