The Swingers Attic

Tag: newbies

Canceling because the wife lacks sex appeal

by on Jul.23, 2012, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help, Playing with others, Unsorted

My husband and I are new to this lifestyle and we had our first
encounter with another couple in February. Like you both we(my husband
and I) consider ourselves “social swingers” we would like to forge
a relationship as friends and get to know the couple better before
moving forward.

His wife does not live in the country and she visits occasionally. In
February we meet 2 times, the 1st time for dinner where we had nice
conversation about the lifestyle and what we like and what they like
and past experiences good and bad. The 2nd time(in February) we went
out in a club environment and there was very little conversation as we
met up with another group of friends and didn’t really get to know
them. They were very patient and understanding for us as newbies!!

Within that time to now we have been in contact with her husband via
email and hung out once or twice. He (the husband) is really nice and
appealing to me, my husband find he is very nice as well, personality
and charm. Just as a note:- one of their rules are they always
“play” together and in the same room. We were ready to go if they
“played” separately. One of my husband fantasies is seeing me with
another man. Just hanging out with the husband added excitement to our
sex lives!!


The wife came back to visit last week and we meet twice so far and had
much more meaningful conversations, getting to know the wife better.
The predicament we are in right now is that the wife is not appealing
sexually to either my husband or myself. We have formed a cool
relationship with the husband but his wife lacks personality and sex
appeal. The wife leaves later in the week and they have invited us
over to their place, to have some fun before she leaves.

We are really do not want to go through with it anymore but we are not
sure what to say or how to turn down the offer without offending them.
We don’t want them to feel like we have strung them along either. We
also feel a bit rushed as they (the couple) want to get down to
business quickly before the wife leaves.
Can you please offer some advice on how to deal with this?

By Miranda-
My personal belief on this matter is to just make yourselves busy until the wife leaves and then gradually and painlessly disconnect with the husband.  If they only play together then there is your answer…let him go!  They may be nice people and you don’t want to hurt  their feeling but truly do you really want to say,” hey listen we totally want the mister for a threesome but you remind me of a door mat and we just can’t find you appealing?”  No you don’t so do this with grace and consideration, let the connection go quietly and he won’t even know you did it.  Something just came up and you two can’t make it…enough said.  Yes they will wonder if you’re blowing them off but really in the grand scheme of things they will already know that if you put yourselves in a sexual situation that you and your husband aren’t comfortable with.  I usually say honesty is the best policy but…in this case to avoid ill feeling just make yourselves unavailable. Hope I have helped and thanks for writing in, happy swingin!

By Aarron-
I am in total agreement with my wife on this one.
That is how we would handle it ourselves because 1) My wife does most of the pre-date chatty stuff, & 2) almost any other scenario would cause some sort of hurt feelings needlessly.
I would especially say that in your case as self described “newbies” taking one for the team or offering up a fuck to not offend or hurt feelings is not a great idea.
Hope it all works out for you.

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Wanting a woman without sharing her with husband

by on Jun.25, 2012, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help


Hi i wonder if you can help. my husband and I have been together for
10 years and have always been quite experimental. He has mentioned
swinging a number of times however I have always brushed it off
because I was too scared. I had a sexual fling with a woman a few
years ago and hubby loved it. Recently I have been thinking more and
more about having another woman at the same time as my husband, but I
don’t know where to start. I don’t want my husband to share the woman as
such I just want them both on me is aloud? I really am new to the
whole thing and need to know how to go about things. thanks for any
help in advance.

By Miranda-
Thanks so much for writing in to us and I know that sometimes getting started in new sexual adventures are sometimes a little scary and nerve racking.
The best way to go about finding a single female to fulfill your fantasy would be creating a profile on an adult couples dating site and seeking women who are first single and second bisexual. There are plenty of bisexual women looking for couples to play with and the best part about creating a profile is you can be as picky in your desires as you wish.
You don’t want the other female to play with your husband, no prob, many swinger girls just want to play with the female of the couple. It may take a while to find one that’s a perfect fit for you and your husband but don’t get discouraged and remember it’s all about fun so be patient and the right female will like your profile and want to set up a play date.
I hope this has given you a little push in the right direction and have fun finding a great girly play partner to fulfill your desires. Thanks again for writing in!

By Aarron-
Anything and everything is allowed as long as all people involved know the deal.
Finding a single girl to play with you while your husband plays with you too (with no playing between them) isn’t impossible, but will take a while.
An easier to set up scenario would be to find a couple with similar desires as your own and have a foursome where the only real sexual contact is between the two women and between the spouses.
A lot of couples new to the idea of sexual exploration with others go in seeking just a woman for a threesome or a woman for just a girl on girl type thing with the husbands watching.
Usually the play happens with just the girls and then the couples pair off with there wives for same room sex rather than swapping.
Having the husbands playing with their own wives while the girls play together is a semi-normal deal. If your not against another man in the room then I would suggest you go that rout as it is much easier to find couples via swingers sites than single females. Search for couples interested in soft swap and if they seem interesting send them a note explaining what type of scenario you are interested in.
The Just the girls and then same room sex thing is common enough that I’d guess we have had a hundred plus people contact us on the sites we use for connections asking for exactly that in the last two or three years just because we mention that we are cool with soft swap situations.
As such a situation is not exactly our personal thing we have met with very few of them, but on
the few occasions we have actually played with such couples it has often become exactly the scenario I described.


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