The Swingers Attic

Sexuality

Don’t like my husbands bisexual fantasies

by on Mar.04, 2011, under Sexuality

Question:
We are new to the lifestyle and have only played around with soft swapping so far.
I have had a lot of fun sexing it up with other women so I know this sounds hypocritical, but I do not like that my husband has fantasies of playing with other men.
So far we have not found any chemistry with any of the couples we have met who are both bisexual.
He is frustrated about that while I am feeling lucky. I think maybe it will make him less of a man in my eyes.
I am not sure about what exactly it is that turns me off about the idea. I feel frustrated about the situation. I am angry at myself for being hypocritical, and him for wanting to experiment with another man.
Any idea about how I should talk to him concerning my feelings without making me seem like a bad person for living out my sexual fantasies while thinking his are wrong?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I can understand how you’re feeling and it’s a hard situation too being bi yourself because while you’re having fun and enjoying other females, you don’t enjoy the idea of his sexual fantasies about men. 
Now I will tell you this… if you set boundaries and limitations for your husband about who and what you he does then please expect the same in return. 
Your husband may not take too kindly to having his sexual fantasies that he’s entrusted to you turned to ashes and may feel a need to set  the same stipulations to you.  
That in turn could cause major tension in the lifestyle play department.
It could possibly even end up slamming your fun new sexual activities to a halt. 
Only you know your husband and how he’ll react to such a discussion so its hard for me to tell you how to talk him, but I’ll tell you that he may take this discussion as complete bisexual repression. 
I think its important to let him know you are okay with the fantasies but you aren’t comfortable taking part in watching them or partaking in them. 
This is a long shot but I will suggest maybe allowing your husband to play separately with a male to really see if he’s into it and then possibly letting him go solo whenever he wants to bi play after that so you don’t need to deal with it.
I am normally  against playing separate and wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was important. 
Let your husband know that it’s completely natural for him to want to experiment and allow him to do so in a manner that won’t make you uncomfortable of think poorly of him.  Remember that while he may think he likes men, when it comes down to it he may not. 
I have known couples who one or the other wants to experiment with the same sex only to find out…not their thing.  
Sexual repression isn’t something you want to start in your relationship.
If having a bisexual partner is upsetting you to the point of not coping then the subject needs to be addressed. 
If you don’t like the idea of playing separately when he’s in the mood for a man then maybe both of you should only play with the opposite sex. 
 I also don’t think you’re trying to repress you husband’s sexual fantasies I just think you’re uneasy about the idea, and darlin that’s okay.  Talk it out, let him know you love and support him but that you’re feeling discomfort about the idea.  In-turn your husband should love and support you without getting upset, and you should be able to discuss it in a manner that will accommodate both parties…and yes I know that sounds like a television marriage. 
My firm belief in the lifestyle is  that communication is key, and I stick to it.  I know I didn’t give you the answer of how to talk to your husband, but remember I don’t know him so to give you techniques that I would use with my own husband could backfire in a major way.
I hope I showed you a path in which to walk on. 
Thank you for you question, I wish you the best of luck in your lifestyle travels.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First off I would like to tell you that you are not alone in your feelings so you should not be angry with yourself.
Many people hold the exact same double standard that you are having issues with in their hearts and minds.
It is fine for women to be bisexual, but not for men to be bisexual is a pretty common way of thinking.
Their are a lot of reasons for those thoughts, and I won’t go into them because that would be about a 5000 word post in itself and honestly I doubt many people would care to read it.
However you slice it though it is certainly a hypocritical way of thinking.
It is also a closed minded way of thinking.
Don’t take that as an insult though, because everybody is hypocritical and closed minded on at least a few subjects.
You are a step up from the average just by acknowledging that in yourself when it comes to this situation.
So…
To the advice portion of my ramble.
How you talk to your husband is something I can’t give advice on for the same reasons Miranda mentioned. We don’t know him.
I will say though that it isn’t fare to be leading him on in these fantasies and going to meet up with couples with a both bi experience in mind.
It also isn’t fare to those couples.
If you are finding yourself feeling “lucky” when no chemistry is found with these couples then I would guess you are subconsciously making it end up that way.
You are wasting those couples time as well as your own.
You need to have a talk with your husband and tell him you are uneasy about it.
It’s good your still at the soft swap stage of experimenting since this issue isn’t resolved.
Before you take anything further you need to get it out their in the open and figure it out.
This isn’t the sort of thing you can just let go on while hoping you never find the right couple.
If you let it build up it will eventually explode.
- That’s about all the advice I can give on that one.
I will say this though about you thinking “maybe it will make him less of a man” in your eyes… You should think the opposite because he was able to tell you about his fantasies.
Just as society has programed a double standard in your mind about this subject, it has done the same to him times ten.
Males are bombarded with anti gay/bisexual talk their entire lives while often being told “lesbians are cool,” and other such nonsense.
Males are called gay, fags, homos, etc… whenever they fail to be strong and manly or brave (and often stupid) by their peers as they grow up.
It is one of the ultimate childhood insults even before they know what it actually means.
If a man is gay or bisexual it takes strength and courage just to admit it to themselves because of such social programing.
It takes even more courage to voice such desires to someone else.
Women are often encouraged into embracing their bisexual sides.
Men are not.
Imagine how many bisexual (to some extent) women you have met.
Imagine how many women who try it just for the experience.
Imagine how many women play at it just for show.
Now open your mind for a minute and realise that inside the mind just as many men are curious about same sex encounters as are women.
Try and think of how many men who are admittedly bi compared to women.
Fear is what stops them.
It’s pretty manly for your husband to confess in you.
Respect him for it and be thankful that he thinks highly enough of you to assume he could safely confide in you.

