The Swingers Attic

Tag: cumming

When he watches me I can’t cum

by on Nov.14, 2011, under Sexuality, Unsorted

Question:

About a year ago I fulfilled one of my husbands fantasies by meeting up with a traveling man in a hotel room for sex and then coming home with his cum in me. That first time was nerve wracking because I didn’t know what to expect from my husband afterwards, but it turned him on so much it was like when we first met. He wanted sex with me every minute for weeks and couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I loved his response so much I decided to do it again and because I wasn’t worried had the hugest orgasms ever. We have been doing this ever since and both love it.
About two months ago my husband asked to watch me and I did it. My husband loved it and I had sex with both of them three times each. It was fun and my husband was even more turned on and now that is what he wants. To fuck me with a freshly filled pussy. The problem is that i can’t cum when i am being watched. I like how passionate it makes him towards me, but I have become addicted to the multiple orgasms I get from having a new guy and knowing how my husband is going to ravish me afterwards. When he watches I get just to the point of climax and can’t get over it. I told him I like the hotel meetings and privacy and he says it isn’t as good so he doesn’t want me doing it anymore. If you have suggestions on how to get a compromise on this I’d be a happy woman. No lectures on STD facts and meeting strange men please. My husband does background checks on the men before I meet them and makes sure they are who they say and I am in the medical profession and know that I am taking health risks, but also know that I am more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the hotel than catch an STD that can’t be taken care of with simple antibiotics. I asked a similar question to this on another site with forums and just got told that I shouldn’t meet with strange men and to use condoms by a bunch of people who get their health information from scare pamphlets.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Well you won’t get any STD facts from us today my dear!!!!  I think it’s wonderful you do this for your husband and I also think it’s great you and your husband were able to light an old flame in the bed room by fulfilling your husband’s fantasies.  It sounds like you enjoy sleeping with other men and you enjoy your husband’s reactions.
Now onto ways you can find a compromise!!!  I think you should ask your husband if you can maybe film the encounter.  That way you come home with a tape for him to cherish for as long as he likes and you also get to orgasm multiple times.
I personally don’t think it’s fair for your husband to all of a sudden change the game plan by saying it’s not good to meet them alone anymore since you’ve been doing it for a year.  I do think it’s dangerous for you to meet men in hotels you don’t know but…it’s absolutely none of my business and to each their own.
I can’t say I never did anything like that before.  The men of course would have to agree to the taping of course, but if you aren’t enjoying your husband’s presence and he loves to watch you with these men well… that’s my suggestion.  That way you get to cum and he gets a souvenir, it’s a win win situation.  I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma and hope you and your husband can figure it out.  It doesn’t sound like a horrible hitch in your giddy up just a small puddle, you two I can tell will make it work for both of you. Good luck and have fun enriching the communication in your marriage, also thank you for sharing your life with Aarron and I.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I like Miranda’s filming idea, but I am not sure that would give your husband what he is looking for, and it also may remove the spontaneity from your own experiences and maybe make you just as self conscious as when your husband is watching in person. I am taking it for granted that it is a bit of self consciousness that is stopping your orgasms while being watched, or it may be that you behave differently with the other men when alone, and become inhibited while your hubby is in the room.
I will say that if he liked you coming home after, and also liked being there during… the filming would be something else he would probably enjoy. It is doubtful it would replace his wanting to watch though in my mind.
The compromise you are looking for is basically that you are just as entitled to get what you want in your sexual adventures as your husband is. It is one of those situations where my advise is just to state what you want and need.
Make it an every other time type thing maybe. He gets off on the watching, being involved, and sexing you up immediately, but you need some private one on one to get your rocks off. Say so.
It is great that you started with this activity to fulfill your husbands desires and it turned out to be something you really enjoy. I would guess that because of how you started the adventure and the description of your husbands reactions that he would be more than happy to do an every other time type play agreement.

 

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First swap turned into bad half swap

