The Swingers Attic

Tag: erection

Is the feeling I get when I watch my wife normal?

by on Dec.11, 2011, under Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My wife and I had our first full swap in January of this year. We had
been talking about swinging for years but it was difficult to find
time with out work schedules. We met a couple on a lifestyle site and
arranged to spend new years eve with them. We could tell they were
really experienced because they were very smooth. I thought my wife
would have a hard time getting comfortable enough to get naked but
they made it very easy. It was no pressure at all. After a few drinks
we made it into their bedroom. the girls tried on some sexy clothes
for us first. Then they started using toys on each other. Then me and
the Mr. of the other couple decided to join in. The Mrs. was using a
vibrator on my wife at the time. She was really enjoying it. Then the
Mrs. suggested to replace the vibrator with her husband’s cock. My
wife didn’t have a problem with this. I didn’t either, I was ready to
see what I had always fantasized about. Seeing my wife have sex with
another man. It was me the MR. and my wife first. (MFM) It was very
arousing watching him take my wife from behind. I stopped to sit down
and watch the action. While I was watching my wife stopped to make
sure I was ok since the Mrs. of the other couple had disappeared. I
was fine. Then the Mrs. came back into the room and we started going
at it as well. Then, something happened. The Mr. of the other couple
really started giving it to my wife and she was liking it. A lot. He
was really pounding her. She made noises that I had never heard her
make before. Something came over me. I was so distracted watching my
wife get worked, that I lost my erection. It was like I wanted them to
stop but keep going at the same time. I was able to get my erection
back but it was short lived. My wife and the Mr. had changed positions
and they were really into it. My wife hadn’t even noticed that I had
stopped. I gave up and just stepped back to watch while masturbating.
I was in ecstasy. The wife just joined them and it turned into a FMF.
I just knew he made my wife come over and over. It turns out he didn’t
but she did say it was really good though. I guess he got offended
that he didn’t make my wife come because after they stopped he turned
into an asshole for some reason. We just packed up and left. Never
heard from them again. The guys attitude didn’t sit well with my wife.
it actually ruined the whole experience for her. however, she still
wants to try it again. I still get turned on by thoughts of that night
and I often masturbate to the pictures we took. Also, I still
fantasize about seeing my wife get pleasured by another man. My
question is about the feeling I got while watching my wife have sex
with that man. Is that feeling normal? Does it usually subside over
time? Is it an indication that swinging may not be for us even though
I still think about it?

Answer:
By Miranda-
First and foremost I’m sorry your first swinging experience turned out to be bitter sweet for you both.
I think it is often difficult emotionally when something goes badly and you aren’t truly sure why.
As for how you felt while your wife was being “taken care of’” roughly, I can tell you it’s TOTALLY normal and also can even occur with couples that have been swinging for years and never had any problem with it before.
Yes you were totally turned on, but that man was pleasuring your “property” in an entirely different way than she was used to and she was loving it.  It’s not uncommon and it may happen again and again.  I will say that because you totally also LOVED watching it the feeling will more than likely subside over time and you’ll just slip into sheer bliss when you watch.
I’ll make a suggestion, you sound like you might just be a man who gets off on watching your wife being with another man, so maybe until you can totally over come the case of the, “Omg my wife’s being pounded and is loving it, but hey she’s mine and she shouldn’t like being pounded like that…should she???”
I think you two may want to stick with MFM playdates.  I’m suggesting it because I feel like you’re not able to give YOUR full attention to the other female right now and until you’re able you may run into couples who act rudely when you aren’t able to take care of  business (AKA full swap).
I also want to tell you that I think it’s great your wife still wants to try again and I also think it rocks you want to even though you’re feeling a little insecure about everything.  Give it another try whether it be with just another male or a couple.
Take things slowly and if you run into rude assholes again please remember not everyone is able to act like grown ups when things don’t go their way, and that it really has absolutely nothing to do with you or your lovely wife.  Some couples have internal issues that reflect onto other couples.  For all you know the reason that other couple started swinging was because that Mr. wasn’t able to fulfill his own wife or they don’t have sex outside of swinging at all anymore, you never know, don’t take it personally.
I wish you nothing but goodness in the swinging realm and hope you give it another try.  I know I’ll try anything at least… 3 times lol.  Happy Holidays and thanks for sharing your world with us.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First of all I would like to say that the couple you played with are douche bags for turning asshole on you at the end of the encounter. They knew you to be new to swinging and supposedly had a lot of experience which pretty much means in my book that they needed to make sure you both felt awesome and secure afterwards. That is how I do it anyways… If I play with a first time couple I know to watch for emotional issues, worries, etc… and no matter how it goes down I try and leave them with a feeling of a wonderful experience.
As to your question of “Is the feeling normal? Does it usually subside over
time?”
Yes.
It is very normal to have conflicting emotions and thoughts exactly as you described when first entering the world of swinging. You have been conditioned by society to be possessive of your significant other in certain ways. You have been conditioned to believe you need to be the one and only super stallion lover that non can compare with. You may have feeling of confusion, inadequacy, jealousy, and loss from these types of experiences.
These feelings do usually lessen over time, but for some they don’t.
The flip side is that you got really turned on by watching your wife having sex with others, and that usually gets even better as the negative feelings and thoughts subside.
Talking these feelings out with your partner can often expedite the process of getting past those weird and confusing emotions.

