The Swingers Attic

Couples Dating

He dresses like an idiot

by on Feb.04, 2011, under Couples Dating, Unsorted

Question:

We met a very hot couple last Halloween at the on premises club we go to and had some of the best sex ever.
The guy did everything right and made me cum harder than I have ever came in my life.
We invited them to a formal New Years party and after the party it was the same thing. Best sex ever.
My husband really likes the girl too.
We then invited them to a local meet up that we attend monthly.
He showed up in brown high wasted slacks with a blue button up shirt that had to be ten years out of date. He had it tucked in tight. Grey socks and tennis shoes completed his ensemble.
I was embarrassed for him as well as for myself.
We can tell his wife thinks he is dressed to kill.
They are both clueless.
Suggestions on how to approach the subject with them?
Or should we just stick to inviting them to themed events that require certain sorts of attire?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think you have answered your own question. I personally would stick to themed events for a while and not bring the subject up.
I think its a wife’s job to dress their husband’s when they don’t hit the mark but the bummer of this situation is your playmate IS hitting your mark just not in the clothing department.
What’s worse is the wife believes that the way her husband’s dressed is the bees knees and if so, she’s probably the one doing the shopping for him and he has NO clue he’s dressed like an idiot.
I think its safe to stick with themed events for now, maybe developing a better relationship will allow you to eventually give guidance in his choice in duds but for now I think just stick with events where clothing is dictated or invite them to your home or a hotel.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way either, after all these playmates are suppose to be partially fantasy and if you aren’t getting aroused by his clothes it’s going to be harder to get aroused by him. 
Last resort is just every once and a while throw things out when in their company about things you like your husband to wear to look sexy and that might  plant a seed…or lets hope it does! 
You may also find out from chatting about clothes that the wife despises the way he dresses but just loves him so gosh darn much that she doesn’t want to make him feel bad.  That’s where you come in with pointers and such on things she can do to get him dressing nicer.  I can’t say that this will definitely work but if you want to keep enjoying your Erkle dressing sex god, start slow and build from there. 
Good luck and thanks for the question, we’re always listening!

Answer:
By Aarron-
We have run into a similar situation ourselves before.
With us however it was meeting a couple in their daily type clothing a few times in a vanilla setting and then when we had our “date,” he showed up dressed to the 9′s (in his mind) and looked like an idiot.
Because they seemed like such great people we still played with them and in our case the guy was not a sex master of any sort, so that was the end of it.
It was his clothes that ended it.
Maybe if he was a sex ninja Miranda would have looked past it and I would have sought out ways to hang out that didn’t require him to try and dress up.
Clothes don’t always make the man as some say, but they can sure ruin it if he hasn’t a clue.
My advice id to stick with themed swinger events.
Only go out with them to events that ask for certain styles of dress or costumes and make sure to tell them you expect them to dress for the event.
Themed events rarely require couples to dress up (they just ask you to do so) and I could see the guy sticking out even more if he dresses terrible and half the room is done up like Naughty Nurses and Doctors.
When out with them drop hints about clothing.
Say it in a way that will make the guy wish to impress you.
Example:
“They have Alfani Red dress shirts on sale right now at Macy’s and I got my husband one because they make him look so sexy.”
I would say to mention a brand names because otherwise he will still be in the dark.
Mention middle of the road designer brands from stores like Macy’s and anything he gets will be at least somewhat fashionable.
You can get your husband in on this too.
He can say stuff like:
“I bought these shoes at (insert store) and women seem to love them.”
Between the two of you it is very possible to get him thinking about dressing in a different fashion for swinging success.
Another idea would be to ask the guy to go lingerie shopping with you if the couple is comfortable enough for that sort of thing.
Bring him to a mall and let him pick out something with you.
Afterwards say “I want to find you a sexy outfit.”
Bring him into a men’s section and dress him up.
If he is a bad dresser he is probably a bargain clothes shopper so avoid extremely high priced items that may scare him from purchasing fashionable clothing in the future.
Tell him it’s hot.
Next time you go out with him make sure you let him know how great he looks.
One night of huge compliments may change his style forever.

Hope we have helped you with some ideas.
Good luck.

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Breaking the rules of attraction

by on Sep.22, 2010, under Couples Dating, Lifestyle Etiquette, Playing with others

Question:

What should I do if I think I am becoming too attracted to one of our regular playmates? I have not told them or my husband how attracted I have become and I feel as if I am breaking rules.

Answer:
By Miranda-
In the lifestyle I sometimes feel like we are suppose to leave all emotions at the door and just fuck! Sometimes that isn’t possible.  Sometimes you begin to care for someone beyond the orgasms. 
Truthfully I believe  you are not able to be true to yourself or your husband if you hide feelings that develop through play. 
Now I am not saying for you to confess your undying love for your special playmate to your husband but I would let him know you feel differently that you have felt before.  Communication is so important and it’s what makes or breaks marriages.  Your husband can’t be so ignorant as to not understand how human attraction works so give his confidence a try. 
He may understand and think its great or he may need time to process and stop play with that couple. 
I will tell you that you need to tell your husband first and foremost.  Nothing worse than finding out from the other couples wife that your wife has feelings for her husband and she doesn’t want to see you two again.  Sit down and have a talk about it…you won’t know how he will react until you do.  And remember you aren’t breaking any sacred swinger laws, feelings and attractions happen, we wouldn’t be human if they didn’t.  If you play with a couple long enough feeling are bound to occur but it’s to what extent you are willing to take them that is at question. 
Now if you want to leave your husband all of a sudden and run away with the man, that isn’t right but if you feel like you love the playmate and just wish to continue a swinging relationship with him for many years…that is great.  All we need is love and who’s to say we can only love one person at a time.  I find the more I love, the more I grow and happier I am.

Answer:
By Aarron-
While I am not sure about what specific rules you and your husband may have in place with regards to your swinging activities I would consider not telling about developing a special attraction to be a bad scene waiting to happen.
If at any time you even start to think thoughts like “Should I tell?” then you should.
Swinging is about trust amongst other things.
If you are unsure about weather or not you should confide in your husband about something related to the lifestyle you always should in my opinion.
As for being overly attracted to someone… I never think attraction is bad.
Attraction is sexy. Attraction is hot.
How far that goes is up to you and your comfort levels.
Many lifestylers avoid becoming what they consider overly connected with others they play with.
What level of an attraction should be considered to much is all up to the individuals in question.

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