The Swingers Attic

Tag: activities

Swinging withdrawals via economic crunch

by on Jan.23, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:

I lost my job a few months ago and had to take a job that requires a 2 hour commute each way with a big pay cut. After such long hours I am very tired and grumpy so am not usually in the mood for sex and that has caused some stress at home. The pay cut has made things tight so we cancelled our AFF membership and can’t afford to go to our local club. My wife is starting to feel pent up and claims she is having swinging withdrawals. We have one close by couple who we can and have played with a few times, but that doesn’t seem to be doing it for her. She wants the excitement of new and she wants me to have the energy and money for it. How should I explain to her that for the time being I just can’t get the energy and I just can’t afford swinging?

Answer: 
By Miranda-
We all know how expensive our lifestyle can be but it doesn’t have to be. 
Now if you’re spending every weekend out dancing and dining then yes things can be a little tight but if you pick one weekend a month so you can treat yourselves then by all means do it.  The economy is down but that doesn’t mean that your swinging adventures have to be. 
If you know a couple well enough or feel comfortable then maybe inquire about sharing hotel rooms or staying at their house.  I hate to say it but if a couple finds you interesting enough they will go the extra mile to make you comfortable…in their beds. 
We have a couple that live two hours away and every time we play we pay only for gas because they lodge us and feed us.  Such a fantastic pair by the way!  Also look for hotel deals on the web or maybe find a on premise club that supplies lodging.  You receive dinner, dancing, flirting, sex, and a bed for usually under a hundred bucks. 
Pick a weekend every two months if you can’t do once a month or maybe look at the things you could do without, tivo or movie rentals?  If there’s a will there’s a way and by golly swingers will find it!
Your wife may just need a night out every so often and to be honest just because our economy has deserted us doesn’t mean we have to miss out on fulfilling our desires.  If you can’t find a way to get out every so often then what is the point to life?  Oh and as for being tired and grumpy that is nothing a little swinging can’t fix.

Answer: 
By Aarron-
Don’t feel alone in the money crunch department.
What I do for a living has been heavily affected by our failed economy also.
Money is tight for me and most of our friends.
We also have cut back on expenses and on expensive outings of the swinging kind this last year and we have both felt like we had swinging withdrawals at certain points.
As Miranda said though… you can find a way.
Downgrading the hotels you usually like to stay in.
Meeting people at off premise social dances instead of the posh clubs.
Visiting the various monthly meet n greets for the lifestyle people in your area. (They are usually free)
Calling up people you know in the lifestyle and organizing your own events that are low cost.
We have been invited out to bars, dinner, museums, camping trips, hiking, boating, mini golf, tennis, cookie exchanges, pot lucks,  sporting events… just to name a few things.
They are often vanilla outing type events, but made up of lifestyle people.
Super fun usually and a great way to meet new couples.

If none of those ideas are plausible for you and you find the swinging lifestyle just has to be put on hold rather than toned down you are going to have to explain it to your wife as a fact of life type thing.
If you seriously can’t afford it then that is just the way it is.
Swinging is fun, but if it starts getting prioritized above basic necessities and bills something is out of whack.
No matter how much we all may enjoy the lifestyle it is still more in the realm of hobby than the realm of necessity.

As for your being tired and grumpy – I agree with Miranda on that too.
It’s nothing a little swinging can’t fix.
You may have to cut back on the long hours many swinging events and dates involve, but some good sexy fun is in general a great cure for grumpy feelings and the energy is usually amazingly available when you get excited.