by on Aug.06, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My husband and I have talked about swapping partners for almost 2 years and we finally decided to go through with it. We had a few dinner dates and also spent a lot of time on web cam and texting with the couple before we set a date. Everything went great until the actual sex. The foreplay was great and the guy put a condom on and entered me. I orgasmed in less than 10 seconds I think. For some reason that made my husband cum. They had not gotten to the fucking yet. She was giving him head still. My husband got all weird and just watched us silently while the guy fucked me. The mans wife couldn’t get my husband into going for another round. My partner stopped and I don’t think he came, but he was nice and acted like he had. We all said our goodbyes and headed home. My husband made a few comments about not getting any and seemed jealous that I did.
He doesn’t answer the woman’s texts now and says sarcastic things if I get a text from them.
They want to see us again and said they would make sure my husband started first so he would feel better. They are experienced swingers and said they understand and still want to play. I know my husband is being childish and is embarrassed. I also know he really wanted to swing. I think he is afraid to try again. Any advice on how to make him feel better and give it a go would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think when you and your spouse decide to take the plunge it’s really important if a situation arises to communicate your intentions after.
I recommend you to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Something like “Hey honey, I remember this was something WE both wanted to experience, it’s really important to OUR relationship that we talk this out because at the end of our playdate I needed us to reconnect (whether that be with sex or communication) and we didn’t.  I feel like because maybe this first playdate wasn’t ideal for you, you have taken it out a little on myself and the couple we played with by not texting the female back.  What can I do next time to  make sure you have the best time you can have?”
So that is the conversation I would start with your husband!
I also would like to point out that from experience Aarron has (and yes honey I’m using you as an example) came before things really have gotten going, and what I will do in a situation like that is try to guide the attention to him and off of my playmate.  I know that in this situation it was difficult because  your playmate was in you but I can tell you that in such a situation I would be the only person who can get my husband up again for sure.
Remember that at the end of the night you’re going home with your spouse and this is an experience that can build intimacy or take it away if communication of the night isn’t brought forth.  I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m just telling you from my sexual playdate experiences what has helped out our own relationship.
I’ve also not gone over to my husband while he needed me and believe me at the end of the night I really wish I had.  Tensions runs deep when your spouse believes you can read their mind and then you fail.
I think that maybe your husband is embarrassed, and I think you two need to talk about it.
I also think that because this is your first time you definitely have that going for you.
I also want you to let your husband know how sexy he was while doing whatever he was doing before hand. (getting his cock sucked for example)  Men need to know what they were doing turned their wife on as well, so even if he came too early give him the reassurance he needs because after all the only one who can is you.  Not the other couple and not another playdate with the other couple but… you!  Sometimes just stroking a man’s ego back into swinging is all it takes, but communication is also extremely essential.
I think it’s safe to say your husband probably won’t want to give it another go with the same couple but he might after you try a few more.  Make sure you let this couple know how much you appreciate their wanting a second date, and let them know you definitely will talk to your husband about it and keep them posted.
Your husband learns from experience, if you turned the corner on your way to work and found the road covered in nails would you on the next day take the same route to work???  I wouldn’t in fear the person who cleaned them up didn’t get them all.  Now would you then everyday pick another road to travel on for the rest of your life in fear you may run over a nail…NO!!!
Your husband needs time to get it together in his head and also an understanding and reassuring wife to help him find another road.  I hope my advice helped and you get back into the swing of things.  Thank you for your question!

Answer:
By Aarron-
I am guessing he is feeling foolish, embarrassed, and possibly not up to the task of swinging.
His manhood has been laid low from the experience.
In my swinging experiences I have had a few mishaps myself.
1) I drank too much at a party and when we retired to a hotel room afterwards I had a less than perfect erection.
To combat the situation I went as fast and hard as I could to get some sensation (it was a bit numb) and ended up lasting a whole 5 minutes or so. Lucky for me the gal I was with was at about the same level of intoxication. We played again a few weeks later minus the huge amounts of alcohol to make up for it.
2) I don’t dig pain and a woman bit me hard. Hard enough that I lost my erection from it. I know my cock, and I was not worried. I told her I’d need a few, but it would come back. I asked my wife to help speed things up. She did. She is amazing with oral. In this case I think I would have been distressed if I had an average sexual past. Losing an erection mid use is not confidence building.
3) I once had what happened to your husband happen to me. Not for the same reasons, but that isn’t relevant. I came before it was time. This was in a hotel room with two beds. My wife was with the woman’s husband on the other bed and was paying no attention to me whatsoever. I felt betrayed that she didn’t notice and wouldn’t help me out.
4) On a few occasions I have had trouble rising to the occasion for rounds three and four during a long night of play. I expect her help if needed in these cases too.
My point in listing my own problem moments is that it happens.
I have over the years had times when I didn’t last long and times when I was as hard as steel and going at it until I gave up on reaching orgasm from frustration.
My wife knows exactly how to bring me up to working order. It is my job to let her know, and her job to pay attention. In swinging you will find that it is best for both of you to pay attention to each other for various reasons and be there for each other to make sure things go smoothly.
My advice to you is that if you wish to try swinging again you must first re-build his confidence.
You must then make sure he knows you will have his back.
The way Miranda suggested to go about it sounds like a great plan.
I also agree that going back to the same couple at first isn’t the best of ideas. My reasons for that are a bit different from Miranda’s. My reason is that your husband may feel added pressure to perform well and that is a disaster waiting to happen. If he thinks he has to make up for his earlier performance he may start to worry about his performance even more. Anxiety can cause an erection not to happen, can cause an erection to go away, and can also cause premature ejaculation. Worry makes the willy not mind the owner. Confidence makes it behave perfectly.

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