The Swingers Attic

Tag: couples

Two for one – Single bi males and couples

by on Sep.24, 2011, under Newbie Help

We received two questions this month that are in general the same thing, so we decided to answer them as one.

Question:
I am a 59yr old male. I stay in pretty good shape(3pack-lol). I am
looking to swing with a bi-couple. What is the best way to find a
couple to enjoy some good times with.

Question:
I’m a recently divorced guy in my 40′s and wanting to get into the
lifestyle. Mostly I am interested in no strings sex and joining in
as a third with established couples. I am bi curiuos, but have had
no experience with other men. I’d like some advice on how to meet
couples who are looking for bi men.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First thing you want to do is find a web site that best suits your sexual needs. Our favorite lifestyle site is Lifestyle Lounge.
Evryone has different tastes in sites though, so I can’t say if it would be the best for either of you. We actually use multiple sites ourselves.
Once you pick a site you’ll create a profile and pay a monthly fee to join.  You’ll then fill in your profile with your sexual orientation and example of a few sexual likes (example: enjoys deep kisses).  With  being a bi curious male or bi sexual male you DEFINITELY want to include that into your profile.
Not including this could put you in a sticky situation.  Honesty is always the best policy in my book, so make sure if you’ve never played with a man before to include that in your profile until you actually play so you can decide from experience.
It’s definitely a little more tricky to find the male and female who are interested in a bi sexual male but it’s NOT impossible, please be patient and don’t get discouraged if you haven’t gotten an overwhelming response with your first personals advertisement.
You may want to look into going to a couple “meet and greets,” those are social lifestyle get togethers for just that… meeting and greeting.  They’re usually put together at a bar where couples can go to feel comfortable and get to know others from the lifestyle.
Generally the sites I told you about will have information on these events.  Remember to include a picture or pictures of yourself so that the couples can take a peek.  These pictures DON’T have to be naughty just something that lets them see your face and body shape.  If you aren’t comfortable with having a picture up you can always opt out of that and just e-mail it to couples who are interested but generally you’ll receive an even smaller amount of takers because to many couples that’s just another step in the process.  I hope this advice has helped you both and wish you the best of luck on your introduction to the lifestyle. Thank you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
As bisexual or bi curious males you are in a catch 22 position when it comes to the swinging lifestyle.
Of all sexual communities I have come into contact with I can say that the world of swinging is the most homophobic of any when it comes to men. On the flip-side it seems that many swingers expect and idolize bisexuality in women.
The weird way in which the masses of the swinging communities act in regards to bisexuality in males causes a problem for bi men, and at the same time gives an advantage.
You problem is that because of fears involving not getting play partners, being treated rudely, and generally ostracized, most bisexual males who are married do not mention their bisexual sides in their online profiles and do not openly show their bisexual desires at parties and other swing lifestyle gatherings.
This makes it very hard for you as a bisexual single to find couples through said gatherings that would be interested or to browse profiles and know who is actually bi on the swingers personals sites.
The advantage you have as a single bi male if you do create a good profile and have something to offer is that you will be contacted by these couples.
They too face the problem of what looks like slim pickings on the swing sites. Listing yourself as bisexual and wanting to play with both men and women will get interest from those couples who seeks such pleasures, but don’t list it in their profile.
As for the best site to find such couples and gatherings of people I can’t really say.
The site mentioned by Miranda… Lifestyle Lounge has the most sex positive and bi-male friendly atmosphere of the multiple sites we use, but it is also a the smallest as far as members, and filled with a more discriminating and unforgiving crowd than other sites.
If you live in a larger metro area, have social skills, are looking for the party scene, and are able to dress semi fashionably then Lifestyle Lounge is probably your best bet.
If you are not in such an area or just want to meet couples one on one then I would suggest going with AdultFriendFinder. The reason for that is that they are just plain and simple the biggest site out there when it comes to meeting couples for sex. If you go with AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF my biggest advice for your particular situation is to get a gold membership rather than silver (even though unless your very active it makes no difference in site use) because some people will consider a gold member more serious. My next advice is to really do your profile up nice.
I suggest you read my post on The proper order of the pictures for your profile.
Lastly for some AFF advice with your particular needs in mind I would suggest paying for the option of allowing non paying members to contact you if you don’t get a lot of email the first week or so.
The reason I suggest this is because AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF has a lot of non paying members who just browse profiles, but never sign up as full silver or gold members.
I once thought allowing non paid members to contact us would be an invitation to have all kinds of time wasters contact us, but I used some credits to allow it one month and actually met some great people I otherwise wouldn’t have.
Hope I have been of help. Good luck.

