The Swingers Attic

Tag: social skills

How to make a move as a single guy

by on Jun.26, 2011, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help


Hi, I am a single guy who is very interested in the lifestyle. I have a girlfriend “just friends”, who is bisexual and we have been going to swingers socials together. She has no problems meeting people, but as soon as people find out we don’t play as a teem I get ignored or shut out completely. I’m attractive and women flirt with me, and even introduce me to their husbands as a single guy. I assume that is the permission phase. It is at this point I always get shut out. The husbands of these women don’t want anything to do with me. I’ve had no luck at all. If you could give some advice on how to close the deal with a husband it would help me out a lot. Tips on how to approach a woman at socials would be great too. For instance you. What would be the best way for me to approach you and end up with a phone number or email? Possibly a date?

By Miranda-
Being a single male in the lifestyle is one of the hardest things.  The job you have to do to get well known and trusted is a job of shear dedication and determination.  You have to come across confident but not TOO confident, you must be available for most parties even if you aren’t feeling up for it that night and you have the responsibility to get into the ring of husband’s good graces without being too good lookin, cocky, overly charming, witty or ego threatening.
I don’t want to tell you that if the husband’s of all these swinger women are instantly dismissing you that you’re coming off as one of those things I have stated above but it’s probably true.  If you’re in the good graces of the women…so what, because you haven’t entered into business negotiations with their husbands yet.
You need to play it cool, not come across as desperate or too eager and remember once you befriend the husband…you’re in!  Women are simple, if you aren’t a complete moron or creeper and  you compliment them, tell them how sexy and exciting they are … you just caught yourself a lady, but you can’t walk up to the men and do that so here are a couple pointers.
1. Keep your hands outside your pockets and visible so the men can see you have nothing to hide.
2.  Always make eye contact even if they already don’t seem interested and
3. Don’t talk like a salesmen (men don’t want to be sold on a guy to fuck their wife).  They want a man who’ll come play openly, safely and in the end go home and wait to be called.
I also suggest only talking to couples when they’re standing together.  When a wife brings you over to meet her husband the last thing you want her husband thinking is, “We can’t take this puppy home.”  You want to introduce yourself to both of them and then hang around for a couple minutes then casually dismiss yourself.
If they’re interested they’ll both keep you talking and if they aren’t they’ll let you leave.  Some couples need an introduction, time to think about things, and then they’ll come FIND you at the end of the night.
Also you just need about three couples to find you as a legit, fun, safe and non threatening and you’re in.  You’ll be invited to parties BECAUSE you’re a single guy and you’ll have more play-dates than you know that to do with.
If you were to come on to me at a party… I don’t and Aarron doesn’t want you walking up to me and start flirting even before he’s met you.  So always remember respect and limit your flirting until you’re sure you have a chance with the husband.  I hope I’ve been of some help and I wish you the best of luck on your journeys into the lifestyle.

By Aarron-
Miranda answered that one so well I almost don’t have anything to say about the subject.
I will put a slight spin on a few things she said though, and point out to our readers that swingers social are off premise parties. These are parties meant to socialize and hook up, but no sex takes place at the party itself.
Things may sometimes work differently at an on premise party because people are looking for instant gratification.
First, flirting with the a wife who is away from her husband is fine and dandy at parties, but if you are looking to hook up it will lessen your chances if you have not already met the husband in most cases. You must remember that swinging is a couples sport and the couple is a team.
Also you must keep in mind that single men are not always just their for the wife.
Bringing that extra man in is just as often a desire of the husband because many men enjoy watching their wife having sex.
However you slice it though, it is the couples choice together and single men are a dime a dozen. Your job is to win them both over.
As for Miranda’s statement about three legit couples and your in, that’s true.
Once you have a few couples who are active in any certain swinger circles, cliques, groups, whatever, who have played with you and found you a good time who didn’t do anything stupid you will find yourself in swinger heaven.
That however is one reason your having trouble. Many couples only play with single guys they meet through other couples. It is a filter to keep away the drama and problems that can arise.
Swingers talk amongst each other a lot. They share the good stories and the bad.
Currently you are not a story at all. Be sure that you become a good one and you will eventually be overflowing with opportunities.

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Getting the “Real Seal” on LL

by on Mar.20, 2011, under Newbie Help

I joined lifestyle lounge through the link here on your site so maybe you made some money off me, and LL seems really cool, but to see everything you have to be real sealed.
My wife and I are just checking things out and aren’t actually swingers yet so we don’t know anybody to real seal us. How do a couple of newbies get real sealed?

By Miranda-
I will tell you that the way to get real sealed on LL is to start networking and start meeting people. 
Please remember just because you and your wife haven’t actually made the pact  to start swinging doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get out there go to a meet and greet or make a date with a couple for coffee or lunch.  We’re not so horny of a breed that we’ll just jump your bones in a parking lot…unless you want us to! 
On LL you need a real sealed couple to do the same for you and just meeting up and going to coffee lets the couple know, “Hey these are real people!”  You don’t actually have to have real sex to receive a real seal.  I wish you nothing but goodness if you decide to actually participate in the lifestyle and thank you so very much for the question.

By Aarron-
The Lifestyle Lounge Real Seal system is set up to show that people are really who they say they are.
A person who is just interested in knowing more about swinging and not ready to actually dive in can easily get real sealed.
All you have to do is meet some people who will real seal you.
The best way to do that is to go to meet n greets if you are not sure about actually partaking in swinging activities.
Meet n greets are usually held at restaurants or bars and offer a no pressure way to meet others in the lifestyle.
It’s pretty much just a bunch of people with a common interest getting together to chat.
To find these events in your area just go to the “Groups” section of the site and search for your general area or cities that are close to you.
For example… we live in WA so belong to groups that are Seattle based, Tacoma based, NW based, and even Portland based.
Once you are in these groups just read the posts or wait for group admins to send event postings to your inbox.
Meet n greats (unlike parties) are almost open to anyone.
Go to these parties and socialize.
Be honest and let people know you are in the “checking it out phase.”
If the meet n greet was through an LL group it will most likely be about a third LL members and a few people who are friends of those people.
You have now met people who will vouch that you are real by giving you a real seal.
Be warned though that if you are listed as a couple you need attend the meet n great as a couple if you expect to be real sealed.
If just one of you goes to the meet n great (Many singles get into the swinging scene through these small gatherings) people won’t wish to real seal you as a couple.
There are many other ways to meet people on LL beside the one I just suggested, but that is the most low pressure one I think.

Also, just because you mentioned it… We have links to Lifestyle Lounge here on the Swingers Attic simply because we like the site and use it.
We get no money if you join via our links to the site.

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