The Swingers Attic

Tag: explore

She just wants sensual girl on girl play

by on Sep.11, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

A while ago I went to my husband about my interest on having sex with
another women , of course my husband was right into that idea . We
joined a swingers site and met our first couple , on the first meeting
things got pretty wild , and the girl and I started playing around .
As us girls were going at it , I noticed our husbands had taken their
cloths off to lie beside their girls on the bed ,everything was going
good , but things got a bit crazy , The girl was very wild , very
rough , I always thought being with another women would be sexy ,
sensual , soft . The next day I felt very dirty , very embarrassed with
my husband , is this normal ?? right away I said I would never do it
again I was done in the lifestyle cause the experience was not what I
thought it would be . But a few days later I still have those feelings
of wanting to be with a very sexy , soft touch of a women am I crazy
to try it again ?? my husband and I are very open with each other ,
very much in love and he knows I don’t think I will ever want a soft
or full swap , just girl on girl play and same room sex with our own
partners and he is happy with that , I am afraid that when we are
comfortable with that he will want more and I don’t think I can ever
go there . for me this is about me wanting to be with a women and
wanting my husband to watch me with another women as I know he thinks
that is sexy . am I being selfish ???

Answer:
By Miranda-
First off NO you aren’t being selfish, you were pushed over your sex comfort boundary, and you don’t wish to try again.  I can’t say that I blame you.  I think it’s great you and your husband have such an open line of communication and I applaud your for that.  I think it’s okay to want one thing and not another, I mean, just because your husband likes chocolate ice cream doesn’t mean you do and vise versa.  I think it’s important to play within your comfort levels and if someday those comfort levels change and you wish to explore other options great and if not, that’s okay as well.
As for feeling dirty and yucky about yourself, I’m sorry you had to feel that way, but that doesn’t necassary mean ALL playdates will be that way.  You picked a pair of jeans too big for you and need to down size, the couple you met wasn’t the right fit.  If you think you’re being selfish for wanting what you want, think again!  All people have likes and dislikes, things they’re willing or NOT willing to do. If your husband wishes to include another male into your play circle maybe do it for him for special occasions, or as a reward.  Also if your husband is happy with just girl on girl and same room sex then maybe he is with no strings attached and who knows after time you may be wanting something different.  People change their sexual desire sometimes, so who knows in a year or so you may be in a different playing field.
I think it’s important to make it clear on your profiles that you desire a “sensual, gentle, soft” women to play with.  They are TOTALLY out there, and a blast to play with.  Just like in real life, it’s okay to set requirements even more so in the lifestyle actually because these “playmates, ” are fantasy, you can be choosier.  Take your time and have fun, what is fitting to one girl isn’t for another.  For all you know the girl you played with was thinking, “Wow I thought she’s be more aggressive?”  Lines of communications were crossed and you became ashamed of your self and your husband.
I always recommend couples setting boundaries in advance for example, “Hey guys my wife isn’t into rough, she enjoys things gentle.”  Communication isn’t just key in a marriage but also in learning about your playmates likes and dislikes.  Sounds like a little more communication needed to be established before entering into the bedroom with this couple.  It’s not anyone’s fault, just trial and error.  You’ll know better next time, so maybe you won’t venture there again.  I wish you two luck in finding the right girlie friend for you and hope you give the lifestyle another try…on YOUR terms.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First I would like tho talk about expectations and sexual partners.
Your expectations are just fine, and there are a lot of women out there who want nothing more than the soft touch, and gentle hands of another woman.
The whole appeal of another woman to some girls is the erotic , sensual, and different sort of sex they can get from a woman, instead of a man.
If that is what you are looking for then go and seek it it out. If your using websites to meet these people you need to spell it out clearly.
“Seeking the soft, and gentle touch of a woman. Not interested in aggressive sex.”
That little line ought to do it for you.
I know women so aggressive that they scare the crud out of both men and women all the time if the people are not ready for it.
One of my favorite playmates is a woman who is so aggressive in bed I make jokes about introducing people to her that haven’t been in the lifestyle long. She literally scares people off.
Another of my favorite partners I call a gentle breeze on the water.
She is soft, sensuous, and erotic. She is who I would seek if I wanted to feel calm and relaxed afterwards for days.
I like the variety that swinging brings me. So does my wife, but I don’t like all types of sexual styles. I have learned to seek out those who fit me and avoid those who won’t.
If you really want that soft touch you must make it clear from the beginning.
Now… on to the next part of your question.
Will your husband eventually want more, and is it fair you won’t go there.
Probably, and yes.
I have seen many people start in just the manner you are.
Girl+Girl with husbands watching or only participating with their own spouses.
Usually it ends up with the guy wanting to play with the other woman, or wanting his wife/girlfriend to play with another man.
Either way it happens you will end up in the same place most likely.
Just on averages I would guess that eventually it will happen or be asked about. Don’t be surprised when if it does.
Can you just straight up say no? Of course you can. Each step in the swinging lifestyle must be taken with great care to ensure that no disaster ensues. Each step is negotiated as separate things. Almost ALL swingers have set boundaries. The boundaries change as time goes on, but only with communication and understanding.

