The Swingers Attic

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First time half swap and jealousy

by on Jul.08, 2012, under Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My husband and I had our first experience at a party this weekend. I
loved it, he loved most of it. He admitted later that he didn’t like
seeing me with another man. We had agreed in advance that I would not
have intercourse. So I only had oral sex. He asked if it was ok for
him to have intercourse and I was more than fine with it. I don’t know
what you would call this, first of all. And I also wonder if this is a
common thing. I want to do this again but I am worried he won’t want
to because of his jealousy. What do I do to get him into it?

Answer:
By Miranda-
This is a total common thing, men usually either love watching their wives have sex with other men or it makes the hair on the back of their necks stand up and they see red.  I think men, no matter what any of them say are ALL about possession. I think it is a biological thing.  They love that THEIR sexy,  hot wife is being so naughty or they want that strange neanderthal to get the hell of f THEIR sexy hot wife.
I find it really funny at times how the simple male brain operates, me like or…club him!!!!  okay enough teasing on the guys.
I think the best thing to do is to try it  again because sometimes it takes a bit for husbands to warm up to the idea.
And then again it may not!
Only more play time will tell, and if after a couple more tries it still isn’t working for him then it’s time to throw in the ol swinger towel or live a life of FFM play.  I think its important for men that are having issues such as your husband’s to be honest about them so bravo and hats off to your husband.  Some men let it fester until their is a major blow up, sometimes during a play date!!!  EEEEP!!  I would definitely give it the ol college try though and see if things get better.  I will say that if Aarron wasn’t comfortable with me having sex with another man there would be NOOOOOOO way on GOd’s green earth he would be able to indulge.  Sorry honey but I’m all about even Stevens, none of that craziness in my house.  Equality now!!!! lol.
I also think it’s important for guys to be totally comfortable with the guy you’re playing with because it can put a husband on edge if they have any doubts about your male playmate.  I know Aarron and I have a couple that are SOOOOO relaxed and chill and so my husband feels okay with the guy but we have had playmates that Aarron wouldn’t even go to the bathroom because he didn’t trust them alone (isn’t he cute?).  So maybe you two need to find a couple and make super good friends with them so your hubby can sit back and marvel in HIS hot sexy wife doing naughty things.  Thanks for the great question and keep em  girl cummin!

Answer:
By Aarron-
What you two did is commonly called a half swap. It is not unusual and is most often the exact scenario you described, but sometimes is the reverse.
As to your husbands jealousy… it is a normal response for the majority of men to experience jealousy at first. It usually gets less and less as time goes by if you keep playing, but not always.
My advice is that you should keep it to half swap or soft swinging (both oral only) for a while and discuss feelings after your play-dates every time.
I don’t 100% agree with my wife that all men are “ALL about possession,” but I would say that to some degree it is for the most part true.
I mention that because you can play up to it. If you know what would turn your husband on visually or as a scenario when it comes to your actions you can make it a bit of a special show for him. It can in a way make it seem as if your actions are as much for him as for you. Not all men however are into such things.
I’ve met many couples who play separate room simply because they don’t enjoy seeing each other having sex with others. They like the strange/new partners for themselves, but are not down with watching their spouse get it on.
Miranda mentioned comfort levels between the men. This I do agree with completely. It is especially important if the male has jealousy issues based on propriety and feels possessive of his wife.
When a guy hits it off with another guy they chat and share things. They show off their stuff.
Look at my motorcycle, my collection of stamps, my baseball cards, my boat, my hobbies, etc… (I tried to be random) If a guy doesn’t hit it off with another guy he doesn’t want to share his collections, prize possessions, or hobbies. You as his wife fall into a weird category of possession. The first two words in your question say “My husband,” giving you possession of him.
You in a way possess each other. For him to feel very comfortable about sharing his wife he may also need to feel like he wants to show off his toys.
I hope you don’t get annoyed that I compared you as a wife to material objects, but the same motivations for a guy to show off his special collections/possessions to another guy are often they key to showing off his special wife in a sexual way.

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Taking the plunge, kissing rules, guys sucking cock

by on Feb.11, 2012, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:
me and my wife have been married for 16 yrs we have always been
curious about swinging,early into our marriage we gave a try to
swinging with a friend of mine at the time we were doing drugs so when
we did finally do it we had no discussions about it we just jumped
right into it we tried this a few times always the same no talk and
always it felt awkward,so with these experiences my wife was totally
turned off and did not want to do it again but now years later and
drug free we have found an old friend of mine her and her husband are
swingers that have done lots of research and have invited us to come
and join them,we find ourselves very excited about the idea at the
same time very nervous we don’t know the rules can you give us some
advice on how to go about things and maybe tell us where to look up
the rules we have questions like is kissing ok and how do you make
yourself relax how do you talk to them should we just ask,also my wife
likes to see me suck cock but I’m afraid if i ask them i will offend
them and i don’t want to ruin things before it gets started should i
just leave it alone please tell me is this common to have bi curious
in swinging situations my wife is dying to have her pussy ate and to
eat pussy her self so while that is going on what do the men do. thank
you for listening

