The Swingers Attic

Tag: soft swap

Wanting a woman without sharing her with husband

by on Jun.25, 2012, under Lifestyle Etiquette, Newbie Help

Question:

Hi i wonder if you can help. my husband and I have been together for
10 years and have always been quite experimental. He has mentioned
swinging a number of times however I have always brushed it off
because I was too scared. I had a sexual fling with a woman a few
years ago and hubby loved it. Recently I have been thinking more and
more about having another woman at the same time as my husband, but I
don’t know where to start. I don’t want my husband to share the woman as
such I just want them both on me is aloud? I really am new to the
whole thing and need to know how to go about things. thanks for any
help in advance.

Answer:
By Miranda-
Thanks so much for writing in to us and I know that sometimes getting started in new sexual adventures are sometimes a little scary and nerve racking.
The best way to go about finding a single female to fulfill your fantasy would be creating a profile on an adult couples dating site and seeking women who are first single and second bisexual. There are plenty of bisexual women looking for couples to play with and the best part about creating a profile is you can be as picky in your desires as you wish.
You don’t want the other female to play with your husband, no prob, many swinger girls just want to play with the female of the couple. It may take a while to find one that’s a perfect fit for you and your husband but don’t get discouraged and remember it’s all about fun so be patient and the right female will like your profile and want to set up a play date.
I hope this has given you a little push in the right direction and have fun finding a great girly play partner to fulfill your desires. Thanks again for writing in!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Anything and everything is allowed as long as all people involved know the deal.
Finding a single girl to play with you while your husband plays with you too (with no playing between them) isn’t impossible, but will take a while.
An easier to set up scenario would be to find a couple with similar desires as your own and have a foursome where the only real sexual contact is between the two women and between the spouses.
A lot of couples new to the idea of sexual exploration with others go in seeking just a woman for a threesome or a woman for just a girl on girl type thing with the husbands watching.
Usually the play happens with just the girls and then the couples pair off with there wives for same room sex rather than swapping.
Having the husbands playing with their own wives while the girls play together is a semi-normal deal. If your not against another man in the room then I would suggest you go that rout as it is much easier to find couples via swingers sites than single females. Search for couples interested in soft swap and if they seem interesting send them a note explaining what type of scenario you are interested in.
The Just the girls and then same room sex thing is common enough that I’d guess we have had a hundred plus people contact us on the sites we use for connections asking for exactly that in the last two or three years just because we mention that we are cool with soft swap situations.
As such a situation is not exactly our personal thing we have met with very few of them, but on
the few occasions we have actually played with such couples it has often become exactly the scenario I described.

 

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She just wants sensual girl on girl play

by on Sep.11, 2011, under Insecurities, Newbie Help, Playing with others

Question:

A while ago I went to my husband about my interest on having sex with
another women , of course my husband was right into that idea . We
joined a swingers site and met our first couple , on the first meeting
things got pretty wild , and the girl and I started playing around .
As us girls were going at it , I noticed our husbands had taken their
cloths off to lie beside their girls on the bed ,everything was going
good , but things got a bit crazy , The girl was very wild , very
rough , I always thought being with another women would be sexy ,
sensual , soft . The next day I felt very dirty , very embarrassed with
my husband , is this normal ?? right away I said I would never do it
again I was done in the lifestyle cause the experience was not what I
thought it would be . But a few days later I still have those feelings
of wanting to be with a very sexy , soft touch of a women am I crazy
to try it again ?? my husband and I are very open with each other ,
very much in love and he knows I don’t think I will ever want a soft
or full swap , just girl on girl play and same room sex with our own
partners and he is happy with that , I am afraid that when we are
comfortable with that he will want more and I don’t think I can ever
go there . for me this is about me wanting to be with a women and
wanting my husband to watch me with another women as I know he thinks
that is sexy . am I being selfish ???