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Reciprocity in taking one for the team?

by on Aug.11, 2011, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Playing with others

Question:

I have been taking one for my team with a guy who I would skip over in
a heartbeat if his wife wasn’t my husbands #1 favorite of all time
play partner. The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my
type. My question to you is if you think my husband owes me the same
courtesy? He will not even consider a couple if the woman isn’t exactly
to his liking no matter what my opinion of them are. I’m feeling like
I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay, so in my opinion without beating around the bush, and hopefully without losing too many followers, yes he owes you a play-date with someone you are as equally into.
In the swinging community we all know that sometimes the left shoe doesn’t look the same as the right and I don’t want to call it, “taking one for the team” because I know I wouldn’t want someone referring to me as that, but I’ll call it going along for the ride.  *Lol* it sounds nicer!
I think it’s really important to let your husband know that at any time you have the right to refuse service and he should appreciate you being a full service bar.  Let him know that while you do enjoy him enjoying himself, you also deserve the chance at such bliss in the lifestyle, and maybe feel like you should take a break from this couple until you can both find a couple you both dig equally.
I want to tell my readers I have found one man (that I have had sex with) to be completely non sex compatible (that’s also me being nice) with me in the lifestyle and we never saw them again because of that.  Aarron was REALLY into her and he knew I was going along for the ride and to be honest I was glad to do so.  He was like a school boy with this women and I found it adorable,  BUT he didn’t let me do it again and again for his own enjoyment!!!!!  It was a one shot encounter.
Tell your husband no more playdates with this couple until you get a Hercules just like he had his Zena, darn it! Make sure he knows you do it for him…EVERYTIME… with this couple.  Let him know you deserve goodness too and refuse to settle every time.  Be strong, and girl it’s okay in a situation like this to put your foot down, after all it’s your body and your experience.  You call the shots!  Good luck and I hope you find your Hercules.

Answer:
By Aarron-
This is a touchy subject because many people in the lifestyle don’t like to admit they sometimes “take one for the team,” or maybe are the one that someone is thinking of in that context.
The reality is that it happens to a small extent pretty often with any couple that plays regularly.
It is rare to find the perfect match. One spouse is often more desirable than the other, and that is just the way it is. Looks, personality, bedroom skills, etc… all make a person attractive and desirable in swinging. Finding a couple where both are A+ top shelf perfect is about as likely as a pig with wings. If you do find them it is not likely they will think the same of you. Tastes do differ.
When you do find that perfect play partner it is very doubtful their spouse will be your husbands perfect partner.
Conclusion = Your definitely getting the short end of the stick.
Your husband needs to learn and play fair. Equality in the enjoyment department, or as close as you can find is important.
I’m glad you said “The guy isn’t exactly bad, he is just boring and not my type” when describing your situation.
If you had said he was horrible I would have had to rant.
It isn’t good for you or the other people involved when such things are going on.
Nobody wants to find out that someone they have been having sex with repeatedly wasn’t enjoying it. I’m guessing you have been, but you know you could be having more fun in another situation. That is actually OK in my book. Not all sex partners are going to measure up equal. They don’t need to measure up perfectly. They are PLAY partners only. Good friends if your lucky. They are not life mates.
If you really don’t like it at all though… Stop! If the sex is horrible… Stop! If the evenings are not fun at all…Stop!
My advice on getting your husband to play fair with you in couples selection is to do as my wife said and put your foot down.
If he doesn’t wish to play fair then he doesn’t get to play.
That is how I would handle it.

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