The Swingers Attic

Sexuality

When he watches me I can’t cum

by on Nov.14, 2011, under Sexuality, Unsorted

Question:

About a year ago I fulfilled one of my husbands fantasies by meeting up with a traveling man in a hotel room for sex and then coming home with his cum in me. That first time was nerve wracking because I didn’t know what to expect from my husband afterwards, but it turned him on so much it was like when we first met. He wanted sex with me every minute for weeks and couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I loved his response so much I decided to do it again and because I wasn’t worried had the hugest orgasms ever. We have been doing this ever since and both love it.
About two months ago my husband asked to watch me and I did it. My husband loved it and I had sex with both of them three times each. It was fun and my husband was even more turned on and now that is what he wants. To fuck me with a freshly filled pussy. The problem is that i can’t cum when i am being watched. I like how passionate it makes him towards me, but I have become addicted to the multiple orgasms I get from having a new guy and knowing how my husband is going to ravish me afterwards. When he watches I get just to the point of climax and can’t get over it. I told him I like the hotel meetings and privacy and he says it isn’t as good so he doesn’t want me doing it anymore. If you have suggestions on how to get a compromise on this I’d be a happy woman. No lectures on STD facts and meeting strange men please. My husband does background checks on the men before I meet them and makes sure they are who they say and I am in the medical profession and know that I am taking health risks, but also know that I am more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the hotel than catch an STD that can’t be taken care of with simple antibiotics. I asked a similar question to this on another site with forums and just got told that I shouldn’t meet with strange men and to use condoms by a bunch of people who get their health information from scare pamphlets.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Well you won’t get any STD facts from us today my dear!!!!  I think it’s wonderful you do this for your husband and I also think it’s great you and your husband were able to light an old flame in the bed room by fulfilling your husband’s fantasies.  It sounds like you enjoy sleeping with other men and you enjoy your husband’s reactions.
Now onto ways you can find a compromise!!!  I think you should ask your husband if you can maybe film the encounter.  That way you come home with a tape for him to cherish for as long as he likes and you also get to orgasm multiple times.
I personally don’t think it’s fair for your husband to all of a sudden change the game plan by saying it’s not good to meet them alone anymore since you’ve been doing it for a year.  I do think it’s dangerous for you to meet men in hotels you don’t know but…it’s absolutely none of my business and to each their own.
I can’t say I never did anything like that before.  The men of course would have to agree to the taping of course, but if you aren’t enjoying your husband’s presence and he loves to watch you with these men well… that’s my suggestion.  That way you get to cum and he gets a souvenir, it’s a win win situation.  I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma and hope you and your husband can figure it out.  It doesn’t sound like a horrible hitch in your giddy up just a small puddle, you two I can tell will make it work for both of you. Good luck and have fun enriching the communication in your marriage, also thank you for sharing your life with Aarron and I.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I like Miranda’s filming idea, but I am not sure that would give your husband what he is looking for, and it also may remove the spontaneity from your own experiences and maybe make you just as self conscious as when your husband is watching in person. I am taking it for granted that it is a bit of self consciousness that is stopping your orgasms while being watched, or it may be that you behave differently with the other men when alone, and become inhibited while your hubby is in the room.
I will say that if he liked you coming home after, and also liked being there during… the filming would be something else he would probably enjoy. It is doubtful it would replace his wanting to watch though in my mind.
The compromise you are looking for is basically that you are just as entitled to get what you want in your sexual adventures as your husband is. It is one of those situations where my advise is just to state what you want and need.
Make it an every other time type thing maybe. He gets off on the watching, being involved, and sexing you up immediately, but you need some private one on one to get your rocks off. Say so.
It is great that you started with this activity to fulfill your husbands desires and it turned out to be something you really enjoy. I would guess that because of how you started the adventure and the description of your husbands reactions that he would be more than happy to do an every other time type play agreement.

 

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Empowered yet still regret my past

by on Mar.29, 2011, under Sexuality, Unsorted

Question:
I was an easy girl with low self-esteem through my early twenties and had sex with a full dozen different men before I met my husband.
It has been very hard for me to come to terms with my past and I have only recently began to respect myself again. Because of my past I agreed to allow another woman into our bed for a threesome. We had such a good time that it sparked an interest in swinging. We have now graduated to being very active swingers. My sex life has never been better and I have had sex with close to 20 men and half a dozen women in the last year. I have no regrets about any of it. It is a journey I experience with my husband and I am guilt free. It is a lifestyle choice I actually feel proud of and it even empowers me. For some reason I still feel shame about my youth though. I can’t let go completely. Any advice?

