The Swingers Attic

Tag: feelings

Is the feeling I get when I watch my wife normal?

by on Dec.11, 2011, under Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My wife and I had our first full swap in January of this year. We had
been talking about swinging for years but it was difficult to find
time with out work schedules. We met a couple on a lifestyle site and
arranged to spend new years eve with them. We could tell they were
really experienced because they were very smooth. I thought my wife
would have a hard time getting comfortable enough to get naked but
they made it very easy. It was no pressure at all. After a few drinks
we made it into their bedroom. the girls tried on some sexy clothes
for us first. Then they started using toys on each other. Then me and
the Mr. of the other couple decided to join in. The Mrs. was using a
vibrator on my wife at the time. She was really enjoying it. Then the
Mrs. suggested to replace the vibrator with her husband’s cock. My
wife didn’t have a problem with this. I didn’t either, I was ready to
see what I had always fantasized about. Seeing my wife have sex with
another man. It was me the MR. and my wife first. (MFM) It was very
arousing watching him take my wife from behind. I stopped to sit down
and watch the action. While I was watching my wife stopped to make
sure I was ok since the Mrs. of the other couple had disappeared. I
was fine. Then the Mrs. came back into the room and we started going
at it as well. Then, something happened. The Mr. of the other couple
really started giving it to my wife and she was liking it. A lot. He
was really pounding her. She made noises that I had never heard her
make before. Something came over me. I was so distracted watching my
wife get worked, that I lost my erection. It was like I wanted them to
stop but keep going at the same time. I was able to get my erection
back but it was short lived. My wife and the Mr. had changed positions
and they were really into it. My wife hadn’t even noticed that I had
stopped. I gave up and just stepped back to watch while masturbating.
I was in ecstasy. The wife just joined them and it turned into a FMF.
I just knew he made my wife come over and over. It turns out he didn’t
but she did say it was really good though. I guess he got offended
that he didn’t make my wife come because after they stopped he turned
into an asshole for some reason. We just packed up and left. Never
heard from them again. The guys attitude didn’t sit well with my wife.
it actually ruined the whole experience for her. however, she still
wants to try it again. I still get turned on by thoughts of that night
and I often masturbate to the pictures we took. Also, I still
fantasize about seeing my wife get pleasured by another man. My
question is about the feeling I got while watching my wife have sex
with that man. Is that feeling normal? Does it usually subside over
time? Is it an indication that swinging may not be for us even though
I still think about it?

Answer:
By Miranda-
First and foremost I’m sorry your first swinging experience turned out to be bitter sweet for you both.
I think it is often difficult emotionally when something goes badly and you aren’t truly sure why.
As for how you felt while your wife was being “taken care of’” roughly, I can tell you it’s TOTALLY normal and also can even occur with couples that have been swinging for years and never had any problem with it before.
Yes you were totally turned on, but that man was pleasuring your “property” in an entirely different way than she was used to and she was loving it.  It’s not uncommon and it may happen again and again.  I will say that because you totally also LOVED watching it the feeling will more than likely subside over time and you’ll just slip into sheer bliss when you watch.
I’ll make a suggestion, you sound like you might just be a man who gets off on watching your wife being with another man, so maybe until you can totally over come the case of the, “Omg my wife’s being pounded and is loving it, but hey she’s mine and she shouldn’t like being pounded like that…should she???”
I think you two may want to stick with MFM playdates.  I’m suggesting it because I feel like you’re not able to give YOUR full attention to the other female right now and until you’re able you may run into couples who act rudely when you aren’t able to take care of  business (AKA full swap).
I also want to tell you that I think it’s great your wife still wants to try again and I also think it rocks you want to even though you’re feeling a little insecure about everything.  Give it another try whether it be with just another male or a couple.
Take things slowly and if you run into rude assholes again please remember not everyone is able to act like grown ups when things don’t go their way, and that it really has absolutely nothing to do with you or your lovely wife.  Some couples have internal issues that reflect onto other couples.  For all you know the reason that other couple started swinging was because that Mr. wasn’t able to fulfill his own wife or they don’t have sex outside of swinging at all anymore, you never know, don’t take it personally.
I wish you nothing but goodness in the swinging realm and hope you give it another try.  I know I’ll try anything at least… 3 times lol.  Happy Holidays and thanks for sharing your world with us.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First of all I would like to say that the couple you played with are douche bags for turning asshole on you at the end of the encounter. They knew you to be new to swinging and supposedly had a lot of experience which pretty much means in my book that they needed to make sure you both felt awesome and secure afterwards. That is how I do it anyways… If I play with a first time couple I know to watch for emotional issues, worries, etc… and no matter how it goes down I try and leave them with a feeling of a wonderful experience.
As to your question of “Is the feeling normal? Does it usually subside over
time?”
Yes.
It is very normal to have conflicting emotions and thoughts exactly as you described when first entering the world of swinging. You have been conditioned by society to be possessive of your significant other in certain ways. You have been conditioned to believe you need to be the one and only super stallion lover that non can compare with. You may have feeling of confusion, inadequacy, jealousy, and loss from these types of experiences.
These feelings do usually lessen over time, but for some they don’t.
The flip side is that you got really turned on by watching your wife having sex with others, and that usually gets even better as the negative feelings and thoughts subside.
Talking these feelings out with your partner can often expedite the process of getting past those weird and confusing emotions.

