The Swingers Attic

Tag: bareback

Boundary breakers and what to do about them

by on Apr.15, 2011, under Newbie Help, Playing with others, Unsorted

Question:

My husband and I have recently started swinging and it has really spiced our love life back up to full throttle. It’s like when we first started dating.
We have only had a few weird things happen and they have actually been funny.
There is one thing I don’t know how to deal with though.
It seems like every other guy I get with tries to enter me without a condom. Usually they just poke and prod like they are not actually trying anything, but a couple of them have been very blatant about it and pushed for it even after I said no. The reason I am writing you is because last weekend a guy took it upon himself to just stick it in without warning and without a condom. We had been playing around a bit rough during foreplay and he was dominating me so it took a minute to get it through to him that he had to pullout and glove up. We tell people we always use condoms before we ever get to the stripping down and playing so it isn’t like these guys don’t know our boundaries. I need some advice on how to get it through to these guys before hand that I don’t play without a rubber. I also would like to know your opinions on why these guys try when they have been told condoms are required. Thanks.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay so the men you’re finding to have sex with are assholes and personally if ANY man tried to enter my palace of worship (my pussy) without an offering (a condom)…I would stop play and walk out the door. 
The problem with this type of man, he is used to shoving his cock in unprotected and having the girl just accept it so my womanly advice for you is…GAME OVER!  If a man pushes his cock into you unprotected stop all play.  It sounds like you and your husband might play separate and if that’s the case you can expect a  man to pull such disrespect.  Sadly some men think, “Hey she’s alone and I can push the envelope of her boundaries,”…wrong!  Stand up for yourself and before play let your playmate know, “I have had men try to enter me unprotected, I find it completely disrespectful and if you do try it I will stop play, no second chances.”
One of the beauties of being a woman is in the bedroom you can generally be as open and honest as you want because lets face it ladies, the men want it and if they don’t abide by the rules won’t get it. 
Please establish a little persona in the bedroom before hand.  Communicate in a firm and commanding way your rules or regulations and empower your inner sexual goddess. 
NO man shall take without permission and no man shall enter unprotected.  The best part about men is you can treat them like children and they rarely ever catch on, “Put a condom on or no sex for you.”  It’s like telling them if they act up in a store then no lollipop reward. 
Now if you and your husband do play in the same room and your playmate crosses the no condom line just get your husbands attention so he can inform the other male if its attempted again play is over so wrap it up or step it down. 
I hope my answer doesn’t come across a little pushy or bitchy but if in life we allow our sexual partners to cross boundaries and take from us our sexual control then what enjoyment do WE get from it?  We are then just animals and all the fighting woman have done over the centuries to unchackle us and empower was done is vain.  I’m not saying this is your case…sorry for that little rant! 
In conclusion, rock your woman power and always give the no sex threat before hand, generally a man will stay within the rules if a negative consequence will follow, and yes some men will call your bluff and in that case close up shop!!!  Always follow through! Good luck to you and rock it girlie rock it!  Thanks for the awesome question.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Your picking some bad partners is my first thought.
There will always be that one guy who tries to do what he shouldn’t, but if the situation you are describing has happened multiple times and you have only just recently started swinging it has to be in part some sort of signal you are giving off.
That doesn’t make it alright. Men should always ask, but if it’s a regular thing then you are in some way making the guys think it may be OK to go bareback.
The reason I say that is because in the swinging world the rule is pretty much that condoms are required unless it is stated otherwise. Swingers assume a condom will be used unless it is agreed otherwise.
Don’t think that makes it all you though… if you didn’t actually say it verbally it doesn’t really matter what kind of signals you may be accidentally putting out there. The men should ask.
You don’t mention swinging separate from your husband, but I am assuming you are not playing in the same room because I just can’t imagine what you described as a multiple time situation happening when your husband is present.
Besides getting pissed and stopping play I would also suggest you mention what these men tried to their wives.
Swinging is based on trust and respect for all parties involved and I doubt all these guys you have had this happen with have the go ahead to bareback from their wives.
I say that because most don’t. In general condoms are the rule.
If these men disrespect you tell their wives. You will be doing the wives a favor.
Besides that my advice to you is to be very clear before hand that condoms are expected for play.
Say it out loud and if in doubt say it twice.
Problem solved and you wont be hurting any-one’s feelings or killing the mood.

