The Swingers Attic

Tag: slut

Lifestyle hating sister in law calling me a slut

by on Apr.23, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:
Hello, I love your site and tell all our lifestyle friends about it.
My question is not about the lifestyle per say, but about dealing with my sister in law.
Last summer she found out that my husband and I are in the lifestyle and though my husband forced her through threats of telling their mother certain things about her not to out us she is still out of control when it comes to her treatment of me. Whenever we are out of earshot at family gatherings she calls me slut instead of me name. She also says it under her breath whenever she things she can get away with it.
She even addresses emails to me as “the slut,” instead of my name. My husband has asked her to stop repeatedly, but to no avail. Her own husband is also against the lifestyle, but stays out of it. He has said though that his wife is just telling it as she sees it. I’m hating the bitch and the situation is grating on me.
Hoping you had some advice about handling an evil sister in law who hates the lifestyle.

Answer: 
Miranda-
First and foremost I want to take the time to apologize to you for the very sloth like response time it took us to answer your question.  Due to a family emergency I wasn’t able to be at a computer, I apologize. 
I also want to apologize to you for your sister in law because in the lifestyle or not, it’s never acceptable to call someone a name or didn’t she learn that in grade school? 
Omg, you poor women, I just want you to know that for you to have withstood the torture and punishment as long as you have makes me believe you’re an absolute saint, and to be honest if I had a family member calling me a slut (as a derogatory term) every time we were together NOTHING would stop me from knocking the B out, I admire your self control and devotion to your husband’s family.  Bravo girlie! 
Now for some help with your uneducated self absorbed and extremely hurtful sister in law! 
I looked up the word, “slut” in the dictionary and and under the word it states, Slut 1. a slovenly woman (slovenly meaning person who is habitually untidy and or careless), 2.  a prostitute.  We all know the only person who is obviously habitually untidy or careless is your sister in law, who finds it socially acceptable to throw words around “carelessly and in a “habitually”  untidy manner.  Please inform your sister in law that while you may sleep with other woman’s husbands you do it with protection and not in a “slovenly” manner.    Now bring in the prostitute!!!!! 
In the dictionary the word prostitute is described as, 1. a person who engages in sexual activity for payment. 2.misuse (one’s talents or skills etc.) for money.  Now we all know you aren’t asking for payment for sex in the lifestlye of swinging so it just goes to show how absolutely SCARED and once again uneducated your sister in law is about your personal choices. 
Lets say your husband’s sister is trying to hurt you because of her fear and insecurities.  She finds what you do to be “wrong” but the only “wrong ” that is being done is for her to disrespect the wife of her brother. 
Ask her if she ever went on a date, had her date pay for dinner and then slept with him?  Well you could go as so far as to call her a “slut”  or a “prostitute.” She engaged in a sexual activity for a dinner paid for.  I could really rant forever on the subject but in conclusion you can always turn it it around. Turn it for her yourself  or send her our answer page.  I wouldn’t mind at all if you did. 
I’m SO amazingly sorry for you situation and I hope my answer gives you strength.  Because I don’t know your husband’s family it’s hard to give a concrete answer on what to do because we are all so different and on completely different life journeys.  I hope you find the courage to confront her and I truly hope your husband lays down the law because after all it’s a member of his family, but you as a wife are in essence an extension of his soul.  Your sister in law is disrespecting his soul. 
I have never wanted to hug a person who wrote us before but I wish I could hug you…honestly.  Thank you for enjoying our site and for opening up to us and our readers about a problem that others  suffer from.  That problem being, sexual discrimination and disrespecting  another being for their beliefs and  moral codes. 
Your sister in law hurts you and instead of lashing out you walk away.  Something your sister in-law can’t do.  Once again BRAVO for your goodness of heart and if you get the chance I would love to know how you handle the situation from here on out.  Keep us informed.  And as my stepsister always says… WOMAN POWER!!!!!!  lol

Answer:
By Aarron-
Dealing with family can be hard sometimes. It’s good that you at least have some dirt on your foul mouthed in-law to keep her shut up. It’s good, but also sad that you need it.
Unlike my wife I don’t applaud you for putting up with it and I also won’t jest about turning it around on her our knocking the B out.
I do agree that you have shown some extraordinary patience for putting up with it since last summer, but you really shouldn’t have to be dealing with it anyway. It’s your husband’s job in my opinion to take care of it. It is his sister. You married into the family, but when it comes down to it nobody said you had to deal with treatment like that when you signed on the dotted line.

