The Swingers Attic

Tag: desires

An extremely high sex drive after watching the wife

by on Jul.30, 2012, under Insecurities, Playing with others, Spice

Question:
My wife and I are new to the lifestyle, and while I admit that I’m a
bit of a voyeur, I’m also bi-curious and absolutely LOVE watching her
with another man. I’ve noticed that afterwards, my sex drive is
EXTREMELY high. No feelings of jealousy, just an insatiable desire.
She once said it was like I was trying to reclaim what was rightfully
mine. We have a great relationship with nothing held back, and I was
wondering if this was normal. Sex for us is 4 – 5 times a week on
average, yet afterwards it’s 4 – 5 times a day for a couple of days.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Hehehe!!! You sound like my husband after we have a great swim in the swingers pool. YES, it’s totally normal and not strange at all…I think. So you get super turned on with your wife after you play, well I thought that was the point? To have fun play dates to then go home and have more of intense and better sex. Call me crazy!
After we play we go home I fall asleep and early in the morning sometimes as early as 4, I awake to find Aarron ready to go for another round of sexy fun. Then we fuck, usually with Aarron telling me how sexy I was and how turned on he got by watching me, then drift back to sleep only to be woken up again a couple hours later with Aarron mentioning how hard his cock is still because of me, so an answer to your question….YES it is normal if your names are Miranda and Aarron! Hope I have helped or at least made you feel not alone. Thank you for writing in and remember to always tell your wife how damn sexy she is for sexing it up with other men in front of you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
It is super common to be very sexually amped up after a good swinging encounter.
When we first started playing in the lifestyle I had many conversations about exactly that with other people.
I too am a bit voyeuristic and enjoy watching my wife have fun so am right there with you.
Consider yourself a lucky guy because though it is very normal I have also met many people that because of jealousies, insecurities, feelings of shame, guilt, etc… they experience something that seems to be almost the polar opposite.

 

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First she liked it and now she says she doesn’t

by on Oct.12, 2010, under Newbie Help, Unsorted

Question:

Having already participated in a MFM threesome my partner has decided
that, although she originally said that she really enjoyed it and
would love to do it again and even made stern promises to that effect,
she actually no longer wants anything to do with it.

I feel like my needs/desires have been completely pushed to one side
as she now refuses to even discuss it. What’s changed?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I can tell you that from the point of view of a woman participating in a MFM it can be exhilarating, orgasmic and at times shameful. 
I’m not saying this is how your wife is feeling but maybe take a look back at the situation. Was there at anytime your wife seemed uneasy or scared?  Did she give you a look or feeling she may not be enjoying herself?  If no, then maybe the guilt came a little later after she had time to think about the fantastic hot and orgasmic night. She may feel like she did something dirty or just out of her comfort zone. 
I know sometimes in the heat of the moment I think, “heck yeah let’s try that,” and then two days later I think, “Wow although I had fun and thought I really enjoyed it now I feel the guilt that society has taught me to feel.”  We are raised to believe certain things about sexual relationships that aren’t always true.  To me the very things we are taught to believe make us guilt filled and ashamed, not exactly ”healthy.”  I think your wife may have truly enjoyed the experience but something during the experience triggered her to feel discomfort either at the time or a bit later.  
It only takes ONE negative memory of the night to put the thought in her mind, “I didn’t enjoy that.”
 For example, my husband enjoyed cherries.  He ate them for years and one day found a nasty bug in one as he bit it in half.  Gross I know, but stay with me.  I would offer him cherries and he always said, “NO I DON”T LIKE THEM.” Never telling me he once enjoyed them but had a negative experience that changed his view.  Your wife is uncomfortable about something.  I would back off a bit and give her some more time to process. 
Maybe she just isn’t ready to talk about what triggered her to change her mind.  As for your sexual desires/needs not being accounted for please remember your wife’s aren’t either. Respect, understanding, compassion and listening is going to get you through this. 
Your wife will eventually open up… its what woman do, and when she does remember it takes two to cross a swinging speed bump.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I’m not sure what your “needs and desires” are in relation to having a MFM threesome so I am not sure how to tackle that part of your question.
Whatever they are I can say that if they are not communicated in a proper manner others may take them differently than what you are actually trying to get across.
“If I say I really like watching you be nasty.” to one woman she may think “I love being nasty!” while another woman may think “I’m not nasty, and don’t want my lover thinking of me that way.”
If I said “I love it when you act naughty.” I could get an entirely different mental reaction from those same women.
I may have been referring to them doing the exact same thing…
(Example: Giving another man oral sex.)
The way I express my like and desire to see the women changes how they think I perceive them and in turn changes how they may perceive themselves and the actual act of giving another man oral sex in front of me.
What I am getting at here is that the way you try to talk about these things can greatly affect how your partner views the entire experience.
Women need to feel good about themselves mentally to truly enjoy an experience.
If your partner has decided she does not want to even talk about it any more then that is a sign that the way you are communicating with her is not filling her with feelings of being sexy, wonderful, special, and valuable.
If your conversations made her feel those things she would want to talk about it.
If in talking about it she felt those things then she would associate those feelings with the act.
If she associated those types of feelings with the act then she would most likely wish to repeat the act.
My advice would be to back up a bit on trying to talk about it for a while and then start bringing it up again with small comments at first.
Let her know what you liked about her performance and the experience in general while keeping in mind they way she wants to feel and they way she communicates.

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