Answer:
By Miranda-
First off NO you aren’t being selfish, you were pushed over your sex comfort boundary, and you don’t wish to try again.  I can’t say that I blame you.  I think it’s great you and your husband have such an open line of communication and I applaud your for that.  I think it’s okay to want one thing and not another, I mean, just because your husband likes chocolate ice cream doesn’t mean you do and vise versa.  I think it’s important to play within your comfort levels and if someday those comfort levels change and you wish to explore other options great and if not, that’s okay as well.
As for feeling dirty and yucky about yourself, I’m sorry you had to feel that way, but that doesn’t necassary mean ALL playdates will be that way.  You picked a pair of jeans too big for you and need to down size, the couple you met wasn’t the right fit.  If you think you’re being selfish for wanting what you want, think again!  All people have likes and dislikes, things they’re willing or NOT willing to do. If your husband wishes to include another male into your play circle maybe do it for him for special occasions, or as a reward.  Also if your husband is happy with just girl on girl and same room sex then maybe he is with no strings attached and who knows after time you may be wanting something different.  People change their sexual desire sometimes, so who knows in a year or so you may be in a different playing field.
I think it’s important to make it clear on your profiles that you desire a “sensual, gentle, soft” women to play with.  They are TOTALLY out there, and a blast to play with.  Just like in real life, it’s okay to set requirements even more so in the lifestyle actually because these “playmates, ” are fantasy, you can be choosier.  Take your time and have fun, what is fitting to one girl isn’t for another.  For all you know the girl you played with was thinking, “Wow I thought she’s be more aggressive?”  Lines of communications were crossed and you became ashamed of your self and your husband.
I always recommend couples setting boundaries in advance for example, “Hey guys my wife isn’t into rough, she enjoys things gentle.”  Communication isn’t just key in a marriage but also in learning about your playmates likes and dislikes.  Sounds like a little more communication needed to be established before entering into the bedroom with this couple.  It’s not anyone’s fault, just trial and error.  You’ll know better next time, so maybe you won’t venture there again.  I wish you two luck in finding the right girlie friend for you and hope you give the lifestyle another try…on YOUR terms.

Answer:
By Aarron-
First I would like tho talk about expectations and sexual partners.
Your expectations are just fine, and there are a lot of women out there who want nothing more than the soft touch, and gentle hands of another woman.
The whole appeal of another woman to some girls is the erotic , sensual, and different sort of sex they can get from a woman, instead of a man.
If that is what you are looking for then go and seek it it out. If your using websites to meet these people you need to spell it out clearly.
“Seeking the soft, and gentle touch of a woman. Not interested in aggressive sex.”
That little line ought to do it for you.
I know women so aggressive that they scare the crud out of both men and women all the time if the people are not ready for it.
One of my favorite playmates is a woman who is so aggressive in bed I make jokes about introducing people to her that haven’t been in the lifestyle long. She literally scares people off.
Another of my favorite partners I call a gentle breeze on the water.
She is soft, sensuous, and erotic. She is who I would seek if I wanted to feel calm and relaxed afterwards for days.
I like the variety that swinging brings me. So does my wife, but I don’t like all types of sexual styles. I have learned to seek out those who fit me and avoid those who won’t.
If you really want that soft touch you must make it clear from the beginning.
Now… on to the next part of your question.
Will your husband eventually want more, and is it fair you won’t go there.
Probably, and yes.
I have seen many people start in just the manner you are.
Girl+Girl with husbands watching or only participating with their own spouses.
Usually it ends up with the guy wanting to play with the other woman, or wanting his wife/girlfriend to play with another man.
Either way it happens you will end up in the same place most likely.
Just on averages I would guess that eventually it will happen or be asked about. Don’t be surprised when if it does.
Can you just straight up say no? Of course you can. Each step in the swinging lifestyle must be taken with great care to ensure that no disaster ensues. Each step is negotiated as separate things. Almost ALL swingers have set boundaries. The boundaries change as time goes on, but only with communication and understanding.

 

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