The Swingers Attic

Tag: bi

Swinger couples, open relationships, and lesbians

by on Nov.09, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:

Hi, a couple weeks ago National coming out day happened to fall on our casual dress day at work so I took advantage of it and wore an I’m out and proud shirt to work. That was my way of letting people know I was a lesbian. A couple people asked about it and that was that.
Within the week though two coworkers privately told me that they are bisexual. One of them is married and also a swingers and have an open relationship. I have always thought she was fun and attractive so I have an interest, but I am not sure how to proceed because she is married. I’ve met her husband before, and he is a nice guy, but I’m not interested in men at all. Do swingers separately date much? Would I be asking for trouble by pursuing a possible relationship with this girl? I understand that swingers are not monogamous so am fine with that. I am just worried that I could become attached and then be pressured by her husband or that I could embarrass myself by going for something that is against swingers rules.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First and foremost a gigantic BRAVO girly for coming out on the national coming out day.  That takes a lot of courage and I’m SO proud of you even though we’ve never met.
As for your coworker lady wanting to possibly hook up I Suggest getting together with her and her husband and talking about the situation.  Is this a girl you want to pursue a serious relationship with or someone who you’d like as a play partner.  You’re not a swinger so you may not be able to stay unattached, so think all angles through before you proceed.
There are plenty of couples in the lifestyle that play separately or have other partners that they’re in relationships with.  The one thing I adore about the lifestyle is that not one relationship is the same in its play scenarios, likes and dislikes, or rules and regulations.  The trick is to have open communication from day one.  What are they into?  What are you looking for?  Will you be alone in a bedroom with this female playing  or are you comfortable having the husband watch?  Is she looking long term or short?
Please make it clear you’re NOT interested in playing with the husband because lines can sometimes get crossed.  Make ALL of your intentions clear, make it clear you need them to clarify as well and then weigh the pros and cons and go from there.
I personally wouldn’t play or start a sexual relationship with a co worker but I work in ALL female environment so it’s like having too many hens in the hen house.  I always look out of my workplace for female companionship.  I wish you luck in your pursuit and hope all works out for the best.  Thank you for opening up your life to us and congratulations on your recent decision to not let a difference in sexuality dictate how you live your life…. simply beautiful!!!!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Swingers all have one thing in common. They in some manner open their sex lives to include others. Besides that they are as different as any other group.
Many swingers have a rule of “We only play together or not at all.”
Others are more open and do whatever they wish without even consulting each other. Most fall in the middle of those two extremes.
So because the girl you are interested in has said she is a swinger and in an open relationship could mean a ton of different things the only advice I can give is to have a sit down with first her, and then both of them to find out exactly what an open relationship is in their minds, and what type of swinging they do. When I say have a sit down I am not talking a 21 questions grill them on facts session, I am talking about just getting together and asking some questions as part of a friendly chat. Though swingers are usually pretty secretive, once they have told you of their status they are usually very willing to share all the details of their relationship and play styles.
As my wife mentioned dating within the workplace… so shall I.
That is a topic completely separate from your question, but please keep it in mind that even tough you are now out as a lesbian your coworker is not out as a swinger and the repercussions of being outed as a swinger are sometimes great.
It is politically and socially taboo to bash, be cruel, practice discrimination, etc… against gays, bisexuals, and transgendered people. Those who would wish to do so must bite their tongues, and if they are willing to face some heat or even legal actions they will still tone it down a bit.
Swingers have no such protection. Swingers are in general frowned on by the media and offered no sympathy in our current political climate. Please keep that in mind as you consider pursuing any sort of relationship with your coworker beyond that of just friendly.

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Two for one – Single bi males and couples

by on Sep.24, 2011, under Newbie Help

We received two questions this month that are in general the same thing, so we decided to answer them as one.

Question:
I am a 59yr old male. I stay in pretty good shape(3pack-lol). I am
looking to swing with a bi-couple. What is the best way to find a
couple to enjoy some good times with.

