The Swingers Attic

Tag: half swap

First time half swap and jealousy

by on Jul.08, 2012, under Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My husband and I had our first experience at a party this weekend. I
loved it, he loved most of it. He admitted later that he didn’t like
seeing me with another man. We had agreed in advance that I would not
have intercourse. So I only had oral sex. He asked if it was ok for
him to have intercourse and I was more than fine with it. I don’t know
what you would call this, first of all. And I also wonder if this is a
common thing. I want to do this again but I am worried he won’t want
to because of his jealousy. What do I do to get him into it?

Answer:
By Miranda-
This is a total common thing, men usually either love watching their wives have sex with other men or it makes the hair on the back of their necks stand up and they see red.  I think men, no matter what any of them say are ALL about possession. I think it is a biological thing.  They love that THEIR sexy,  hot wife is being so naughty or they want that strange neanderthal to get the hell of f THEIR sexy hot wife.
I find it really funny at times how the simple male brain operates, me like or…club him!!!!  okay enough teasing on the guys.
I think the best thing to do is to try it  again because sometimes it takes a bit for husbands to warm up to the idea.
And then again it may not!
Only more play time will tell, and if after a couple more tries it still isn’t working for him then it’s time to throw in the ol swinger towel or live a life of FFM play.  I think its important for men that are having issues such as your husband’s to be honest about them so bravo and hats off to your husband.  Some men let it fester until their is a major blow up, sometimes during a play date!!!  EEEEP!!  I would definitely give it the ol college try though and see if things get better.  I will say that if Aarron wasn’t comfortable with me having sex with another man there would be NOOOOOOO way on GOd’s green earth he would be able to indulge.  Sorry honey but I’m all about even Stevens, none of that craziness in my house.  Equality now!!!! lol.
I also think it’s important for guys to be totally comfortable with the guy you’re playing with because it can put a husband on edge if they have any doubts about your male playmate.  I know Aarron and I have a couple that are SOOOOO relaxed and chill and so my husband feels okay with the guy but we have had playmates that Aarron wouldn’t even go to the bathroom because he didn’t trust them alone (isn’t he cute?).  So maybe you two need to find a couple and make super good friends with them so your hubby can sit back and marvel in HIS hot sexy wife doing naughty things.  Thanks for the great question and keep em  girl cummin!

Answer:
By Aarron-
What you two did is commonly called a half swap. It is not unusual and is most often the exact scenario you described, but sometimes is the reverse.
As to your husbands jealousy… it is a normal response for the majority of men to experience jealousy at first. It usually gets less and less as time goes by if you keep playing, but not always.
My advice is that you should keep it to half swap or soft swinging (both oral only) for a while and discuss feelings after your play-dates every time.
I don’t 100% agree with my wife that all men are “ALL about possession,” but I would say that to some degree it is for the most part true.
I mention that because you can play up to it. If you know what would turn your husband on visually or as a scenario when it comes to your actions you can make it a bit of a special show for him. It can in a way make it seem as if your actions are as much for him as for you. Not all men however are into such things.
I’ve met many couples who play separate room simply because they don’t enjoy seeing each other having sex with others. They like the strange/new partners for themselves, but are not down with watching their spouse get it on.
Miranda mentioned comfort levels between the men. This I do agree with completely. It is especially important if the male has jealousy issues based on propriety and feels possessive of his wife.
When a guy hits it off with another guy they chat and share things. They show off their stuff.
Look at my motorcycle, my collection of stamps, my baseball cards, my boat, my hobbies, etc… (I tried to be random) If a guy doesn’t hit it off with another guy he doesn’t want to share his collections, prize possessions, or hobbies. You as his wife fall into a weird category of possession. The first two words in your question say “My husband,” giving you possession of him.
You in a way possess each other. For him to feel very comfortable about sharing his wife he may also need to feel like he wants to show off his toys.
I hope you don’t get annoyed that I compared you as a wife to material objects, but the same motivations for a guy to show off his special collections/possessions to another guy are often they key to showing off his special wife in a sexual way.

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First swap turned into bad half swap