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How to handle non performers

by on Sep.30, 2010, under Playing with others, Sexuality

Question:

What should I do if the male can’t perform? On more than one occasion I have ended up hanging out with a non performer while my husband is having a blast. Tips on how to get these non performers going would be appreciated.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I have had two men in my swinging experiences not able to rise to the occasion and I can tell you both experiences I handled differently. 
The first happened with a couple who the man had already told me he had a rough time staying hard.  He was just fine at getting aroused but as soon as he slipped it in…bye bye Mr. Boner!  I totally acted like it wasn’t a big deal.  We swapped back partners and he was able to finish with his wife.  I wasn’t hurt or offended because I knew it might happen and in a situation like that its better to let the man do what is most comfortable for him. 
The other instance took place will my “boyfriend”  who had worked 8 hours and then drove for 8 hours to see me for the weekend. He was exhausted before he even reached my house. 
We started playing around, quickly began having sex and before I knew it he was soft…”really?” I thought. 
He apologized and told me how horribly tired he was and to be honest I didn’t understand.  You drove all this way to see me and this happens? 
Well I did what any other woman would have done, I sucked on and bit his nipples just how he likes it while he played with himself until he came.  Then I wrapped my mouth around his throbbing cock and swallowed his cum.  That will show him! 
Men sometimes aren’t able to perform this is true but don’t think it is hopeless.  You just need to work a little harder to find his comfort zone.  Where his brain says “okay me turn off  and turn your cock on buddy.”  Anxiety plays a large roll sometimes. 
In the first instance I spoke of, the male would slip in his cock, look over at his wife to only see her being penetrated and it was gone.  
He really wasn’t ready for full swap.  We all know that’s not always the case so just search for a zone and don’t get frustrated if you can’t find it.  You NEVER know what he is thinking. For all you know his house was foreclosed on that same day and wifey thought it would be “good for him” to play that night.  In  situations of impatience I have one word for you…Patience.  Men truly have it harder in the arousal department.  He may think you are just the sexiest thing he’s ever seen but his penis might not have gotten the memo that evening.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Being a male I would first like to say one thing to all the women out there in swinger land before I actually get to answering the question.
If a man is having performance issues with you during play do NOT think that it necessarily has anything to do with you being a desirable woman. In most cases a mans performance issues are not going to have anything at all to do with your level of desirability or sexiness.
Performance can be affected by stress, health, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, alcohol, new environments, sounds, smells, thoughts about non related issues, etc…
Once a man realises he is having an issue it often creates doubt and fear in his mind thus making the problem worse. Performance anxiety is a terrible thing.
Most men know the things that bother them and cause their  issues.
Using myself as an example I can say that loud (or even semi loud) music causes me issues.
I avoid situations like that because I don’t want to deal with it.
If we are at a couples house and about to play I always ask to turn down the tunes.
Only once did our hosts not do so and I ended up at half mast.
I ended up saying “The music is making me not be able to concentrate, turn it down and I can get it going.”
She did, and I did.
As men we all have different things that make us “rise to the occasion” and things that make us fall short of what we wish to be doing.
Another example with myself is that I don’t like a lot of pressure on my cock until I am at least semi erect. Playing with it roughly will keep it from rising. I like very soft touching at first.
If a woman is handling it to much I will try to get her doing something else.
If she just wont stop I end up telling her specifically that I like soft touching at first and then more once I am hard.
Bite my nipples and I lose it, but for another man that may be what gets him going.
The trick is to play around and look for responses that seem to be good.
If you are getting a soft response a majority of the time from men it is most likely that you are failing to find the right buttons to push and are possibly pushing the wrong ones.
Always remember that we men are going to be different each time.
If you have spent some time seeking out the right buttons to push and still no luck can be had it is time to ask.
Say something like “What can I do to really turn you on?” or maybe ask is “How do you like it?”
One woman I have played with on multiple occasions asked me a short series of questions before the first time we ever played.

  1. Do you like it sucked hard or softly?
  2. Bites or nibbles?
  3. Nails or soft touches?
  4. Are you in control or am I? 

Then when we started playing she asked how she was doing when it came to those things.
After that one time she never asked again.
If nothing at all seems to work just remember to practice patience, be nice, and try and create a relaxing atmosphere.
It is much worse for the guy than it is for you when his equipment fails to work.
Be understanding.
Heck… being understanding may even be what will make him rise to the occasion.

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