The Swingers Attic

Tag: aggressive

Aggressive men and going too far

by on Oct.24, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:

My husband and I met two males, who live with girlfriends about 3
years ago through a website. Over the course of 1 year, one of the
males went his own way, but I continued to see one of them. I found
this man occasionally aggressive and would have to “hold him at
bay”, but he would back off when asked. My husband was more turned
on if I played alone with this man. The second last time, he was
entering me aggressively, which caused bleeding and cramping.
Fortunately, my husband attended and was able to drive me home. The
last time I met this man alone in his hotel room. He did not provide
foreplay and simply stated, I want to “F” your brains out. He
moved me quickly to the bed and started entering me immediately. I
started to talk to him to get him to stop. He also was smacking my
fanny intermittently, which “jolted me “. I was not enjoying
myself and started to have sharp abdominal cramping. I jumped from the
bed the use the washroom. I felt extremely dizzy in the washroom so I
went to the main area and sat against a wall. This man offered me
water, but started saying “Wow, I don’t want the paramedics to
come here.” He gave me my clothes and I left. Two days later he
emailed about me coming over to see him, in which I vented about why I
was upset about the whole thing and did not want to see him again. Do
you think I overreacted?

Answer:
By Miranda-
OMG girl!!!!!  The situation you described not only made me feel extremely sad for you, but also sick to my stomach and slightly dizzy myself.  First and foremost I don’t care if your husband gets turned on by this male sexing you up, if he’s causing you pain and you aren’t enjoying yourself that’s enough for you to let your husband know, “Hey I’m not into him!!!!”
If your comfort zone has been crossed and you’re experiencing vaginal bleeding, cramping and dizzy spells I think you know the answer to your question, NOOOOOOO you didn’t overreact.
Your husband should have put the stop to this play mate a LONG time ago and shame on him for not telling the guy off.  You should be a trophy for your husband and not a rag doll for men HE enjoys watching “FUCK” you.
In the lifestyle my husband and I only play together due to our mutual belief that just because my husband respects other women doesn’t necessarily mean other men do.
To go to the extreme what if this man decided to get even more rough and NOT stop when you jumped up and proceeded to rape you?  What if he went too far?  I hate to scare you, but personally you and your husband need to be on the same page and show caution with playmates.
That playmate not only disrespects you, but ALL women when he plays too rough and causes you to question yourself.  ”Did you overreact?” NO you under reacted in my opinion, and personally if your husband isn’t wiling to back you up then you need to tell this guy to take a long walk off a short pier.
Now on the subject of your husband and please remember I don’t know your marital situation or relationship at all, but if my husband didn’t have MY back when it came to swinging and I was not comfortable with a male and he wanted me to continue seeing him, I’d tell him swinging wasn’t an option for us anymore.
A big part of the lifestyle for a couple is communication, understanding and working things out as a team.
If your husband isn’t willing to do that, then honey I’m sorry he’s in it for himself and himself alone.
I wish you SO much comfort right now and hope you can allow yourself the strength to set things right with this disrespectful low life playmate (tell him to forget your number girly) and communicate your needs to your husband. You need him to respect you and be behind you ALL the way in your sexual decisions.
Thank you also for confiding in us, I really hope I gave you a little more of what my sister likes to call, WOMEN POWER!!!!!!

Answer:
By Aarron-
I myself am not into aggressive sex, so I am coming at this from the perspective of someone on the outside.
I can only assume that you are into aggressive sex because of how long you have played with this individual, but into it or not… If you are bleeding vaginally, cramping, and having dizziness, then you know things are going a bit far for safety’s sake.
Also you state that during this last encounter you were not enjoying yourself and were asking him to stop. Did he stop immediately? If he did then I would say it was a case of being to rough and nothing else, but if he continued for even a moment after you asked him to chill then the guy in question is not a safe playmate in any manner.
As for the case of how your husband deals with all this… I’m going with the assumption still that aggressive sex is your thing.
Even if aggressive sex is your thing it is not safe for your husband to have you playing alone with single men who are into aggressive sex to the point you describe. It is dangerous and your husband should be there to make sure such play doesn’t go too far.
He should also be very aware of what your limits are in such types of play and be respectful of those limits.
The same goes for your choice in play partners. There are millions of potential playmates out there for you to potentially play with so no need to have sex with somebody you are not wishing to or even unsure of for that matter.
My advice to you is to cut off play with the guy in question and then have a huge discussion with your husband about your personal limits, respecting those boundaries, and his role in your swinging adventures.

