The Swingers Attic

Wanting to know more even though it seems strange

by on Mar.18, 2012, under Newbie Help

Question:
My husband and I have been happily married for 40 years. Recently he
has brought up the idea of trying the swinging lifestyle. I was
totally shocked by this and hurt at first that he would want to try
it. I am still not convinced but want to know where I go to find out
more information about what it entails and if it’s right for me. It
just seems so strange to me and have really never thought of it
before. Thanks

Answer:
By Miranda-
First I want to say congratulations on 40 years of marriage!!! What an accomplishment these days! Secondly I must tell you that although I don’t know you how absolutely proud I am of you for seeking information on the lifestyle.
I can tell you from personal experience how much swinging has enriched my marriage and given me a power only other women in the lifestyle cam fully understand. I do also realize that swinging is NOT for everyone so don’t feel pressure from my response to feel any thing you may not want to.
I know you asked my for places to look up information and to be honest, Aarron is an absolute nerd when it comes to looking up information so I’m going to let him inform you on that end.
I’m just going to rattle off my personal beliefs, and yes that’s all they are folks…opinions. I can tell you that after 40 years of marriage I’m so thrilled you are taken aback by your husband’s request. It shows you are a women of devotion and I think that’s something this day and age people have sometimes forgot. I will also say that my devotion for my husband grew deeper after playing around in the lifestyle. I was able to swing with other men and women with my husband and then at the end of the night go home and make love with more passion and lust than I had before. I feel more alive while swinging and totally true to myself and my desires.
It has to be said that NO ONE and I don’t care who you are hasn’t thought once or twice in their lives, “Hey I wonder what it would be like to sleep with so and so?” or “Hey wouldn’t it be kinky to have a threesome?” It’s human nature to be curious and it’s also human nature to be faithful, so why not put two and two together? lol – Because you have 40 years experience with reading each others thoughts and working as a team you may just find swinging brings back a little heat you may not have known was gone.
I’ve known couples who aren’t married and just live together and are into the lifestyle and I know couples who met through the lifestyle, married and still happily play. I’ve known couples who’s relationships weren’t strong enough to make it through the difficult obstacles of the lifestyle, and YES you will have some but as I always say it’s not about the play date but about how you communicate and come together with your spouse in the end.
Don’t let swinging close of communication but allow it to blossom and grow from the experience you two will have.
If after doing a bit of research you decide to take the plunge I hope it enhances and flames the fires for you.
If you decide it is something you don’t want to try out I hope that at least you and your husband can grow through good communication about the whats and whys concerning the lifestyle.
Either way, I wish you more happy years of marriage and congratulate you on not just 40 years, but the next ten too.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Finding decent information on swinging is actually not very easy on the internet unless you are extremely web savvy.
The reason isn’t because of a lack of information or participants, but rather a huge amount of sensationalized shock articles published by mainstream press targeted to those who don’t know anything about it and in almost all cases written by people that know nothing either.
Secondarily there is the problem that large internet portals and social networks are overflowing with misinformation.
Yahoo for example has Yahoo Answers which is a place for people to ask questions. If you ask swinging related questions you will get tons of misinformation primarily from people who have never experienced the lifestyle or did so only in a microcosmic fashion. Good answers from long time swingers are rare on such sites.
Since however you are just looking for the basics I think I can help you out.

First there is the NASCA Int’l Swinging FAQ page. It is dry, a bit outdated, and very basic. Those basics are however pretty spot on.

Another good listing of the basics can be found at sexuality.org’s page on The Swing Community. It also is a bit dry, targeted towards the stereotypical, and I would warn against researching via the Bibliography because it will lead you to very outdated material and oftentimes things completely off base.

The advice section/archive on Life on the Swingset has some great content that if you read through it all can give you a good perspective of how SOME people think and navigate through the world of swinging, non monogamy, and polyamory.

The Swingers Board forums are filled with ideas, questions, advice, and stories, but please read them with a grain of salt. Being a free forums system allowing anyone to make accounts has made it almost as horrible as yahoo answers when it comes to misinformation.
The site is free though, and that is the price of open forums. It exists primarily by up-selling SwingLifestyle which is an online swingers personals/dating site. Swinglifestyle also offers free to view forums which can give you a glimpse of what people interested in swinging are talking about. Not I said interested in rather than participating swingers. The forums are not the most active swingers forums when it comes to people who actually play. (play is the term most commonly used to refer to couples getting together for sexual activity)
I am not knocking the site.  When it comes to bang for your buck SwingLifestyle is the tops for frugal swingers who wish to meet others without paying a fortune to do so. I have not found a site even close to a busy as this one in the same price range. Please note that where a person lives can greatly affect this. We are on the West coast and the site has many members here.

For good forums that are decently active with many REAL swingers in them I always recommend Lifestyle Lounge. The problem however is that Lifestyle Lounge doesn’t allow full access to view their forums for non members. They do offer some though. If you wish to participate you must become a member of the site.
A lot of special groups (some active and some not) also exist along with a huge advice archives filled with darn good advice from a lifestyle gal who goes by the name of Robyn.
Like most sites of this type they have a free sign up that allows more access.

A fun take on swinging information and advice can be found at CoupleDoingIt.com with great videos (meant to be humorous) and a nice frequently asked questions section.

Lastly there is Wikipedia’s Swinging page which is filled with all the basics and pretty dang accurate.

Being that swinging is a social activity above all else I must stress that you will learn more about the world of swinging via personally operated sites like ours, Life on the Swingset, and CoupleDoingIt.com than through sites like Wikipedia.
The same goes for reading forums. A full day of reading through the Lifestyle Lounge forums will give you more incite as to the various sorts of swingers, the reasons that motivate them, and the activities they partake in than any website that just offers up general information on what swinging is.

Lastly I should mention that there are a ton of books targeting the subject available.
Swingers Lifestyle Books on Amazon
I have read most of them (just because of a reading addiction) and to be honest I would again recommend spending time on some good forums over any book I know of.

The sites above will certainly give you information about what swinging entails. So many different things for different people) and some good forum reading should give you the more personal glimpses that may help you decide if it may be right for you.

 

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