The Swingers Attic

Tag: husbands

A break from swinging and drifting apart

by on Aug.11, 2012, under Spice

Question:
Hi Miranda and Aarron.
I am addicted to your site and always love your answers to the questions you get.
Now it is my turn to ask a question.
A little over a year ago my hubby and I took a break from swinging because of a family crisis and some financial issues. We had been long time swingers and most of our social life revolved around the lifestyle. In the last few months it feels like we have drifted apart and lost a huge part of what was us. We don’t feel our relationship is healthy enough to swing because we are not having much sex and have seen couples like that get jealous. We don’t want to be one of those. We know that if we went back to the lifestyle it could maybe light our fire. We have fears of problems though. My hubby said maybe soft swinging or just girls, but I was never much into soft play because it is like not getting my fries with my happy meal. I am also not into just girls. He mentioned just going to events to be. social too, but that would be like ordering my happy meal just to find out I left my purse at home.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay so your situation sounds SO similar to what Aarron and I have been through. A loss in the family and major financial stress threw us into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety with each other. I’m glad to know there are others like us out there who are going through the same things sometimes.
I agree with your husband, I think you should start back into the social scene and in doing so you and your husband will start feeling sexy again. Then maybe go home to talk about sexy couples and then hop in the sack to get intimate with each other’s fantasies again.
I know it feels like wasting time to do that but it could be a really good thing for awhile until you get back on track.
NO one says not to take down couples profile names or numbers, just don’t play for a bit but still get out so you aren’t trudging through the daily grind of stress. It’s so easy to become compliant when SERIOUS stress hits. No longer feeling into the flame and just wanting to get through the day and into bed…for sleep only.
I recently came across some excellent advice which has given MY relationship it’s fire back a bit. If you want to feel the flame you once had…act the way you did when you first met. I know it seems fake and totally hard to do but once you start making the effort to make a fire together it actually works. It does feel uncomfortable a first and totally silly but I have enjoyed doing it. I can see the man in my husband he was before our life struggle and it makes me feel hot for him because there is a sparkle in is eyes again for me. I think you should try it, I mean after all what do you have to lose?
Try the newlywed thing and then start going to lifestyle events for just the social aspect for awhile. If you don’t get yourself out of the house especially for sexy fun, you will be like pond scum, very unattractive and going no where. I hope I’ve helped and will be sending positive naughty vibes your way. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Yes, very similar to our own situation in many ways.
We have had some bad twists of fate in the last couple of years that have left us staggering.
It seems as if when it rains it pours. One thing after another and we have not had the time or ability for keeping ourselves together. We also have not had the time or urge to play with others sexually over the last year very much.
I’d guess that swingers (and similar types) at one point made up a good 90% of our friends when it came to socializing. Now I would say it is maybe 20% and sex is rarely involved.
Only recently have we started to try and break out of our routine to pursue such things again.
We are lucky in that we had made many friends in the lifestyle who stayed friends even without the sex.
The reason I think that lucky is that we are able to jump right in again with friends we already know rather than go hunting at clubs or via online to meet new people. It is just simply easier.
As a matter of fact we have a fun weekend planned for next weekend with just such a couple.
Miranda and I don’t have that perfect teem feeling we had before our sting of bad events. I wouldn’t be as comfortable as I once was playing as we used to. We don’t know each others ques as perfectly as we did even just a year ago.
It is time to re-learn them.
We learn through practice. Dinner dates with other new couples, parties that we go to with the idea of not playing, (unless we meet the most amazing couple ever that we just can’t help it) getting together with old friends, and being a bit more active on sites like Lifestyle Lounge than we have been for the last year.
We are just taking it slow. Socializing has always been a big pat of the lifestyle for me so it is cool to be getting back to it.
In short… I think it is a good idea for you to get back to it, and that it would probably light your fire like you think it would.
I also agree with your husband that you should keep it chill. If your not into soft swinging per se, then maybe some group play at a club and keep the intercourse between you two only for the first couple times. That could be like a happy meal with half the fries?

I don’t know how you two originally started, but however it was it worked.
Try and get yourselves back to whatever mental place you both were in when you originally started before you jump back in again full bore.

As for your worries of jealousy… Since you know what swinging is about you are the only one to know if you will have those issues or not when you start back up.

