The Swingers Attic

Pseudonyms In The Swinging Lifestyle

by on Aug.03, 2011, under Unsorted

A pseudonym is a fictitious name used by a person, or sometimes, a group.

In the world of swingers pseudonyms are quite common.
I would personally guess that between 15 to 20% of people in the swinging lifestyle use a pseudonym in one way or another in relation to their swinging adventures. (not including screen names)
There are many reasons and individual or a couple would chose to the use of fake names in the swinging lifestyle.
Th most common ones are.

  1. Hiding ones identity online.
  2. Hiding ones identity completely.
  3. For role-play and increased confidence reasons.
  4. Because of lack of self confidence.
  5. Covering up bad reputations in the swinging communities.

We will get to why groups use pseudonyms in a bit.
For now let’s examine the reasons individuals and couples decide to use false names.

1) Hiding ones identity online
Many people fear being “outed” as swingers because of possible backlash with family and or work.
Some are so fearful of being caught swinging that they do everything they can to reduce the chances.
Using false names while contacting other people online is often a security measure.
Most couples who use fake names for this reason when online give their real names upon meeting the couples in real life and explain their reasons for using pseudonyms.

2) Hiding ones identity completely
The same reasons as above, but with a touch of paranoia added in.
Some people are just freaky nervous and keep the fake name thing going all the time.
These couples are thankfully rare in the lifestyle and usually don’t last long, but they do exist.
They also often have special cell phones (just for swinging) and won’t even tell what town or city they actually live in.
Fake names, jobs, ages, etc… are the rule for these secret keeping people.

3) For role-play and increased confidence reasons
There are people in the world that just don’t find themselves sexy. They don’t consider themselves fun or adventuresome.
Creating a persona to act out often helps these people.
Instead of being the 45 year old housewife that was to afraid to try a sex toy for the first time until 3 years ago, a woman puts on the persona of whatever her most sexy ideal is and plays a part while swinging.
It is fantasy to it’s fullest potential.
Her husband who usually gets flustered and shy when a pretty girl even looks at him pretends to be a Casanova type… allowing him the freedom to act in ways he can’t in his daily life.
He may lack confidence as Frank the shoe salesman, but he knows the ladies love him as Brad the well traveled and world wise freelance business consultant.

4) Because of lack of self confidence
A modified version of the last reason explained.
Rather than playing a part for fun and increasing ones confidence through role playing some people take on fake persona’s because they really don’t think the real them has anything to offer.
They create fake names and fake lives simply to pretend to be what they think is a valuable person.
These people are usually full of lies and often end up disappearing from whatever swingers scene they have been playing in after creating a lot of drama.

5) Covering up bad reputations in the swinging communities
The swinging lifestyle is still small enough that a bad reputation follows you pretty fast if you cause problems, create drama, treat people without respect, or do bad things in general.
If you break the rules in swinger land everyone within your swingers circle will here about it withing a very short period of time.
Once you have burned to many bridges (or a main bridge) you are pretty much ruined on the club scene, party invites wont be happening, bar take-overs are off limits… you are stuck with hunting newbies through craigs-list and the online swingers dating sites.
Most of the better online sites will however be hard too because people will tell on you for your bad behavior.
The result of the bad reputations traveling fast in swinger land phenomenon is that these terrible behaving, cheating, abusive, creeper types must change their names and profiles regularly to catch their unsuspecting newbie couples.
It is a sad thing that some people are like this, but it is the way of the world I guess.
Watch out for these ones!

Now let us look at why some groups would use pseudonyms.

Swing Clubs
Our very favorite swing club is just north of Seattle.
New Horizons is the Pacific Northwest’s finest adult social club. Established over thirty years ago and located 20 miles north of downtown Seattle, New Horizons is arguably the most luxurious on-premises adult club in the country.
New Horizons is famous world wide within the swingers community.
If you visit New Horizons however you will not see a sign that says New Horizons. It says something else completely.
People simply don’t want a swingers club next door.
Clubs must often have a double existence and use pseudonyms to exist.
Sexville Swingers Club will instead call itself Lavender Estates B&B.
The neighbors prefer it and if you use a credit card to pay your dues you may prefer it also.

Lifestyle Organizations
Other organizations and clubs exist within the swinging communities too.
We can use travel for example because that is big.
There are many organizations that specialize in travel for the swingers lifestyle.
Many use “swingers lifestyle” and other such phrases in their names and or brochures.
They also all have other names. Not everyone is cool with a package from “Swingers Lifestyle Travel” arriving on their doorstep.
Inside your package from International whatever vacations you will then find – also known as “Swingers Lifestyle Travel.”

There are many more reasons that groups and or individuals may feel the need to use a pseudonym, but I think I have covered the basics.

In my own opinion I will say that I don’t like the use of fake names in the lifestyle at all.
My very first swinging experience actually ended with the woman I had socialized and had sex with that night telling me her real name.
She said she never gave her real name until after the first time.
She was a role player. It was part of her game. Still… I didn’t like it.

Most swingers don’t use fake names.
Almost none of the lifestyle people who attend parties do unless it is in the online arena only.
It doesn’t work well to have a fake name when the community is so small if you frequent events or clubs regularly.
For those who just dabble in the lifestyle though… It is easy, and can work well.

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This article was written by Aarron with a large amount of input by Miranda and was originally posted on another site we no longer update.

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4 Comments for this entry

  • John

    It is important as you talk about fake names to recognize that some people have first names which are unique enough that knowing the first name and where they live that you can identify with a great deal of certainty who the individual is.

  • Swingers Attic

    Very true John.
    When you look my name up for example I find there are 373 people in the US with my first name. (according to the white pages & social security listings)
    Less than 20 in my state.
    If I had the need for major discretion I would certainly be using a fake name or more common spelling at least.


  • BB

    Originally, both Josh and I used pseudonyms on our blog. Josh made the decision to start using his own name whereas I still use the pseudonym. I also look at it from the same standpoint as John. Josh is a very common name. My name, however, is spelled quite uniquely. Further than that, because of the information that we give on the blog, I would be concerned about our anonymity if my real name was out there. (I highly doubt that there is another Josh and {BB} in their early 30s who live in the Houston area.) I also work in a field in which out lifestyle would be completely frowned upon.

    That being said, we never use fake names with people that we meet. Our profile on the swingers site that we use does not mention our first or last names, but whenever we send a message to someone, we always include our first names.

  • Swingers Attic

    We handle our names in exactly the same manner when it comes to swingers personals sites BB.

    So many people who are not in the lifestyle visit such sites just for curiosities sake. We also hide our faces for non members of those sites.

    Sites like this one we show our faces and use real names because we don’t get the curious locals typing in “within 20 miles” on a match up search.

    So far so good. If we had jobs that could be affected we would most likely be a bit more careful.


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