 

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His erection problems make me want a hall pass

by on Mar.11, 2011, under Insecurities, Unsorted

 

Question:
My husband sometimes has erection difficulties when swinging  and I often end up having to stop what I am doing to help him get his erection going. I really don’t mind doing this for him and I love us playing together, but sometimes I would just like to enjoy myself sexually without worrying about him and keeping a watchful eye in case my help is needed. We have never played separate and until recently I never wanted separate play. The idea of just being able to have great sex without being distracted sounds really good lately. Suggestions on how to ask a husband for a hall pass?
Suggestions on reasons I could give for wanting a hall pass besides telling him it’s to get a break from watching over him?

Answer:
By Miranda-
Although I don’t necassarily promote separate play and normally would warn against it, I think you and your husband may just want to try separate rooms at first. 
My husband and I  once played with a couple who the man had erection problems while watching his wife be fucked.  Seperate rooms would maybe take a little pressure off of you and your husband can concentrate on the other female. 
 Now I’m not saying your husband is having problems due to that specifically (could be a million little things) and I understand you’d like advice on getting a hall pass so here it is. 
Suggest that it might be fun for both of you to go out on the same night separately and then you take the husband home and the wife of the other couple takes your husband home. 
Then I suggest coming home that night and telling each other what you did with the other couple.  This way you two can replay the experiences  to each other and come together as a couple by communicating about the night. 
 I think couples in the lifestyle sometimes forget to communicate after a play date so this could be a great recap for you both. 
Consider  though that  making this suggestion could be a dangerous situation because you’re at one house and he’s at another, and if he has erection difficulties again…you can’t just run over.  Your husband counts on your for back up and moral support so if he’s not getting aroused with the other woman, he could have a terrible evening and that alone could cause MAJOR issues for you both.  
I can totally understand you wanting great sex without distractions, but if you’re into staying problem free in the lifestyle I truly suggest ticking this small speed bump out with your husband. 
Sometimes these things go away on their own and just take a little time.  
Another suggestion on how to get a hall pass…just ask!  Say, “Honey I would like a hall pass.”  When he asks why say, “I would like the experience and I’m willing to give you one as well.”  Honesty is the best policy in the lifestyle and so if after you ask and if a argument ensues it might be a good indication that a hall pass isn’t an option at the moment.  
This is to not say one day your husband might want one for himself. 
 Final suggestion, become an active crafter and get out construction paper, scissors, glitter, and markers and make a hall pass to give to your husband as a game.  
You two can give it back and forth freely as a reward for good behavior.  For example, say you had a really tough week and your husband has stood by you every step of the way…give him the hall pass, and vise-versa.  I’m very thankful for you great question and hope I have given you some  helpful ideas.  Thank you and good luck!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Since you mention really enjoying your play time together and that you don’t mind helping him out when he has erection issues I would say you are doing pretty well in the swinging arena overall.
The one thing that isn’t good is that he is regularly having erection issues in the first place.
If you are able to “help him out” every time it shows that his equipment is working fine and it’s just something going on in his head.
Whatever it is that is causing the erection issues needs to be figured out and corrected. It could be simple anxiety from a new partner. It could be much more complicated. Whatever it is takes away from the fun you are both having.
Get talking and figure out the root causes and work on them.
Your real question was about asking for a hall pass without telling your husband why and hurting his feelings.
That is an example of how things stack up.
If you addressed the first problem you wouldn’t have the second one of not wishing to explain why you want a hall pass.
Anyways… I really liked Miranda’s suggestions.
Going on separate dates with a couple you are already friendly with would certainly get you your alone time without having to worry about actually asking for a hall pass or explaining why. If it was suggested in the right way it would certainly do the trick.
Making an actual pass to hand back and forth would also turn it into a fun rather than awkward situation when it comes to bringing up the topic. Just be sure to give it to him first and in an enthusiastic playful manner. If presented correctly he will take it as a gift and in the end you get your hall pass.
My own manner of asking for a hall pass would be the simple “I want a hall pass” type statement/question personally.
I’m just simple that way I guess.
In my book simple is always best when it comes to asking for things.
However you decide to go about it I wish you good luck and hope that eventually you get to the root of the erection issues so that if ever you want a hall pass in the future it isn’t because you don’t want to watch over your husband.

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