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Going down after cumming inside

by on Dec.01, 2010, under Sexuality

Question:

My husband and I have been swinging for close to three years and have for the most part always played using condoms, but sometimes we don’t for various reasons.
When we play bareback I always request that the man pull out for orgasm and we have never had an issue.
This time we had all been drinking a bit to much and not only did the guy cum inside, but I asked him to after he asked if he could.
My husband was extremely turned on by this and as soon as my friend got off of me my husband went down on me. I was slightly appalled and didn’t know what to think. My husband got into it so much he achieved a second erection (something he never is able to do) and had sex with me while telling me how hot it was to lick another mans cum from my pussy.
I think this is very strange and a bit gross. I have never heard of a man wanting to do that and it seems to smack of homosexuality also.
What I was wondering is if this is a common thing, or should I be worried?

Answer:
By Miranda-
In my personal opinion bodily fluid is bodily fluid. Your husband I presume goes down on woman so and NOT on men.
He probably hasn’t told you about any homosexual tendencies because he doesn’t have any. Your husband probably got turned on by another man cumming in you and believed it would be a secure thing for him to be able to enjoy your juices after. I don’t think you should worry about your husband being homosexual, honestly. Like you said, you all had a little too much to drink and your husband was indulging comfortably in a fantasy.
Licking another mans cum out of your pussy doesn’t shout, “hey I’m gay!” It to me personally shouts, “Hey I feel comfortable doing this and my wife is so hot for letting this guy cum in her!”
I wouldn’t mind if my husband did such a thing if that’s what he was into but it’s NOT something I’m going to ask him to do because as like you I find it a bit appalling. But in life, I always say to each their own, so if my husband felt like in the heat of the moment he wanted to do such a thing well, go for it!!!
If you’re not comfortable with him licking you after another man has cum in you please make sure you tactfully tell him so.
Don’t make him feel like what he did was wrong or nasty just tell him that in order for you to enjoy yourself, you would prefer for him not to do that. Tell him you didn’t become turned on by it and would prefer if he didn’t indulge in doing it. Maybe tell him you felt a little uneasy and uncomfortable.
Chances are you’re husband also had a little to much to drink and acted on a whim. He felt comfortable doing it but if you aren’t comfortable with it make sure to make it clear. Feeling sexy and comfortable are essential in the lifestyle and if one of you isn’t feeling both then its probably a good idea to talk about why.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Since you say your have never heard of a man being into licking the cum out of his wife’s pussy you obviously haven’t played around any people into the hotwife & or cuckold thing. For people who are really into those two sorts of play it is very common in both fantasy and reality for men to enjoy licking cum from their freshly fucked wives.
Are these men homosexuals? Nope. Certainly a few are bisexual , but the focus of the hotwife lifestyle is on the wife. The male often puts his wife on a pedestal as a sort of sexual goddess. It isn’t gay at all. In cuckoldry the male is often playing the victim and the wife is dominant and a keeps her husband as a submissive. The licking of her lovers cum from her pussy is an act of servitude. Both cuckoldry and hotwife fetishists do of course play their games and live their lifestyles in many different ways, so you can’t take what I just said as something that applies to all.
My point is… It is VERY common in hose particular lifestyles.
In swinging it is however also common for some men to have such fantasies. It is rarely played out though because swinging in general is a subculture that pushes for safe sex more than almost any grouping of people I know of.
Swingers are by far the most condom using group of people I have ever met.
Condoms are expected unless otherwise agreed on in swinging.
That is something I have never come across in any other lifestyle.
If only vanilla people practiced such safe measures.
Another reason that men don’t go down on their wives (or other women) after another man has cum in them is that homosexuality and bisexuality are not looked at kindly in the swinging lifestyle when it comes to men.
For a group of people that onsider themselves sexualy open it baffles me how many homophobics exist in the lifestyle.
Bisexual males often hide their bi side in swinging and straight men often don’t do certain things they may wish to do for fear someone my think it is a gay act.
If your husband was very turned on by another man cumming inside you (something else taboo to many swingers) and wanted to lick you because it got him off… more power to him.
It isn’t my thing. I don’t usually like to go there after cumming when it’s my own even, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t normal.
As for your own feelings… You got screwed, got a load of cum you obviously wanted, and then got eaten out afterwards. It all sounds like it should have been pretty pleasurable.
Not many women would have a complaint about having good sex leading to oral sex that turned into even more sex.
Since you are a bit put off though, my advice is that you tell him your thoughts. I know that I would want to know if I was doing something that turned my wife off.

Some fun facts:
The act of sucking semen out of the vagina or anus of one’s partner after sex is properly called Felching. You can see Wikipedia’s page on felching here.
The common term for what your husband did however in modern speak is Creampie Eating.
A creampie is when a male cums inside his partner’s anus or vagina.
The term also refers to the visible cum dripping from the anus or vagina.
Go here for Wikipedia’s page on Creampie. I would like to point out however at the time of this post (Dec 1st 2010) Wikipedia seriously needs to update the creampie page.

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