Answer:
By Miranda-
You sound as if you are truly on your road to recovery and YES you will one day not look at your youthful past as a problem but more as a lesson.
Reading your e-mail, I thought I had written it. I too had a colorful past with men and felt for many years ashamed of who I was. Being uneducated and misinformed is a huge problem for today’s youth with becoming sexually active.
For example, when I told my mother I was sexually active she never once told me to make sure my partner wore a condom, but she did run me to the nearest family planning center and sign me up for birth control.
Who would have thought having a baby could be worse that AIDS? Sexual acts in our youth are what mold us sexually and they allow us to explore others as well and without healthy practices guilt and low self-esteem may develop so we need to do it responsibly.
Now I am not saying you didn’t use protection but I know my lesson came after having tons of unprotected sex and when I met my husband I was untruthful about my past because I didn’t want him to think of me in that way.
He had always been very safe and guilt free because though he had slept with literally hundreds of woman he saved bare back for special cases.
The guilt ate at me everyday and after two years I broke down and told him the truth. They say the truth sets you free but seeing the sadness and disappointment in my husbands eyes made me feel lower than I had ever felt. I had many sexual partners unprotected and never been tested for HIV and then didn’t tell the man who loved me and was always honest with me. I felt like dirt!
Now after six  more years it has been put behind us and we are both able to joke about my “slutty” days without me feeling resentment for him and embarrassed for myself.
Swinging has not only made me feel empowered because of how I am able to behave and how men view me, but it has empowered me because of the responsible choices I am able to make now.
I wish kids were taught about safe sex education from someone they look up to and respect rather than a pervert high school  gym teacher who spends the quarter looking down blouses or mothers who are more concerned with pregnancy that STDs. (That was what I got)
For all of you out there reading this please please please take the time to teach your children about healthy sexual experiences and practices. Yes it can be awkward and extremely uncomfortable, but just remember one day that your daughter just might have to look the person she loves with all her heart in the face and say “honey I am ashamed of a past I haven’t told you about and worse yet I may have an STD, but have been too scared for years to go find out.” Then her loved one will have to sit and wait while she is tested. By the way,  I can tell you I was and am clean to this day…but all because of pure luck.
We can all break through shameful sexual experiences and get over our mental anguish from our mistakes, it just takes time and loved ones to stand by with comfort and support.
Sounds like you have a great husband too. Be thankful for him but also be thankful for yourself everyday.

Answer:
By Aarron-
The mind is a strange thing to allow us to feel good about having a lot of sex and ashamed about it at the same time.
Miranda called me “guilt free,” and in regards to how slutty I have been through life I am. Sex is a wonderful thing and I have enjoyed a lot of it. I will continue to do so. I am a proud slut.
I wouldn’t call myself “guilt free” though.
I can relate to how you feel, but from a very odd perspective.
When I was teen I was a guy who wanted a girl just once or twice. I never said any different and I never had to talk a girl into anything. No promises and no endearments given and they still chose me as their first.
For years I felt great that I had been so many girls first time. I thought of them as lucky because I heard so many bad stories about first times. I had experience and took my time making sure they had a wonderful first. If I liked them I’d go back a few times. They all spoke highly of me and I was a happy guy with envious friends.
Many years later a girl told me I had broken her heart. I spoke of it to a long time female friend and she responded with “I know the feeling.”
It took a couple more to really drive it home though that most of these girls had hoped they would be special. Even though I was always straight up about it they had hoped for something I just wasn’t willing to give.
Guilt set in.
I still have it in small quantities because I know that even though I gave a lot of girls great first times that they most likely wouldn’t have had otherwise I neglected to see inside them.
Maybe they would have been better off with a 2 second sex session or a guy who couldn’t even find the hole if that guy would have wanted to be their boyfriend.
I will never know, but the point is that most of us have mistakes in our pasts when it comes to sex.
At least in my case I was honest with the girls so there was no bad feelings towards me.
Youth is a time of learning.
That is how we all need to think about it. Different paths are followed by different people and they lead us to becoming the people we are.
Without your past experiences you never would have become the person you are today.
Each and every thing you have done in life has brought you to the place you are now.
You said you are happy and empowered. You mentioned swinging as a shared journey with your husband and that tells me you probably are happy with your marriage and glad he is your husband.
Your pretty well off if you ask me. You would not be who you are or where you are without your time as an “easy girl.”
Think on that a bit and next time you are feeling a bit shameful about your past remember that it helped create the proud and empowered sexual being you now are.

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