by on Aug.06, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

My husband and I have talked about swapping partners for almost 2 years and we finally decided to go through with it. We had a few dinner dates and also spent a lot of time on web cam and texting with the couple before we set a date. Everything went great until the actual sex. The foreplay was great and the guy put a condom on and entered me. I orgasmed in less than 10 seconds I think. For some reason that made my husband cum. They had not gotten to the fucking yet. She was giving him head still. My husband got all weird and just watched us silently while the guy fucked me. The mans wife couldn’t get my husband into going for another round. My partner stopped and I don’t think he came, but he was nice and acted like he had. We all said our goodbyes and headed home. My husband made a few comments about not getting any and seemed jealous that I did.
He doesn’t answer the woman’s texts now and says sarcastic things if I get a text from them.
They want to see us again and said they would make sure my husband started first so he would feel better. They are experienced swingers and said they understand and still want to play. I know my husband is being childish and is embarrassed. I also know he really wanted to swing. I think he is afraid to try again. Any advice on how to make him feel better and give it a go would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think when you and your spouse decide to take the plunge it’s really important if a situation arises to communicate your intentions after.
I recommend you to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Something like “Hey honey, I remember this was something WE both wanted to experience, it’s really important to OUR relationship that we talk this out because at the end of our playdate I needed us to reconnect (whether that be with sex or communication) and we didn’t.  I feel like because maybe this first playdate wasn’t ideal for you, you have taken it out a little on myself and the couple we played with by not texting the female back.  What can I do next time to  make sure you have the best time you can have?”
So that is the conversation I would start with your husband!
I also would like to point out that from experience Aarron has (and yes honey I’m using you as an example) came before things really have gotten going, and what I will do in a situation like that is try to guide the attention to him and off of my playmate.  I know that in this situation it was difficult because  your playmate was in you but I can tell you that in such a situation I would be the only person who can get my husband up again for sure.
Remember that at the end of the night you’re going home with your spouse and this is an experience that can build intimacy or take it away if communication of the night isn’t brought forth.  I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m just telling you from my sexual playdate experiences what has helped out our own relationship.
I’ve also not gone over to my husband while he needed me and believe me at the end of the night I really wish I had.  Tensions runs deep when your spouse believes you can read their mind and then you fail.
I think that maybe your husband is embarrassed, and I think you two need to talk about it.
I also think that because this is your first time you definitely have that going for you.
I also want you to let your husband know how sexy he was while doing whatever he was doing before hand. (getting his cock sucked for example)  Men need to know what they were doing turned their wife on as well, so even if he came too early give him the reassurance he needs because after all the only one who can is you.  Not the other couple and not another playdate with the other couple but… you!  Sometimes just stroking a man’s ego back into swinging is all it takes, but communication is also extremely essential.
I think it’s safe to say your husband probably won’t want to give it another go with the same couple but he might after you try a few more.  Make sure you let this couple know how much you appreciate their wanting a second date, and let them know you definitely will talk to your husband about it and keep them posted.
Your husband learns from experience, if you turned the corner on your way to work and found the road covered in nails would you on the next day take the same route to work???  I wouldn’t in fear the person who cleaned them up didn’t get them all.  Now would you then everyday pick another road to travel on for the rest of your life in fear you may run over a nail…NO!!!
Your husband needs time to get it together in his head and also an understanding and reassuring wife to help him find another road.  I hope my advice helped and you get back into the swing of things.  Thank you for your question!

Answer:
By Aarron-
I am guessing he is feeling foolish, embarrassed, and possibly not up to the task of swinging.
His manhood has been laid low from the experience.
In my swinging experiences I have had a few mishaps myself.
1) I drank too much at a party and when we retired to a hotel room afterwards I had a less than perfect erection.
To combat the situation I went as fast and hard as I could to get some sensation (it was a bit numb) and ended up lasting a whole 5 minutes or so. Lucky for me the gal I was with was at about the same level of intoxication. We played again a few weeks later minus the huge amounts of alcohol to make up for it.
2) I don’t dig pain and a woman bit me hard. Hard enough that I lost my erection from it. I know my cock, and I was not worried. I told her I’d need a few, but it would come back. I asked my wife to help speed things up. She did. She is amazing with oral. In this case I think I would have been distressed if I had an average sexual past. Losing an erection mid use is not confidence building.
3) I once had what happened to your husband happen to me. Not for the same reasons, but that isn’t relevant. I came before it was time. This was in a hotel room with two beds. My wife was with the woman’s husband on the other bed and was paying no attention to me whatsoever. I felt betrayed that she didn’t notice and wouldn’t help me out.
4) On a few occasions I have had trouble rising to the occasion for rounds three and four during a long night of play. I expect her help if needed in these cases too.
My point in listing my own problem moments is that it happens.
I have over the years had times when I didn’t last long and times when I was as hard as steel and going at it until I gave up on reaching orgasm from frustration.
My wife knows exactly how to bring me up to working order. It is my job to let her know, and her job to pay attention. In swinging you will find that it is best for both of you to pay attention to each other for various reasons and be there for each other to make sure things go smoothly.
My advice to you is that if you wish to try swinging again you must first re-build his confidence.
You must then make sure he knows you will have his back.
The way Miranda suggested to go about it sounds like a great plan.
I also agree that going back to the same couple at first isn’t the best of ideas. My reasons for that are a bit different from Miranda’s. My reason is that your husband may feel added pressure to perform well and that is a disaster waiting to happen. If he thinks he has to make up for his earlier performance he may start to worry about his performance even more. Anxiety can cause an erection not to happen, can cause an erection to go away, and can also cause premature ejaculation. Worry makes the willy not mind the owner. Confidence makes it behave perfectly.

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