 

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First swap turned into bad half swap

by on Aug.06, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My husband and I have talked about swapping partners for almost 2 years and we finally decided to go through with it. We had a few dinner dates and also spent a lot of time on web cam and texting with the couple before we set a date. Everything went great until the actual sex. The foreplay was great and the guy put a condom on and entered me. I orgasmed in less than 10 seconds I think. For some reason that made my husband cum. They had not gotten to the fucking yet. She was giving him head still. My husband got all weird and just watched us silently while the guy fucked me. The mans wife couldn’t get my husband into going for another round. My partner stopped and I don’t think he came, but he was nice and acted like he had. We all said our goodbyes and headed home. My husband made a few comments about not getting any and seemed jealous that I did.
He doesn’t answer the woman’s texts now and says sarcastic things if I get a text from them.
They want to see us again and said they would make sure my husband started first so he would feel better. They are experienced swingers and said they understand and still want to play. I know my husband is being childish and is embarrassed. I also know he really wanted to swing. I think he is afraid to try again. Any advice on how to make him feel better and give it a go would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think when you and your spouse decide to take the plunge it’s really important if a situation arises to communicate your intentions after.
I recommend you to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Something like “Hey honey, I remember this was something WE both wanted to experience, it’s really important to OUR relationship that we talk this out because at the end of our playdate I needed us to reconnect (whether that be with sex or communication) and we didn’t.  I feel like because maybe this first playdate wasn’t ideal for you, you have taken it out a little on myself and the couple we played with by not texting the female back.  What can I do next time to  make sure you have the best time you can have?”
So that is the conversation I would start with your husband!
I also would like to point out that from experience Aarron has (and yes honey I’m using you as an example) came before things really have gotten going, and what I will do in a situation like that is try to guide the attention to him and off of my playmate.  I know that in this situation it was difficult because  your playmate was in you but I can tell you that in such a situation I would be the only person who can get my husband up again for sure.
Remember that at the end of the night you’re going home with your spouse and this is an experience that can build intimacy or take it away if communication of the night isn’t brought forth.  I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m just telling you from my sexual playdate experiences what has helped out our own relationship.
I’ve also not gone over to my husband while he needed me and believe me at the end of the night I really wish I had.  Tensions runs deep when your spouse believes you can read their mind and then you fail.
I think that maybe your husband is embarrassed, and I think you two need to talk about it.
I also think that because this is your first time you definitely have that going for you.
I also want you to let your husband know how sexy he was while doing whatever he was doing before hand. (getting his cock sucked for example)  Men need to know what they were doing turned their wife on as well, so even if he came too early give him the reassurance he needs because after all the only one who can is you.  Not the other couple and not another playdate with the other couple but… you!  Sometimes just stroking a man’s ego back into swinging is all it takes, but communication is also extremely essential.
I think it’s safe to say your husband probably won’t want to give it another go with the same couple but he might after you try a few more.  Make sure you let this couple know how much you appreciate their wanting a second date, and let them know you definitely will talk to your husband about it and keep them posted.
Your husband learns from experience, if you turned the corner on your way to work and found the road covered in nails would you on the next day take the same route to work???  I wouldn’t in fear the person who cleaned them up didn’t get them all.  Now would you then everyday pick another road to travel on for the rest of your life in fear you may run over a nail…NO!!!
Your husband needs time to get it together in his head and also an understanding and reassuring wife to help him find another road.  I hope my advice helped and you get back into the swing of things.  Thank you for your question!

Answer:
By Aarron-
I am guessing he is feeling foolish, embarrassed, and possibly not up to the task of swinging.
His manhood has been laid low from the experience.
In my swinging experiences I have had a few mishaps myself.
1) I drank too much at a party and when we retired to a hotel room afterwards I had a less than perfect erection.
To combat the situation I went as fast and hard as I could to get some sensation (it was a bit numb) and ended up lasting a whole 5 minutes or so. Lucky for me the gal I was with was at about the same level of intoxication. We played again a few weeks later minus the huge amounts of alcohol to make up for it.
2) I don’t dig pain and a woman bit me hard. Hard enough that I lost my erection from it. I know my cock, and I was not worried. I told her I’d need a few, but it would come back. I asked my wife to help speed things up. She did. She is amazing with oral. In this case I think I would have been distressed if I had an average sexual past. Losing an erection mid use is not confidence building.
3) I once had what happened to your husband happen to me. Not for the same reasons, but that isn’t relevant. I came before it was time. This was in a hotel room with two beds. My wife was with the woman’s husband on the other bed and was paying no attention to me whatsoever. I felt betrayed that she didn’t notice and wouldn’t help me out.
4) On a few occasions I have had trouble rising to the occasion for rounds three and four during a long night of play. I expect her help if needed in these cases too.
My point in listing my own problem moments is that it happens.
I have over the years had times when I didn’t last long and times when I was as hard as steel and going at it until I gave up on reaching orgasm from frustration.
My wife knows exactly how to bring me up to working order. It is my job to let her know, and her job to pay attention. In swinging you will find that it is best for both of you to pay attention to each other for various reasons and be there for each other to make sure things go smoothly.
My advice to you is that if you wish to try swinging again you must first re-build his confidence.
You must then make sure he knows you will have his back.
The way Miranda suggested to go about it sounds like a great plan.
I also agree that going back to the same couple at first isn’t the best of ideas. My reasons for that are a bit different from Miranda’s. My reason is that your husband may feel added pressure to perform well and that is a disaster waiting to happen. If he thinks he has to make up for his earlier performance he may start to worry about his performance even more. Anxiety can cause an erection not to happen, can cause an erection to go away, and can also cause premature ejaculation. Worry makes the willy not mind the owner. Confidence makes it behave perfectly.

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