The Swingers Attic

Tag: non swingers

Swinger couples, open relationships, and lesbians

by on Nov.09, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:

Hi, a couple weeks ago National coming out day happened to fall on our casual dress day at work so I took advantage of it and wore an I’m out and proud shirt to work. That was my way of letting people know I was a lesbian. A couple people asked about it and that was that.
Within the week though two coworkers privately told me that they are bisexual. One of them is married and also a swingers and have an open relationship. I have always thought she was fun and attractive so I have an interest, but I am not sure how to proceed because she is married. I’ve met her husband before, and he is a nice guy, but I’m not interested in men at all. Do swingers separately date much? Would I be asking for trouble by pursuing a possible relationship with this girl? I understand that swingers are not monogamous so am fine with that. I am just worried that I could become attached and then be pressured by her husband or that I could embarrass myself by going for something that is against swingers rules.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First and foremost a gigantic BRAVO girly for coming out on the national coming out day.  That takes a lot of courage and I’m SO proud of you even though we’ve never met.
As for your coworker lady wanting to possibly hook up I Suggest getting together with her and her husband and talking about the situation.  Is this a girl you want to pursue a serious relationship with or someone who you’d like as a play partner.  You’re not a swinger so you may not be able to stay unattached, so think all angles through before you proceed.
There are plenty of couples in the lifestyle that play separately or have other partners that they’re in relationships with.  The one thing I adore about the lifestyle is that not one relationship is the same in its play scenarios, likes and dislikes, or rules and regulations.  The trick is to have open communication from day one.  What are they into?  What are you looking for?  Will you be alone in a bedroom with this female playing  or are you comfortable having the husband watch?  Is she looking long term or short?
Please make it clear you’re NOT interested in playing with the husband because lines can sometimes get crossed.  Make ALL of your intentions clear, make it clear you need them to clarify as well and then weigh the pros and cons and go from there.
I personally wouldn’t play or start a sexual relationship with a co worker but I work in ALL female environment so it’s like having too many hens in the hen house.  I always look out of my workplace for female companionship.  I wish you luck in your pursuit and hope all works out for the best.  Thank you for opening up your life to us and congratulations on your recent decision to not let a difference in sexuality dictate how you live your life…. simply beautiful!!!!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Swingers all have one thing in common. They in some manner open their sex lives to include others. Besides that they are as different as any other group.
Many swingers have a rule of “We only play together or not at all.”
Others are more open and do whatever they wish without even consulting each other. Most fall in the middle of those two extremes.
So because the girl you are interested in has said she is a swinger and in an open relationship could mean a ton of different things the only advice I can give is to have a sit down with first her, and then both of them to find out exactly what an open relationship is in their minds, and what type of swinging they do. When I say have a sit down I am not talking a 21 questions grill them on facts session, I am talking about just getting together and asking some questions as part of a friendly chat. Though swingers are usually pretty secretive, once they have told you of their status they are usually very willing to share all the details of their relationship and play styles.
As my wife mentioned dating within the workplace… so shall I.
That is a topic completely separate from your question, but please keep it in mind that even tough you are now out as a lesbian your coworker is not out as a swinger and the repercussions of being outed as a swinger are sometimes great.
It is politically and socially taboo to bash, be cruel, practice discrimination, etc… against gays, bisexuals, and transgendered people. Those who would wish to do so must bite their tongues, and if they are willing to face some heat or even legal actions they will still tone it down a bit.
Swingers have no such protection. Swingers are in general frowned on by the media and offered no sympathy in our current political climate. Please keep that in mind as you consider pursuing any sort of relationship with your coworker beyond that of just friendly.

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It’s OK Not To Swing At A Lifestyle Club

by on Oct.12, 2011, under Lifestyle Etiquette

Question:

My wife and I are not swingers, but we like to be in sexy and fun
environments. We have been to Sea Mountain Inn a few times, where
swinging goes on, but there is no pressure to swing and it’s okay if
you’re not a swinger. We would like to be in an SMI-type of
environment closer to home, and have been thinking about attending
some swinger parties that swinger websites advertise. We like to have
sex around other people, and watch other people have sex, too.
However, we are concerned about the reception we might get from people
at swinger parties when they find out that we aren’t swingers, and
are afraid we might not feel welcome. Would we be labeled as pariahs
once we get the non-swinger labels, or could we feel comfortable
getting to know people and having our own fun?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I would like to tell you how fantastic I think you and your wife are for wanting to be in the swinger environment and not actually play. We’re fun aren’t we??? lol I also think it’s wonderful you feel comfortable enough to go to Sea Mountain and just watch and enjoy yourselves. You are known in the swinger community as voyeurs. People who enjoy watching others partake in sexual acts. There’s nothing wrong with that and you’ll find out once you’ve hung out in the lifestyle that a lot of couples just have sex together while at places like Sea Mountain and watching others play. You’re like our own personal audience and I LOVE to be watched.
Please remember some may judge, and others will avoid because they’ll find you a waste of time, BUT I’d say 90% of all swingers don’t care and just like to have you around to party with, whether you partake physically or not. When confronted by a couple about playing you can either tell them straight out, “Hey we’re voyeurs,” (which I always say honesty is the best policy) or you can just tell them, “Thanks but no thanks,” or, “We’re playing alone tonight.” All answers are respected in the lifestyle and anyone who doesn’t respect them… do you really want to involve yourselves with them anyway…answer being NOOOOOOO!!!
I think voyeurs add a little something to each group play session and hope you stick with it and embrace you’re calling. Good luck and hope to see you out there…watching.

Answer:
By Aarron-
Looks like Miranda missed that you said you enjoy having sex around others as well as watching. It doesn’t really matter though as I think your main concern is how people will view you if you never play with others.
If you stick to the bigger clubs, well-known vacation spots, large party groups, etc… It will never be an issue.
One of the great things about swingers and the lifestyle in general is that almost everyone is very accepting of other people’s play preferences.
There are lots of people who attend lifestyle functions just to have sex in front of others or watch other people having sex. There are also many who just like to flirt or are seeking a place to be able to get extra naughty on a dance floor with their own partner without being judged.
In short… you won’t be judged at all.
The one exception to that rule is some smaller clubs and parties. Often these places or events are a bit more to the point when it comes to sex. It is all about getting down to business so to speak. If you don’t play you may very well be labeled the pariah.
The good thing is that most parties of this sort are by invitation or a who you know type thing so it is doubtful you would find one advertised on any major lifestyle website. If you stick to the better advertised or well-known events and places you will never have an issue.

I would like to ad that if you attend lifestyle events you will be approached and eventually asked to play. Flirting is often masked in small talk. Do be honest and let people know that you don’t swap partners. Sooner is better, and you will find that some people will immediately excuse themselves at that point. Don’t take offense, they are seeking play partners and not wanting to miss out on possible chances or in their minds waste time. If your honest and upfront about it they will think it is great. If you chat them up for an hour plus without mentioning it until they ask you if you wish to play you may have ruined their chances for the entire evening.

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