NOTE: (by Aarron)
I actually felt like we were airing a bit of our own dirty laundry with our answers on this one.
Unlike those who ask… we who answer are not anonymous.
Still, I think it is important to all who read our blog to know where we are coming from in some cases even if it isn’t a bed of roses.
Like all couples we have our ups and downs. Many times it is due to situations out of our control.
That is life however and we do what all couples who love each other should do. We persevere, try, forgive, and go on.
Eventually the storm passes and we dance in the sun. That is love.

 

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When he watches me I can’t cum

by on Nov.14, 2011, under Sexuality, Unsorted

Question:

About a year ago I fulfilled one of my husbands fantasies by meeting up with a traveling man in a hotel room for sex and then coming home with his cum in me. That first time was nerve wracking because I didn’t know what to expect from my husband afterwards, but it turned him on so much it was like when we first met. He wanted sex with me every minute for weeks and couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I loved his response so much I decided to do it again and because I wasn’t worried had the hugest orgasms ever. We have been doing this ever since and both love it.
About two months ago my husband asked to watch me and I did it. My husband loved it and I had sex with both of them three times each. It was fun and my husband was even more turned on and now that is what he wants. To fuck me with a freshly filled pussy. The problem is that i can’t cum when i am being watched. I like how passionate it makes him towards me, but I have become addicted to the multiple orgasms I get from having a new guy and knowing how my husband is going to ravish me afterwards. When he watches I get just to the point of climax and can’t get over it. I told him I like the hotel meetings and privacy and he says it isn’t as good so he doesn’t want me doing it anymore. If you have suggestions on how to get a compromise on this I’d be a happy woman. No lectures on STD facts and meeting strange men please. My husband does background checks on the men before I meet them and makes sure they are who they say and I am in the medical profession and know that I am taking health risks, but also know that I am more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the hotel than catch an STD that can’t be taken care of with simple antibiotics. I asked a similar question to this on another site with forums and just got told that I shouldn’t meet with strange men and to use condoms by a bunch of people who get their health information from scare pamphlets.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Well you won’t get any STD facts from us today my dear!!!!  I think it’s wonderful you do this for your husband and I also think it’s great you and your husband were able to light an old flame in the bed room by fulfilling your husband’s fantasies.  It sounds like you enjoy sleeping with other men and you enjoy your husband’s reactions.
Now onto ways you can find a compromise!!!  I think you should ask your husband if you can maybe film the encounter.  That way you come home with a tape for him to cherish for as long as he likes and you also get to orgasm multiple times.
I personally don’t think it’s fair for your husband to all of a sudden change the game plan by saying it’s not good to meet them alone anymore since you’ve been doing it for a year.  I do think it’s dangerous for you to meet men in hotels you don’t know but…it’s absolutely none of my business and to each their own.
I can’t say I never did anything like that before.  The men of course would have to agree to the taping of course, but if you aren’t enjoying your husband’s presence and he loves to watch you with these men well… that’s my suggestion.  That way you get to cum and he gets a souvenir, it’s a win win situation.  I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma and hope you and your husband can figure it out.  It doesn’t sound like a horrible hitch in your giddy up just a small puddle, you two I can tell will make it work for both of you. Good luck and have fun enriching the communication in your marriage, also thank you for sharing your life with Aarron and I.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I like Miranda’s filming idea, but I am not sure that would give your husband what he is looking for, and it also may remove the spontaneity from your own experiences and maybe make you just as self conscious as when your husband is watching in person. I am taking it for granted that it is a bit of self consciousness that is stopping your orgasms while being watched, or it may be that you behave differently with the other men when alone, and become inhibited while your hubby is in the room.
I will say that if he liked you coming home after, and also liked being there during… the filming would be something else he would probably enjoy. It is doubtful it would replace his wanting to watch though in my mind.
The compromise you are looking for is basically that you are just as entitled to get what you want in your sexual adventures as your husband is. It is one of those situations where my advise is just to state what you want and need.
Make it an every other time type thing maybe. He gets off on the watching, being involved, and sexing you up immediately, but you need some private one on one to get your rocks off. Say so.
It is great that you started with this activity to fulfill your husbands desires and it turned out to be something you really enjoy. I would guess that because of how you started the adventure and the description of your husbands reactions that he would be more than happy to do an every other time type play agreement.

 

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