The Swingers Attic

Canceling because the wife lacks sex appeal

by on Jul.23, 2012, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help, Playing with others, Unsorted

My husband and I are new to this lifestyle and we had our first
encounter with another couple in February. Like you both we(my husband
and I) consider ourselves “social swingers” we would like to forge
a relationship as friends and get to know the couple better before
moving forward.

His wife does not live in the country and she visits occasionally. In
February we meet 2 times, the 1st time for dinner where we had nice
conversation about the lifestyle and what we like and what they like
and past experiences good and bad. The 2nd time(in February) we went
out in a club environment and there was very little conversation as we
met up with another group of friends and didn’t really get to know
them. They were very patient and understanding for us as newbies!!

Within that time to now we have been in contact with her husband via
email and hung out once or twice. He (the husband) is really nice and
appealing to me, my husband find he is very nice as well, personality
and charm. Just as a note:- one of their rules are they always
“play” together and in the same room. We were ready to go if they
“played” separately. One of my husband fantasies is seeing me with
another man. Just hanging out with the husband added excitement to our
sex lives!!

Question:

The wife came back to visit last week and we meet twice so far and had
much more meaningful conversations, getting to know the wife better.
The predicament we are in right now is that the wife is not appealing
sexually to either my husband or myself. We have formed a cool
relationship with the husband but his wife lacks personality and sex
appeal. The wife leaves later in the week and they have invited us
over to their place, to have some fun before she leaves.

We are really do not want to go through with it anymore but we are not
sure what to say or how to turn down the offer without offending them.
We don’t want them to feel like we have strung them along either. We
also feel a bit rushed as they (the couple) want to get down to
business quickly before the wife leaves.
Can you please offer some advice on how to deal with this?

Answer:
By Miranda-
My personal belief on this matter is to just make yourselves busy until the wife leaves and then gradually and painlessly disconnect with the husband.  If they only play together then there is your answer…let him go!  They may be nice people and you don’t want to hurt  their feeling but truly do you really want to say,” hey listen we totally want the mister for a threesome but you remind me of a door mat and we just can’t find you appealing?”  No you don’t so do this with grace and consideration, let the connection go quietly and he won’t even know you did it.  Something just came up and you two can’t make it…enough said.  Yes they will wonder if you’re blowing them off but really in the grand scheme of things they will already know that if you put yourselves in a sexual situation that you and your husband aren’t comfortable with.  I usually say honesty is the best policy but…in this case to avoid ill feeling just make yourselves unavailable. Hope I have helped and thanks for writing in, happy swingin!

Answer:
By Aarron-
I am in total agreement with my wife on this one.
That is how we would handle it ourselves because 1) My wife does most of the pre-date chatty stuff, & 2) almost any other scenario would cause some sort of hurt feelings needlessly.
I would especially say that in your case as self described “newbies” taking one for the team or offering up a fuck to not offend or hurt feelings is not a great idea.
Hope it all works out for you.

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