Answer:
By Miranda-
Some couples in the swinging community refrain from kissing while others absolutely love it. Everyone makes their own rules and everyone enjoys different things. Some find kissing is too personal so they pass it up but to some a kiss is just a kiss, tongue or no tongue.
As for your inquiry into you sucking another mans cock while your wife watches, I’ll tell you that you need to find openly bisexual men for that kind of action.
Straight men generally don’t want their cock sucked by anyone who isn’t female and whether you consider yourself straight or bisexual in your own mind, it would be a lot less stressful for both couples if you find couples with bi sexual men.
You wouldn’t want to become really close to a couple only to find out later that they enjoyed peeing their playmates if you are not into such kinks. Don’t waste peoples time by getting to know them, knowing they’re straight (if they’re bisexual they’ll often say it on their profile) and then tell them you’d like to suck the husbands cock and expect a positive response.
Swinging is often fast paced and if couples don’t mesh…game over move on.
People have personal lives, careers, children and other obligations so if you aren’t upfront with them in them from the get-go it can really piss a couple off.
I advice adding onto your profile if you’re meeting couples through a site exactly what you’re looking for in play partners otherwise it’s like bait and switch.
Let couples know what you want and they’ll in turn be up front and honest with you.
Be a deceiver and the only thing you and your wife will attract are flies.
The swinging world is small in communities, even in cities word gets around, have one bad experience and you could be shunned forever.
Now onto your wife wanting to taste another girl, that’s easy. A lot of girls are bi curious or okay with another girl licking them even if they themselves aren’t into it. Once again though communication is key with couples. Get to know each other before you just jump in bed thinking okay bring it on. Bi curious to one couple’s female might be just some light touching and kissing while another couple might consider it, satisfying each others kitties with fingers, tongues or a strap-on.
Each situation is different just like every couple is different. If the girls do decide to have a little one on one time a lot of the times the men will just caress the females while they play and some will jack off to keep themselves hard just in case the girls part ways and it’s time to get busy.
The official “How to” for swinging really doesn’t exist. it’s all about finding fits for you and your wife. Sometimes you get really interested in a couple, decide to play and there is NO chemistry and all you think is, damn what a waste of a Saturday night and a babysitter.
I always think of swinging like that TV show called ‘the dating game’ after you decide you want a play-date with a couple, you ask the most important questions, do you kiss, are you into full swap or soft, is there anything you don’t like being done to you or your spouse, and do you get tested for std’s??? Basically all those questions you would love to have seen on the show! Then you let the other couple ask their questions, allow each other to voice any concern, then pick your door, bedroom, bathroom or kitchen…game on!!!!!
Just go into the swinger community with openness to your spouse and openness towards other couples and you’re off to a good start. I hope I have help guide you a bit and given good suggestions and have fun, be safe and have a ball!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Since your original foray into playing with others left a bit to be desired because of lack of communication I will guess you wont let that happen again.
It is very important to talk everything out plus some when you first get into swinging.
The no kissing thing is a semi common idea/rule for new and just experimenting couples. It is close to unheard of with more experienced couples.
I personally have no interest in sex with a woman whom I can’t kiss, so it isn’t something I have dealt with much. I also tend to go for women who are very confident in their sexuality and with their relationships, and women of that type don’t keep no kissing rules around very long even if they originally started with such a rule.
My advice on dealing with kissing rules is simply to ask a persons rules and play styles before you get to the sex.
Bisexual play between women is almost expected in swinging. Even women who have no true interest in girl on girl play often do it just because it is so expected. In the swingers lifestyle it is assumed unless otherwise stated that a woman has some curiousness if she is not fully bisexual.
Men often push for such behavior in women too because it gives them a sex show.
Most women who swing and don’t want girl on girl action learn very fast to let it be known from the start. “Hi, my name is Susan and I am straight.”
The opposite situation exists for men. As open as most swingers consider themselves to be because hey have sex with other people besides their spouse… swingers are often very homophobic. Some are blunt about it while most claim not to be and make statements like “to each their own,” but at the same time avoid bisexual men and make sure everyone around knows that they themselves are not into it.
It takes bravery to be openly bisexual as a male in swinging unless you happen to live in a very liberal city. Even then you can be ostracized in many circles/cliques.
One of the sad outcomes of that situation is that men will not admit they are interested in such play on their swingers profiles even when they are for fear of not getting play dates.
They must feel each-other out in person by making comments and starting discussions that lead to it. Often that duty is left up to he wife with her being able to say things like “I would like to see Richard suck a cock someday,” which opens up communication between the females while not causing problems or pressure for the men. Often it is a bit of a lie because Richard may have just sucked a cock the night before, but saying “I love to watch Richard suck cock,” is an open admission that may stop a date from going any farther and make for an awkward situation.
My personal advice would be to state such things on your profile and be honest about what you wish.
Men who don’t say such things on their own profiles for fear of the things mentioned above will be more apt to contact you. The ones who definitely are against men who play with other men will avoid you. The straight men without homophobia will not care and still be fine with contacting you, but will often state they are only interested in male to female sex.
There is no hard and fast rule book to swinging and there never will be. You may find some basics… (I listed a few resources in this post a few weeks ago)
No book or website can cover it all because people are so different.
We can generalize, but that is about it.
I once thought of writing a book myself on the subject, but when I started to outline it I realized that to fully cover any single aspect of how things work in swinging would take hundreds of pages.
Who would want a ten volume set of books each a thousand plus pages long on the swinging lifestyle?
The same goes for websites. We have been answering questions her on The Swingers Attic for a couple years now and I doubt the questions will ever quit coming. The subject is endless.

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