 

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Did we jump in a little too quick?

by on Sep.08, 2011, under Newbie Help

Question:

We are totally new to this and had our first full swap this weekend. We met this couple previously for drinks and arranged to meet again this weekend. My wife was turned on by his eyes and laid back attitude and I was turned on by her sexiness. We didn’t plan on a full swap, but it happened. There were highlights and not so great moments during our night with this couple. They are sweet, patient, and sexy. We went home afterward wondering if we would ever do it again. Maybe this is all the “drama” that people mention they want to avoid, but we are really unsure about going forward. We would imagine this kind of reaction is not unique to us. We would appreciate your perspective for just starting out. Maybe we jumped in a little too quick.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I personally find that sometimes what is good for the goose isn’t good for the gander.
In some swinging situations when a couple full swaps for the first time, one person is generally totally into doing it again while the other is hesitant.
Other times  both members of the couple love it and can’t wait to jump in again and again head first, then there are couples like yourselves.  Both of you had a good time, but also had an overwhelming sexual swinging experience.
When it comes to playing with another couple for the first time EVER you can really intensify the emotions and feelings you’re having more so than in a common, “straight encounter,” and you also have to take into acount you have a partner to watch and think about.
It can definitely be sensor over load and can make a couple say, “Hey is this really for us???”
The answer is different for all, and for many couples it’s, “not for them,” while others, even though they may have overstepped their comfort boundaries for the first time decide to try it again and again until they get it right.
I always suggest taking a step back instead of forward when in doubt.
Don’t full swap again if you aren’t fully comfortable with it. It is that plain and simple.
Try a soft swap, and if the couple you just played with isn’t into a soft swap don’t take it personally, just move on.
Always be honest with each other and remember that communication is key.
Never go home without discussing the evening no matter how experienced you are in the lifestyle. What could have been your best night in swinging ever could be the worst for your wife, and you wouldn’t eve know it.
I think it’s great you two DID go home saying, “Hey do you think we should do that again?”  Maybe the answer is yes or maybe it’s no, but at least you two took the plunge together and came out together.  What a beautiful accomplishment, thank you for your question.

Answer:
By Aarron-
It sounds like you had a great couple to start off on your swinging adventures with.
It also sounds like you did have a good time, but are having a bit of trouble wrapping your mind around the whole experience.
From all the people I have met over time in the lifestyle, and all the stories I have heard, I can safely say that you are experiencing something very normal for many couples after their first full swap.
What you have done when you swapped was broken a million little rules about love and marriage that have been ingrained in you your entire life.
You broke those rules and so did your wife.
Even if you can rationalize and say things like “I don’t agree wit those rules,” and “it is different because we agreed to do it,” you are going to get all the strange feelings of wrongness and confusion. However many years you have been on this planet is how many years of social/mental programming your dealing with.
Movies, music, jokes, social stigmas, etc… You are not supposed to have sex with other people when married. It fill your subconscious.
You have broken out of the mold more than most people do just by taking the leap and then being able to talk about it afterwards.
It doesn’t save you from confusing feelings though.
My advice is the same as Miranda said. Go slow.
Without more background I can’t say much beyond that, but from how you worded your question I can see a desire to continue, but hesitation because of the mental after affects.
I have known people who claimed to have no issues their first times out that in reality just hid them. Disaster resulted.
I have also heard from people who are now very comfortable in the lifestyle who easily admit they once had many misgivings about their first few experiences, but went ahead in order to fulfill fantasies and experience the good parts. Talking with each other is extremely important.
In the end, no one can tell you if the lifestyle is right for you except you.
Hope we have helped in some way.

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