The Swingers Attic

Tag: playing

Jealous of how much the wife gets to play

by on Mar.08, 2011, under Insecurities, Lifestyle Etiquette, Playing with others

Question:
When we go to parties my wife is a total slut. She usually has sex with at least 4 or 5 men and at least one woman while I am lucky to even have sex with one woman. I get jealous of her being able to play so much while I am often left sitting and talking with another unlucky husband in the same situation. She tells me I need to become more outgoing if I don’t like it, but once she has left my side I lose all my confidence and am not able to approach people. How can I get her to play less or to help me play more?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think the answer to your questions involves you and your wife maybe compromising and finding the balance.  You and your wife play separately at these parties and I think for the time being you need to come back together and play as a couple. 
When a swinger couple delves into separate rooms during a party many times a couple becomes separate in all play situations.  So I think to avoid one person playing more than another you need to come together, couple hunt together and then play as a couple.  That way you don’t feel left out and your wife isn’t having more sex than you would like for the time being.  Your wife should understand the need for a compromise and if she has a difficult time adjusting to it remind her that while her needs were being met at the parties yours weren’t, so for now you need to feel a connection with her and you need to feel like you can participate along side her.  Sometimes you need the comfort and support of your spouse to be in a swinging situation and right now I think that’s what you need.  I’m not saying your wife shouldn’t be able to free range but right now is a time for connection. 
I think a couple’s equilibrium can become out of balance and its sometimes needs to be balanced out again by having both spouses together before you can venture out separately.

Answer:
By Aarron-
If your wife is having a jolly old time sexing up a storm and you are in stressed out bummed mode while left holding your dick in your own hand at a swingers party you definitely need to reevaluate how your going about things as a couple.
Often you will notice I say swinging is primarily a couples sport and the couple is a team.
In this case you are both letting the team down.
She is not paying attention to you and your needs.
You are not communicating your feelings and needs to her.
You both need to get it together and make a change in your game plan.
I’d personally suggest doing pretty much as Miranda said and start playing as a couple for a while rather than separately.
After a while of that you could go back to separate play at the parties if  that’s your thing, but with a new twist… Mingling together first as a couple then split up.
You mention losing confidence once she has left your side and that suggests to me that you may need her to make initial contact with people.
My wife is the social butterfly of our team and I know I would be distressed on my own at a swingers party if I didn’t already know some people.
Making the rounds together will help you break the ice and should get you comfortable talking with people.
It’s a lot easier to approach a woman when you already have met them and know their name.

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Nervous about my first possible sleepover

by on Nov.29, 2010, under Insecurities

Question:

I am not new to the lifestyle, but recently was asked by a couple if I could come over for the weekend while my husband is away for three weeks on business and even though I know the couple very well and have played with them before I am very nervous about a sleepover type situation without my husband there.
They are very nice people and it is not an issue of safety. It is more an issue of not knowing what to expect.
My husband is fully aware of the situation and says I am being foolish and should just go have fun since he is going to be gone. Why the hell am I so nervous about playing without him? Why am I so nervous about staying the night?
Thank you so much for your input.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Our spouses act as safety nets for us a lot of the time.
They encourage, protect and take care of us when we need it. In the lifestyle a lot of people play separately but my husband and I don’t at all.
I do have permission to go visit one couple separately and at some point I probably will but I’ll be nervous just like you are. When your husbands not there its like a piece of you is missing and he probably makes you feel comfortable to try new things. I understand your nervousness and you are valid in having insecurities.
I think its important to remember that you’re comfortable with this couple and your husband is as well. While you’re alone with them please practice open sexual communication.
If someone does something you’re not comfortable with or you think you’re husband wouldn’t be comfortable with make sure to voice that. The couple you’re going to visit will appreciate the honesty and that in turn builds a stronger sexual bond with the couple.   Each time you visit them you’ll feel more confident and comfortable when alone with them. 
I suggest that when you get there that you tell the couple upfront before anything happens that you’re having a little anxiety about the weekend.  That opens things up right away and they will probably put extra effort in making you comfortable. 
I think its good for you to have your sleepover since you say you’re comfortable with the couple, just make sure to be open and honest with all members of the party.  Enjoy your weekend and remember you can leave at any time if you aren’t enjoying yourself and if you don’t have a good time you don’t have to do it again. 
You being comfortable about the situation is essential and your feelings shouldn’t be down played.  You’re husband just wants you to have fun I’m sure but he should also listen when you have concerns.  I hope everything works out for you and you have a fantastic time.

Answer:
By Aarron-
New experiences make people nervous.
You are stepping outside of all your previous boundaries by visiting this couple alone and by staying the weekend rather than just leaving after play or going back to your husband.
It is natural for you to be nervous about it.
The socialization will be different and so will the overall vibe.
If you didn’t have a few butterflies I would think it strange.
I know I would be a tad nervous.
My advice is go for it and expect a great time.
Have fun with the new and nervous aspect of the situation.
It’s good to be a bit nervous sometimes.
It can add excitement.

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