Note: We here at The Swingers Attic are of the opinion that a “SLUT” is not a bad thing to be. We are proud sluts ourselves.
We have however responded to this topic based on the situation and how the word is being used as an insult.

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When the wife says no to quiting the lifestyle

by on Oct.08, 2010, under Insecurities, Unsorted

Question:

I thought I would like swinging, but it turns out it wasn’t really for me. My wife had never been with anybody before me and I didn’t know how much she would like having sex with other guys. She says that now we have started she won’t stop.   I didn’t think she would be such a slut and I don’t like it. How do I stop her from being a slut now and just being satisfied by me? The only thing she has said is that she would compromise and that we could do it just a few times a year.
I don’t want to do it at all.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Resentment such an ugly word and sadly it sometimes ends up controlling a relationship. 
You are going to resent your wife if she wishes to keep you playing and she is going to resent you if you take away her naughty fun. 
Its compromise that sometimes feeds the divorce papers into the fire.  I understand you don’t want to play at all and your wife needs to be supportive of your choice. 
You also need to ask yourself, “what is my wife getting that she obviously needs from these experiences?”  You may think it’s just to be slutty and have a good time but maybe its more.
Women have a tendency when first swinging to feel more sexy than they have ever felt in their lives. For some women its a way to break out of the routine of life and experience true freedom of ones self and sexually. 
I personally enjoy the rush, the freedom and the way my husband looks at me during. 
Maybe sit down and ask your wife, “honey, what is it that you enjoy most about the experiences?” You may be able to fulfill what she wants and desires at home if you knew or maybe she truly does need the lifestyle to help her in some way she hasn’t told you. In that case maybe playing a couple times a year to fulfill your wife’s sexual desires is needed in your marriage or maybe a break is needed to evaluate your situation.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First of all… You say slut like it is a bad thing.
In my world the word slut is a bit of a compliment.
I do know what you are meaning though so I will treat it as you mean it.
Your situation is a prime example of why most couples should really sit down and talk about every possible scenario that you can imagine when it comes to swinging before taking the plunge.
Decisions like these (If one doesn’t like it – do we both stop?) are best to be had before the problem arises.
Since you obviously didn’t have those conversations and make those decisions before taking the plunge you are now in a pickle.
Just as it is not right for a someone to force a spouse into joining the lifestyle or for that matter partake in any activity at all if they do not have a desire to do so, it is not right to force someone to stop doing something they find enjoyment in and obviously enhances their lives.
The fact that you are resorting to name calling (slut in a derogatory manner) shows that you are angry and hurting.
The fact that you are pointing out how much she enjoys sex with others rather than just yourself and that you mention a desire to have her feel satisfied just by you shows that you have some insecurity issues in regards to your wife’s and your own actions in the sexual arena.
These are some serious things to deal with and not something that should be set aside to possibly grow and become worse.
You definitely need to take a break.
At this point I would suggest you stop asking to quit.
Instead ask for a break until everything is sorted out.
Your wife should be understanding of your needs if you are honest and let her know how you feel in such a manner.
Telling her she must quit and calling her names is not the way to go about things.
Once you are on break…
Take some time and make the effort to figure out what really bothers you and why.
Take some time to explore your needs.
Take some time to explore your wife’s needs.
Be calm and rational. Don’t let fleeting emotions rule your head during these conversations.
Instead do some serious self contemplation and pay attention to what your wife tells you when she explains what she gets out of swinging.
Once things are figured out and if it turns out swinging is going to be a part of your lives I would recommend starting out slowly.
Maybe focus mostly on aspects you think you would enjoy most for a while.
Note that I said “mostly.”
Your wife has an equal say in everything and her needs are just as important as yours.
If for some reason you decide swinging isn’t for you after all of that and she still claims she must be a part of the lifestyle I really don’t know what to tell you.
I don’t believe in control of others. People will always do what they wish to do eventually.
Getting somebody to want to behave as you wish is fine, but forcing a person to behave as you wish never works in the long run.
Good luck.

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