The Swingers Attic

Reciprocity in taking one for the team?

by on Aug.11, 2011, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Playing with others

Question:

I have been taking one for my team with a guy who I would skip over in
a heartbeat if his wife wasn’t my husbands #1 favorite of all time
play partner. The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my
type. My question to you is if you think my husband owes me the same
courtesy? He will not even consider a couple if the woman isn’t exactly
to his liking no matter what my opinion of them are. I’m feeling like
I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay, so in my opinion without beating around the bush, and hopefully without losing too many followers, yes he owes you a play-date with someone you are as equally into.
In the swinging community we all know that sometimes the left shoe doesn’t look the same as the right and I don’t want to call it, “taking one for the team” because I know I wouldn’t want someone referring to me as that, but I’ll call it going along for the ride.  *Lol* it sounds nicer!
I think it’s really important to let your husband know that at any time you have the right to refuse service and he should appreciate you being a full service bar.  Let him know that while you do enjoy him enjoying himself, you also deserve the chance at such bliss in the lifestyle, and maybe feel like you should take a break from this couple until you can both find a couple you both dig equally.
I want to tell my readers I have found one man (that I have had sex with) to be completely non sex compatible (that’s also me being nice) with me in the lifestyle and we never saw them again because of that.  Aarron was REALLY into her and he knew I was going along for the ride and to be honest I was glad to do so.  He was like a school boy with this women and I found it adorable,  BUT he didn’t let me do it again and again for his own enjoyment!!!!!  It was a one shot encounter.
Tell your husband no more playdates with this couple until you get a Hercules just like he had his Zena, darn it! Make sure he knows you do it for him…EVERYTIME… with this couple.  Let him know you deserve goodness too and refuse to settle every time.  Be strong, and girl it’s okay in a situation like this to put your foot down, after all it’s your body and your experience.  You call the shots!  Good luck and I hope you find your Hercules.

Answer:
By Aarron-
This is a touchy subject because many people in the lifestyle don’t like to admit they sometimes “take one for the team,” or maybe are the one that someone is thinking of in that context.
The reality is that it happens to a small extent pretty often with any couple that plays regularly.
It is rare to find the perfect match. One spouse is often more desirable than the other, and that is just the way it is. Looks, personality, bedroom skills, etc… all make a person attractive and desirable in swinging. Finding a couple where both are A+ top shelf perfect is about as likely as a pig with wings. If you do find them it is not likely they will think the same of you. Tastes do differ.
When you do find that perfect play partner it is very doubtful their spouse will be your husbands perfect partner.
Conclusion = Your definitely getting the short end of the stick.
Your husband needs to learn and play fair. Equality in the enjoyment department, or as close as you can find is important.
I’m glad you said “The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my type” when describing your situation.
If you had said he was horrible I would have had to rant.
It isn’t good for you or the other people involved when such things are going on.
Nobody wants to find out that someone they have been having sex with repeatedly wasn’t enjoying it. I’m guessing you have been, but you know you could be having more fun in another situation. That is actually OK in my book. Not all sex partners are going to measure up equal. They don’t need to measure up perfectly. They are PLAY partners only. Good friends if your lucky. They are not life mates.
If you really don’t like it at all though… Stop! If the sex is horrible… Stop! If the evenings are not fun at all…Stop!
My advice on getting your husband to play fair with you in couples selection is to do as my wife said and put your foot down.
If he doesn’t wish to play fair then he doesn’t get to play.
That is how I would handle it.

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2 Comments for this entry

  • John

    It strikes me that “taking one for the team” can be used in several different ways. Option 1: Playing with someone you aren’t at all interested in because your spouse is into that person’s spouse (which we don’t do) and Option 2. Playing with someone you aren’t AS into because your spouse is into that person’s spouse.

    It can be thought of as a continuum and you have decide where on that continuum the line is that you won’t cross.

  • Swingers Attic

    I agree John. In the lifestyle we are not looking for our perfect partners, so it is all a matter of personally deciding.

    ~Aarron

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