The Swingers Attic

Archive for January, 2012

Would exploring help me enjoy my wife more?

by on Jan.30, 2012, under Unsorted

Question:

My wife is very conservative in her sexuality, and unfortunately, it
gets a it boring for me. Lately I’ve taken to masturbating also when
we make love. Needless to say, I’ve been fantasizing quite alot and
masturbating alone more. So my question is, would exploring group sex
with others (perhaps with male and female couple) help me enjoy my
wife more? She’s definitely not into it, so I would be doing it on my
own. If you think this could help, how do I procede to find partners?

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay so you should probably let your very conservative wife know that you’re bored with her and wish to pursue sex elsewhere.
If you plan on doing this behind your wife’s back…shame on you because somehow I truly don’t see your wife who in the first sentence of your question you call VERY conservative being okay with you sleeping with other people.
Now with that being said, if by chance you have spoken to your wife about such things then YES sometimes it helps couples kindle an old flame by having both or just one person of a couple take up the lifestyle. They sometimes take the situations home with them so in the bedroom they can verbally retell their sexual adventures which in turn arouses the other.
Now if you’re just looking to come home and have sex with your wife while thinking of the other sexual adventure and not share it with her or have her even know you are swinging, then NO it’s probably a really poor idea.
I don’t mean to be sound so judgmental and if your wife knows you’re thinking about taking up the lifestyle then fantastic, but you said you have been masturbating alone more and when you said you would be “doing it on my own,” it kind of sends up a red flag that your wife doesn’t know.
But if she does know I do apologize for any accusations.
Now in finding partners, all you need to do is find a swinger site such as Adult Friend Finder, join the site and create a profile. The rest is easy, just wait for inquiries and hope that as a single male you get chosen for play dates. Single men get a bad rap in the lifestyle because some men are dishonest about their profiles and also there are TONS of you out there, so the market tends to be over saturated. If you can make a good honest name for yourself in the swinger community you truly have it set because most single men are referred by other couples to other couples. So it would almost like building a clientele. I wish you the best on your journeys and hope you and your wife are able to get the passions of love flowing again openly and honestly. Hope you have a wonderful Valentines Day.

Answer:
By Aarron-
From the wording of your question I too think it sounds like cheating rather than swinging.
They are two different things entirely.
I will however skip the lecture and go with the assumption that you have spoken to your wife and she has given you her blessings because she is conservative in bed, but open minded in other ways.
Yes it will spice things up in most cases. It can completely reinvigorate some people even.
As Miranda said… making some profiles will do the trick, but only if you do it well. The swingers websites are full of single men seeking no strings sex. Couples have plenty to choose from, but still it is hard for couples to find single playing men because many are rude, don’t understand the swingers mentalities, don’t play by couples rules well, flake out, or are simply not very attractive in general when it comes to appearance, dress, attitude, or manners.
To be successful playing single as a male you must have an entire package worth the couples time.
The males who do succeed at this are very sought after.
Another option is to attend meet and greets.
These are off premise (no sex) meetings held at bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc… depending on your area where pretty much anybody can show up.
There are usually a few such regular gatherings in every major city and often a monthly such meet up in most smaller cities.
Finding them without knowing people is the hardest part.
Some are advertised in groups on sites while others are strictly word of mouth.

Here are a few previous Swingers Attic Topics that may help you in your endeavors.
Responding to a woman’s personal ad
That one is for obvious reasons.
Finding single men for swinging
A question from the other side… a couple asking about finding single men.
The proper order of the pictures for your profile
I used a female for the pictures, but let me assure you that if you don’t do the photo thing correctly as a male wishing to play alone that you WILL fail. As a male wishing the attention of couples and maybe single females you must have a well put together profile and that includes good photos. Don’t be another idiot with a cock shot and a blocked out face who wonders why the gals are not filling their inbox with requests for sex.
Solo And Traveling
My vanilla bar pickup advice at the end also kinda applies to meet and greets.
I am assuming you are out of practice in the pick up arena since you have been married long enough to be having the types of issues you have portrayed.

For a site to check out (it really depends on your area as to how busy a site is) I would most likely suggest SwingLifeStyle because of what you are seeking.
My wife mention AFF, but the single male ratio on that site is super high so I’m going with SwingLifeStyle.

Lastly, your wife may not be as conservative as you think.
I’ve unwrapped the package of many a conservative woman over the years to find that I had unleashed a beast.
Humans are animals. We all crave unless something is wrong or broken in us.
Your wife most likely has desires and fantasies too, even if she isn’t willing to discuss them or maybe even admit it. They may not be of a group sex sort, but they exist.

I hate recommending this book simply because of the title, but I have read it and it is pretty on spot with a lot of things.
It is short, cheesy, filled with a lot of obvious things, but it also has the key ingredients to bring a woman over if you have the patience and desire.
Getting Your Wife Or Girlfriend To Become A Swinger
This next one I haven’t read, but I know someone who has and they said it was worth the read.
Also the second review listed on amazon is by a well known swingers lifestyle blogger and she liked it, so that is something.
How To Turn Your Wife Into a Swinger

Good Luck!

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Are they a swingers couple?

by on Jan.25, 2012, under Unsorted

Question:
My husband and I have met a couple and after we was interduced the
next day I received a text message saying (we so so so need to get
together so the boys can have a play date,) at first i didnt think
anything about the text, but now i do think something is up. second
time being around i thought she was hitting on my man because we was
invited over to play cards drink beer. Everytime my man went to have a
smoke she followed outside.one time he was even taking a piss he said
hey im out here she said its only me. By now im getting upset i go out
she is telling us how she tans in the nude. Like i could careless. Ok
I have nothing against swingers. Just not for me. I was wondering do
you think this is a swingers cpl or she just after my man. And if they
are how do you tell a cpl this isnt what we are wanting.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay, so I can’t tell you exactly how to handle this situation because we don’t know if they’re truly swingers, and also if the female does have a little crush on your husband and they aren’t swingers do you really want to draw attention to it  if the husband of this lady hasn’t caught on?
Never rock a motor boat. You haven’t really hung out with this couple enough to really pass judgements on their sexual orientation and they may really take offence if you come out and say, “Hey we don’t want to sleep with you two,” if…they aren’t swingers.
Don’t make it a point to becomes friends with this couple if you aren’t feeling comfortable, or give it a little more time to see what their intentions are. Either way… you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
If the wife tans in the nude it is no big deal and whether you care or not is up to you. She probably didn’t think twice about your husband using the facilities outside, and if she also smokes you must remember that at social gatherings smokers often go out together.
Sit back, relax, and if they turn out to want to sleep with you, politely decline and decide if you want to carry on a friendship with this couple.

Answer:
By Aarron-
It is just as likely that you are dealing with a very open couple or a flirtatious woman as a lifestyle couple. It could be that this woman is just very forthright in her thinking and actions so comes off a bit strong in certain ways.
There is really no way for us to know if they are swingers by the things you mentioned. Going off of just those things I certainly wouldn’t have a clue if I was in your shoes.
I will say that if these people are making you uncomfortable right from the start it most likely wont be a long or important friendship.
Since you do have a desire to hang out for some reason though I would suggest that you somehow bring up the topic of swingers and then mention that such things are not for you. Doing such a thing would either get them to tell if they are or are not in the lifestyle, or at least make them know that you are not interested if they don’t wish to disclose such information.
As for the “she just after my man” part of your question… again I have no way of knowing. If it is a worry then maybe not hanging out with the people is your best bet.

 

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