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Going down after cumming inside

by on Dec.01, 2010, under Sexuality

Question:

My husband and I have been swinging for close to three years and have for the most part always played using condoms, but sometimes we don’t for various reasons.
When we play bareback I always request that the man pull out for orgasm and we have never had an issue.
This time we had all been drinking a bit to much and not only did the guy cum inside, but I asked him to after he asked if he could.
My husband was extremely turned on by this and as soon as my friend got off of me my husband went down on me. I was slightly appalled and didn’t know what to think. My husband got into it so much he achieved a second erection (something he never is able to do) and had sex with me while telling me how hot it was to lick another mans cum from my pussy.
I think this is very strange and a bit gross. I have never heard of a man wanting to do that and it seems to smack of homosexuality also.
What I was wondering is if this is a common thing, or should I be worried?

Answer:
By Miranda-
In my personal opinion bodily fluid is bodily fluid. Your husband I presume goes down on woman so and NOT on men.
He probably hasn’t told you about any homosexual tendencies because he doesn’t have any. Your husband probably got turned on by another man cumming in you and believed it would be a secure thing for him to be able to enjoy your juices after. I don’t think you should worry about your husband being homosexual, honestly. Like you said, you all had a little too much to drink and your husband was indulging comfortably in a fantasy.
Licking another mans cum out of your pussy doesn’t shout, “hey I’m gay!” It to me personally shouts, “Hey I feel comfortable doing this and my wife is so hot for letting this guy cum in her!”
I wouldn’t mind if my husband did such a thing if that’s what he was into but it’s NOT something I’m going to ask him to do because as like you I find it a bit appalling. But in life, I always say to each their own, so if my husband felt like in the heat of the moment he wanted to do such a thing well, go for it!!!
If you’re not comfortable with him licking you after another man has cum in you please make sure you tactfully tell him so.
Don’t make him feel like what he did was wrong or nasty just tell him that in order for you to enjoy yourself, you would prefer for him not to do that. Tell him you didn’t become turned on by it and would prefer if he didn’t indulge in doing it. Maybe tell him you felt a little uneasy and uncomfortable.
Chances are you’re husband also had a little to much to drink and acted on a whim. He felt comfortable doing it but if you aren’t comfortable with it make sure to make it clear. Feeling sexy and comfortable are essential in the lifestyle and if one of you isn’t feeling both then its probably a good idea to talk about why.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Since you say your have never heard of a man being into licking the cum out of his wife’s pussy you obviously haven’t played around any people into the hotwife & or cuckold thing. For people who are really into those two sorts of play it is very common in both fantasy and reality for men to enjoy licking cum from their freshly fucked wives.
Are these men homosexuals? Nope. Certainly a few are bisexual , but the focus of the hotwife lifestyle is on the wife. The male often puts his wife on a pedestal as a sort of sexual goddess. It isn’t gay at all. In cuckoldry the male is often playing the victim and the wife is dominant and a keeps her husband as a submissive. The licking of her lovers cum from her pussy is an act of servitude. Both cuckoldry and hotwife fetishists do of course play their games and live their lifestyles in many different ways, so you can’t take what I just said as something that applies to all.
My point is… It is VERY common in hose particular lifestyles.
In swinging it is however also common for some men to have such fantasies. It is rarely played out though because swinging in general is a subculture that pushes for safe sex more than almost any grouping of people I know of.
Swingers are by far the most condom using group of people I have ever met.
Condoms are expected unless otherwise agreed on in swinging.
That is something I have never come across in any other lifestyle.
If only vanilla people practiced such safe measures.
Another reason that men don’t go down on their wives (or other women) after another man has cum in them is that homosexuality and bisexuality are not looked at kindly in the swinging lifestyle when it comes to men.
For a group of people that onsider themselves sexualy open it baffles me how many homophobics exist in the lifestyle.
Bisexual males often hide their bi side in swinging and straight men often don’t do certain things they may wish to do for fear someone my think it is a gay act.
If your husband was very turned on by another man cumming inside you (something else taboo to many swingers) and wanted to lick you because it got him off… more power to him.
It isn’t my thing. I don’t usually like to go there after cumming when it’s my own even, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t normal.
As for your own feelings… You got screwed, got a load of cum you obviously wanted, and then got eaten out afterwards. It all sounds like it should have been pretty pleasurable.
Not many women would have a complaint about having good sex leading to oral sex that turned into even more sex.
Since you are a bit put off though, my advice is that you tell him your thoughts. I know that I would want to know if I was doing something that turned my wife off.

Some fun facts:
The act of sucking semen out of the vagina or anus of one’s partner after sex is properly called Felching. You can see Wikipedia’s page on felching here.
The common term for what your husband did however in modern speak is Creampie Eating.
A creampie is when a male cums inside his partner’s anus or vagina.
The term also refers to the visible cum dripping from the anus or vagina.
Go here for Wikipedia’s page on Creampie. I would like to point out however at the time of this post (Dec 1st 2010) Wikipedia seriously needs to update the creampie page.

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