The Swingers Attic

Tag: compromise

When he watches me I can’t cum

by on Nov.14, 2011, under Sexuality, Unsorted

Question:

About a year ago I fulfilled one of my husbands fantasies by meeting up with a traveling man in a hotel room for sex and then coming home with his cum in me. That first time was nerve wracking because I didn’t know what to expect from my husband afterwards, but it turned him on so much it was like when we first met. He wanted sex with me every minute for weeks and couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I loved his response so much I decided to do it again and because I wasn’t worried had the hugest orgasms ever. We have been doing this ever since and both love it.
About two months ago my husband asked to watch me and I did it. My husband loved it and I had sex with both of them three times each. It was fun and my husband was even more turned on and now that is what he wants. To fuck me with a freshly filled pussy. The problem is that i can’t cum when i am being watched. I like how passionate it makes him towards me, but I have become addicted to the multiple orgasms I get from having a new guy and knowing how my husband is going to ravish me afterwards. When he watches I get just to the point of climax and can’t get over it. I told him I like the hotel meetings and privacy and he says it isn’t as good so he doesn’t want me doing it anymore. If you have suggestions on how to get a compromise on this I’d be a happy woman. No lectures on STD facts and meeting strange men please. My husband does background checks on the men before I meet them and makes sure they are who they say and I am in the medical profession and know that I am taking health risks, but also know that I am more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the hotel than catch an STD that can’t be taken care of with simple antibiotics. I asked a similar question to this on another site with forums and just got told that I shouldn’t meet with strange men and to use condoms by a bunch of people who get their health information from scare pamphlets.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Well you won’t get any STD facts from us today my dear!!!!  I think it’s wonderful you do this for your husband and I also think it’s great you and your husband were able to light an old flame in the bed room by fulfilling your husband’s fantasies.  It sounds like you enjoy sleeping with other men and you enjoy your husband’s reactions.
Now onto ways you can find a compromise!!!  I think you should ask your husband if you can maybe film the encounter.  That way you come home with a tape for him to cherish for as long as he likes and you also get to orgasm multiple times.
I personally don’t think it’s fair for your husband to all of a sudden change the game plan by saying it’s not good to meet them alone anymore since you’ve been doing it for a year.  I do think it’s dangerous for you to meet men in hotels you don’t know but…it’s absolutely none of my business and to each their own.
I can’t say I never did anything like that before.  The men of course would have to agree to the taping of course, but if you aren’t enjoying your husband’s presence and he loves to watch you with these men well… that’s my suggestion.  That way you get to cum and he gets a souvenir, it’s a win win situation.  I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma and hope you and your husband can figure it out.  It doesn’t sound like a horrible hitch in your giddy up just a small puddle, you two I can tell will make it work for both of you. Good luck and have fun enriching the communication in your marriage, also thank you for sharing your life with Aarron and I.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I like Miranda’s filming idea, but I am not sure that would give your husband what he is looking for, and it also may remove the spontaneity from your own experiences and maybe make you just as self conscious as when your husband is watching in person. I am taking it for granted that it is a bit of self consciousness that is stopping your orgasms while being watched, or it may be that you behave differently with the other men when alone, and become inhibited while your hubby is in the room.
I will say that if he liked you coming home after, and also liked being there during… the filming would be something else he would probably enjoy. It is doubtful it would replace his wanting to watch though in my mind.
The compromise you are looking for is basically that you are just as entitled to get what you want in your sexual adventures as your husband is. It is one of those situations where my advise is just to state what you want and need.
Make it an every other time type thing maybe. He gets off on the watching, being involved, and sexing you up immediately, but you need some private one on one to get your rocks off. Say so.
It is great that you started with this activity to fulfill your husbands desires and it turned out to be something you really enjoy. I would guess that because of how you started the adventure and the description of your husbands reactions that he would be more than happy to do an every other time type play agreement.

 

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Reciprocity in taking one for the team?

by on Aug.11, 2011, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Playing with others

Question:

I have been taking one for my team with a guy who I would skip over in
a heartbeat if his wife wasn’t my husbands #1 favorite of all time
play partner. The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my
type. My question to you is if you think my husband owes me the same
courtesy? He will not even consider a couple if the woman isn’t exactly
to his liking no matter what my opinion of them are. I’m feeling like
I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay, so in my opinion without beating around the bush, and hopefully without losing too many followers, yes he owes you a play-date with someone you are as equally into.
In the swinging community we all know that sometimes the left shoe doesn’t look the same as the right and I don’t want to call it, “taking one for the team” because I know I wouldn’t want someone referring to me as that, but I’ll call it going along for the ride.  *Lol* it sounds nicer!
I think it’s really important to let your husband know that at any time you have the right to refuse service and he should appreciate you being a full service bar.  Let him know that while you do enjoy him enjoying himself, you also deserve the chance at such bliss in the lifestyle, and maybe feel like you should take a break from this couple until you can both find a couple you both dig equally.
I want to tell my readers I have found one man (that I have had sex with) to be completely non sex compatible (that’s also me being nice) with me in the lifestyle and we never saw them again because of that.  Aarron was REALLY into her and he knew I was going along for the ride and to be honest I was glad to do so.  He was like a school boy with this women and I found it adorable,  BUT he didn’t let me do it again and again for his own enjoyment!!!!!  It was a one shot encounter.
Tell your husband no more playdates with this couple until you get a Hercules just like he had his Zena, darn it! Make sure he knows you do it for him…EVERYTIME… with this couple.  Let him know you deserve goodness too and refuse to settle every time.  Be strong, and girl it’s okay in a situation like this to put your foot down, after all it’s your body and your experience.  You call the shots!  Good luck and I hope you find your Hercules.

Answer:
By Aarron-
This is a touchy subject because many people in the lifestyle don’t like to admit they sometimes “take one for the team,” or maybe are the one that someone is thinking of in that context.
The reality is that it happens to a small extent pretty often with any couple that plays regularly.
It is rare to find the perfect match. One spouse is often more desirable than the other, and that is just the way it is. Looks, personality, bedroom skills, etc… all make a person attractive and desirable in swinging. Finding a couple where both are A+ top shelf perfect is about as likely as a pig with wings. If you do find them it is not likely they will think the same of you. Tastes do differ.
When you do find that perfect play partner it is very doubtful their spouse will be your husbands perfect partner.
Conclusion = Your definitely getting the short end of the stick.
Your husband needs to learn and play fair. Equality in the enjoyment department, or as close as you can find is important.
I’m glad you said “The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my type” when describing your situation.
If you had said he was horrible I would have had to rant.
It isn’t good for you or the other people involved when such things are going on.
Nobody wants to find out that someone they have been having sex with repeatedly wasn’t enjoying it. I’m guessing you have been, but you know you could be having more fun in another situation. That is actually OK in my book. Not all sex partners are going to measure up equal. They don’t need to measure up perfectly. They are PLAY partners only. Good friends if your lucky. They are not life mates.
If you really don’t like it at all though… Stop! If the sex is horrible… Stop! If the evenings are not fun at all…Stop!
My advice on getting your husband to play fair with you in couples selection is to do as my wife said and put your foot down.
If he doesn’t wish to play fair then he doesn’t get to play.
That is how I would handle it.

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