 

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She just wants sensual girl on girl play

by on Sep.11, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

A while ago I went to my husband about my interest on having sex with
another women , of course my husband was right into that idea . We
joined a swingers site and met our first couple , on the first meeting
things got pretty wild , and the girl and I started playing around .
As us girls were going at it , I noticed our husbands had taken their
cloths off to lie beside their girls on the bed ,everything was going
good , but things got a bit crazy , The girl was very wild , very
rough , I always thought being with another women would be sexy ,
sensual , soft . The next day I felt very dirty , very embarrassed with
my husband , is this normal ?? right away I said I would never do it
again I was done in the lifestyle cause the experience was not what I
thought it would be . But a few days later I still have those feelings
of wanting to be with a very sexy , soft touch of a women am I crazy
to try it again ?? my husband and I are very open with each other ,
very much in love and he knows I don’t think I will ever want a soft
or full swap , just girl on girl play and same room sex with our own
partners and he is happy with that , I am afraid that when we are
comfortable with that he will want more and I don’t think I can ever
go there . for me this is about me wanting to be with a women and
wanting my husband to watch me with another women as I know he thinks
that is sexy . am I being selfish ???

Answer:
By Miranda-
First off NO you aren’t being selfish, you were pushed over your sex comfort boundary, and you don’t wish to try again.  I can’t say that I blame you.  I think it’s great you and your husband have such an open line of communication and I applaud your for that.  I think it’s okay to want one thing and not another, I mean, just because your husband likes chocolate ice cream doesn’t mean you do and vise versa.  I think it’s important to play within your comfort levels and if someday those comfort levels change and you wish to explore other options great and if not, that’s okay as well.
As for feeling dirty and yucky about yourself, I’m sorry you had to feel that way, but that doesn’t necassary mean ALL playdates will be that way.  You picked a pair of jeans too big for you and need to down size, the couple you met wasn’t the right fit.  If you think you’re being selfish for wanting what you want, think again!  All people have likes and dislikes, things they’re willing or NOT willing to do. If your husband wishes to include another male into your play circle maybe do it for him for special occasions, or as a reward.  Also if your husband is happy with just girl on girl and same room sex then maybe he is with no strings attached and who knows after time you may be wanting something different.  People change their sexual desire sometimes, so who knows in a year or so you may be in a different playing field.
I think it’s important to make it clear on your profiles that you desire a “sensual, gentle, soft” women to play with.  They are TOTALLY out there, and a blast to play with.  Just like in real life, it’s okay to set requirements even more so in the lifestyle actually because these “playmates, ” are fantasy, you can be choosier.  Take your time and have fun, what is fitting to one girl isn’t for another.  For all you know the girl you played with was thinking, “Wow I thought she’s be more aggressive?”  Lines of communications were crossed and you became ashamed of your self and your husband.
I always recommend couples setting boundaries in advance for example, “Hey guys my wife isn’t into rough, she enjoys things gentle.”  Communication isn’t just key in a marriage but also in learning about your playmates likes and dislikes.  Sounds like a little more communication needed to be established before entering into the bedroom with this couple.  It’s not anyone’s fault, just trial and error.  You’ll know better next time, so maybe you won’t venture there again.  I wish you two luck in finding the right girlie friend for you and hope you give the lifestyle another try…on YOUR terms.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First I would like tho talk about expectations and sexual partners.
Your expectations are just fine, and there are a lot of women out there who want nothing more than the soft touch, and gentle hands of another woman.
The whole appeal of another woman to some girls is the erotic , sensual, and different sort of sex they can get from a woman, instead of a man.
If that is what you are looking for then go and seek it it out. If your using websites to meet these people you need to spell it out clearly.
“Seeking the soft, and gentle touch of a woman. Not interested in aggressive sex.”
That little line ought to do it for you.
I know women so aggressive that they scare the crud out of both men and women all the time if the people are not ready for it.
One of my favorite playmates is a woman who is so aggressive in bed I make jokes about introducing people to her that haven’t been in the lifestyle long. She literally scares people off.
Another of my favorite partners I call a gentle breeze on the water.
She is soft, sensuous, and erotic. She is who I would seek if I wanted to feel calm and relaxed afterwards for days.
I like the variety that swinging brings me. So does my wife, but I don’t like all types of sexual styles. I have learned to seek out those who fit me and avoid those who won’t.
If you really want that soft touch you must make it clear from the beginning.
Now… on to the next part of your question.
Will your husband eventually want more, and is it fair you won’t go there.
Probably, and yes.
I have seen many people start in just the manner you are.
Girl+Girl with husbands watching or only participating with their own spouses.
Usually it ends up with the guy wanting to play with the other woman, or wanting his wife/girlfriend to play with another man.
Either way it happens you will end up in the same place most likely.
Just on averages I would guess that eventually it will happen or be asked about. Don’t be surprised when if it does.
Can you just straight up say no? Of course you can. Each step in the swinging lifestyle must be taken with great care to ensure that no disaster ensues. Each step is negotiated as separate things. Almost ALL swingers have set boundaries. The boundaries change as time goes on, but only with communication and understanding.

 

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