Question:
I’m a recently divorced guy in my 40′s and wanting to get into the
lifestyle. Mostly I am interested in no strings sex and joining in
as a third with established couples. I am bi curiuos, but have had
no experience with other men. I’d like some advice on how to meet
couples who are looking for bi men.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First thing you want to do is find a web site that best suits your sexual needs. Our favorite lifestyle site is Lifestyle Lounge.
Evryone has different tastes in sites though, so I can’t say if it would be the best for either of you. We actually use multiple sites ourselves.
Once you pick a site you’ll create a profile and pay a monthly fee to join.  You’ll then fill in your profile with your sexual orientation and example of a few sexual likes (example: enjoys deep kisses).  With  being a bi curious male or bi sexual male you DEFINITELY want to include that into your profile.
Not including this could put you in a sticky situation.  Honesty is always the best policy in my book, so make sure if you’ve never played with a man before to include that in your profile until you actually play so you can decide from experience.
It’s definitely a little more tricky to find the male and female who are interested in a bi sexual male but it’s NOT impossible, please be patient and don’t get discouraged if you haven’t gotten an overwhelming response with your first personals advertisement.
You may want to look into going to a couple “meet and greets,” those are social lifestyle get togethers for just that… meeting and greeting.  They’re usually put together at a bar where couples can go to feel comfortable and get to know others from the lifestyle.
Generally the sites I told you about will have information on these events.  Remember to include a picture or pictures of yourself so that the couples can take a peek.  These pictures DON’T have to be naughty just something that lets them see your face and body shape.  If you aren’t comfortable with having a picture up you can always opt out of that and just e-mail it to couples who are interested but generally you’ll receive an even smaller amount of takers because to many couples that’s just another step in the process.  I hope this advice has helped you both and wish you the best of luck on your introduction to the lifestyle. Thank you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
As bisexual or bi curious males you are in a catch 22 position when it comes to the swinging lifestyle.
Of all sexual communities I have come into contact with I can say that the world of swinging is the most homophobic of any when it comes to men. On the flip-side it seems that many swingers expect and idolize bisexuality in women.
The weird way in which the masses of the swinging communities act in regards to bisexuality in males causes a problem for bi men, and at the same time gives an advantage.
You problem is that because of fears involving not getting play partners, being treated rudely, and generally ostracized, most bisexual males who are married do not mention their bisexual sides in their online profiles and do not openly show their bisexual desires at parties and other swing lifestyle gatherings.
This makes it very hard for you as a bisexual single to find couples through said gatherings that would be interested or to browse profiles and know who is actually bi on the swingers personals sites.
The advantage you have as a single bi male if you do create a good profile and have something to offer is that you will be contacted by these couples.
They too face the problem of what looks like slim pickings on the swing sites. Listing yourself as bisexual and wanting to play with both men and women will get interest from those couples who seeks such pleasures, but don’t list it in their profile.
As for the best site to find such couples and gatherings of people I can’t really say.
The site mentioned by Miranda… Lifestyle Lounge has the most sex positive and bi-male friendly atmosphere of the multiple sites we use, but it is also a the smallest as far as members, and filled with a more discriminating and unforgiving crowd than other sites.
If you live in a larger metro area, have social skills, are looking for the party scene, and are able to dress semi fashionably then Lifestyle Lounge is probably your best bet.
If you are not in such an area or just want to meet couples one on one then I would suggest going with AdultFriendFinder. The reason for that is that they are just plain and simple the biggest site out there when it comes to meeting couples for sex. If you go with AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF my biggest advice for your particular situation is to get a gold membership rather than silver (even though unless your very active it makes no difference in site use) because some people will consider a gold member more serious. My next advice is to really do your profile up nice.
I suggest you read my post on The proper order of the pictures for your profile.
Lastly for some AFF advice with your particular needs in mind I would suggest paying for the option of allowing non paying members to contact you if you don’t get a lot of email the first week or so.
The reason I suggest this is because AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF has a lot of non paying members who just browse profiles, but never sign up as full silver or gold members.
I once thought allowing non paid members to contact us would be an invitation to have all kinds of time wasters contact us, but I used some credits to allow it one month and actually met some great people I otherwise wouldn’t have.
Hope I have been of help. Good luck.

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