The Swingers Attic

Insecurities

Confidence and a wife that goes for hotter guys

by on Aug.06, 2012, under Insecurities

Question:

We are newbies with experience. My wife is way hotter than me and always goes for guys that are way hotter than me. We always end up with couples exactly the opposite. Hot guy with less hot woman.
I’m not ugly in any way, just average. My wife seems to never be interested in men of my caliber though and always is after the male model looking guys. If the guy has a wife like that they usually say no thank you.
My wife not wanting to play with guys of my caliber and only going for the super studs is giving me a lot of insecurity. I have had fun, but am thinking to quit the lifestyle over it.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I’m sorry for your experiences with the “better looking” guys.
I totally understand where you’re coming from but want to remind you that swinging is a women powered sport. If the women likes the man…it’s a go, if the man wants the women he better pray she finds him attractive. It’s not fair, but very typical in the lifestyle.
I think what you need to do is sit down and talk to your wife about how you’re feeling. Make sure you convey how serious this is to you and how you’re feeling inadequate to the fabio’s she’s tending to be drawn to.
I think the one thing I dislike about swinging is it’s dating times four, which makes it that much harder. Everyone in the equation must say “game on” for the equation to work and sometimes rejection is gonna happen, but it shouldn’t be happening ALL the time. Let your wife know you don’t want to play if she’s going to continuously going to pick men and women she knows aren’t going to want to meet up.
I will add that a man is much sexier if he’s confident, so maybe your insecurities are not starting with being rejected but starting by believing you aren’t good looking.
Women are like animals, we sense when a man isn’t confident in himself, so whether it’s a profile picture or meeting one on one remember you’re only as good looking as you think you are…truly.
I think equality is SOOOO important in swinging, but remember sometimes it’s hard to find it.
Everyone has different tastes. I haven’t seen you, but believe you’re good looking to many women and just need the extra boost in knowing you are. You attracted your wife.
Let your wife know you need reassurance of your looks. Once she starts pumping you up I know for a fact you’ll feel sexier and more desirable which will in turn make you so. You’ll start feeling more confident and visually looking so. Try and think that the only thing average about you is your confidence so have a little faith in yourself and remember beauty is in the sparkle of your eyes. I know that sounds SOOOOOOO cheesy but it is true. When looking for a couple if the guy doesn’t sparkle his eyes at me I know he’s not interested or has lack of confidence. Never let them see you sweat, unless in the bedroom. Average is average but a man with sparkle in is eyes is totally sexy. Your wife should be giving you your sparkle. Thanks for writing in and remember communication is key in swinging so talk to your honey, I bet you’ll feel better after you do.

Answer:
By Aarron-
You say you are not ugly. Your just average. You say your wife is hotter than you. You always end up with couples exactly the opposite. “Hot guy with less hot woman.”
First I will say that what my wife says about confidence is true. Women love confidence.
Next I will say that if these couples you are getting together with where the wives are “less hot” are not doing it for you then you need to not be playing with such couples. Your doing exactly what you think you wish your wife to do.
She shouldn’t go for guys she isn’t attracted to and you shouldn’t go for women you are not into.
Take your time and look for couples you both find attraction with.
If your feeling these women whom you do find attractive are a higher caliber than yourself it will come across in how you act with them.
Needy, desperate, scared… are all things I am envisioning. None of those things will turn a woman on very often.
The women you do play with that you consider your caliber or less… how do you act with them?
I’m guessing more confident because you are not worried.
Act that way with everyone.

I would like to add that sexing it up with people you are not into is not very nice to the women in question. (at least not in my mind)
You wouldn’t want those girls of a higher caliber (as you put it) to have sex with you only because their spouse somehow got them to do so, or because they felt you where the best they could do… but would prefer someone different would you?
I wouldn’t.

Pick your partners based on desires. Your doing a disservice to both you and your partners if you don’t really want to be there.

Also… if you open your eyes a bit you will find that very few people are completely mismatched.
Why is the “male model looking guy” married to the woman?
Does he think it is a mismatch? He probably thinks she is the most awesome thing ever. That is probably why he married her. Just maybe he is a tad better looking, but maybe she is the best sex he ever had. Or maybe she is the sweetest thing under the sun.
More often than not though it is just a matter of personal tastes.
He may love thick thighs while you see fat. He may love small breasts while you see to skinny. He may like really short girls while you are into super tall.
He most likely considers his wife much more beautiful than yours.
You obviously (from what you’ve said) consider your wife more beautiful than his.
That is just fine. It is your wife. The girl YOU thought was so amazing you needed to marry her.
That girl who isn’t exactly your favorite is that “male model looking guy’s” version of someone so amazing he wanted to get married to her.

 

 

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An extremely high sex drive after watching the wife

by on Jul.30, 2012, under Insecurities, Playing with others, Spice

Question:
My wife and I are new to the lifestyle, and while I admit that I’m a
bit of a voyeur, I’m also bi-curious and absolutely LOVE watching her
with another man. I’ve noticed that afterwards, my sex drive is
EXTREMELY high. No feelings of jealousy, just an insatiable desire.
She once said it was like I was trying to reclaim what was rightfully
mine. We have a great relationship with nothing held back, and I was
wondering if this was normal. Sex for us is 4 – 5 times a week on
average, yet afterwards it’s 4 – 5 times a day for a couple of days.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Hehehe!!! You sound like my husband after we have a great swim in the swingers pool. YES, it’s totally normal and not strange at all…I think. So you get super turned on with your wife after you play, well I thought that was the point? To have fun play dates to then go home and have more of intense and better sex. Call me crazy!
After we play we go home I fall asleep and early in the morning sometimes as early as 4, I awake to find Aarron ready to go for another round of sexy fun. Then we fuck, usually with Aarron telling me how sexy I was and how turned on he got by watching me, then drift back to sleep only to be woken up again a couple hours later with Aarron mentioning how hard his cock is still because of me, so an answer to your question….YES it is normal if your names are Miranda and Aarron! Hope I have helped or at least made you feel not alone. Thank you for writing in and remember to always tell your wife how damn sexy she is for sexing it up with other men in front of you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
It is super common to be very sexually amped up after a good swinging encounter.
When we first started playing in the lifestyle I had many conversations about exactly that with other people.
I too am a bit voyeuristic and enjoy watching my wife have fun so am right there with you.
Consider yourself a lucky guy because though it is very normal I have also met many people that because of jealousies, insecurities, feelings of shame, guilt, etc… they experience something that seems to be almost the polar opposite.

 

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