The Swingers Attic

Tag: swingers profile

Two for one – Single bi males and couples

by on Sep.24, 2011, under Newbie Help

We received two questions this month that are in general the same thing, so we decided to answer them as one.

Question:
I am a 59yr old male. I stay in pretty good shape(3pack-lol). I am
looking to swing with a bi-couple. What is the best way to find a
couple to enjoy some good times with.

Question:
I’m a recently divorced guy in my 40′s and wanting to get into the
lifestyle. Mostly I am interested in no strings sex and joining in
as a third with established couples. I am bi curiuos, but have had
no experience with other men. I’d like some advice on how to meet
couples who are looking for bi men.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First thing you want to do is find a web site that best suits your sexual needs. Our favorite lifestyle site is Lifestyle Lounge.
Evryone has different tastes in sites though, so I can’t say if it would be the best for either of you. We actually use multiple sites ourselves.
Once you pick a site you’ll create a profile and pay a monthly fee to join.  You’ll then fill in your profile with your sexual orientation and example of a few sexual likes (example: enjoys deep kisses).  With  being a bi curious male or bi sexual male you DEFINITELY want to include that into your profile.
Not including this could put you in a sticky situation.  Honesty is always the best policy in my book, so make sure if you’ve never played with a man before to include that in your profile until you actually play so you can decide from experience.
It’s definitely a little more tricky to find the male and female who are interested in a bi sexual male but it’s NOT impossible, please be patient and don’t get discouraged if you haven’t gotten an overwhelming response with your first personals advertisement.
You may want to look into going to a couple “meet and greets,” those are social lifestyle get togethers for just that… meeting and greeting.  They’re usually put together at a bar where couples can go to feel comfortable and get to know others from the lifestyle.
Generally the sites I told you about will have information on these events.  Remember to include a picture or pictures of yourself so that the couples can take a peek.  These pictures DON’T have to be naughty just something that lets them see your face and body shape.  If you aren’t comfortable with having a picture up you can always opt out of that and just e-mail it to couples who are interested but generally you’ll receive an even smaller amount of takers because to many couples that’s just another step in the process.  I hope this advice has helped you both and wish you the best of luck on your introduction to the lifestyle. Thank you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
As bisexual or bi curious males you are in a catch 22 position when it comes to the swinging lifestyle.
Of all sexual communities I have come into contact with I can say that the world of swinging is the most homophobic of any when it comes to men. On the flip-side it seems that many swingers expect and idolize bisexuality in women.
The weird way in which the masses of the swinging communities act in regards to bisexuality in males causes a problem for bi men, and at the same time gives an advantage.
You problem is that because of fears involving not getting play partners, being treated rudely, and generally ostracized, most bisexual males who are married do not mention their bisexual sides in their online profiles and do not openly show their bisexual desires at parties and other swing lifestyle gatherings.
This makes it very hard for you as a bisexual single to find couples through said gatherings that would be interested or to browse profiles and know who is actually bi on the swingers personals sites.
The advantage you have as a single bi male if you do create a good profile and have something to offer is that you will be contacted by these couples.
They too face the problem of what looks like slim pickings on the swing sites. Listing yourself as bisexual and wanting to play with both men and women will get interest from those couples who seeks such pleasures, but don’t list it in their profile.
As for the best site to find such couples and gatherings of people I can’t really say.
The site mentioned by Miranda… Lifestyle Lounge has the most sex positive and bi-male friendly atmosphere of the multiple sites we use, but it is also a the smallest as far as members, and filled with a more discriminating and unforgiving crowd than other sites.
If you live in a larger metro area, have social skills, are looking for the party scene, and are able to dress semi fashionably then Lifestyle Lounge is probably your best bet.
If you are not in such an area or just want to meet couples one on one then I would suggest going with AdultFriendFinder. The reason for that is that they are just plain and simple the biggest site out there when it comes to meeting couples for sex. If you go with AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF my biggest advice for your particular situation is to get a gold membership rather than silver (even though unless your very active it makes no difference in site use) because some people will consider a gold member more serious. My next advice is to really do your profile up nice.
I suggest you read my post on The proper order of the pictures for your profile.
Lastly for some AFF advice with your particular needs in mind I would suggest paying for the option of allowing non paying members to contact you if you don’t get a lot of email the first week or so.
The reason I suggest this is because AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF has a lot of non paying members who just browse profiles, but never sign up as full silver or gold members.
I once thought allowing non paid members to contact us would be an invitation to have all kinds of time wasters contact us, but I used some credits to allow it one month and actually met some great people I otherwise wouldn’t have.
Hope I have been of help. Good luck.

Ask a question about the swinging lifestyle on the Swingers Attic
Have a question for us?

4 Comments :, , , , , , , , , more...

The proper order of the pictures for your profile

by on May.21, 2011, under Newbie Help, Unsorted

A small guide to the proper order of pictures for your swingers lifestyle profile.

When we look at profiles on swingers networking and dating sites we are drawn to some and not others.
Some make us want to check out the profile while others make us skip it over it.

If you have a profile on a lifestyles networking or personals site you obviously want people to check it out.
You obviously want people to find interest.
Better yet… you want them to become interested to the point of desiring to make contact.

Your profile is an advertisement for you and what it is you are looking to find in the swinging community.
The words in your profile are the sales pitch and the disclaimers.
The photos are the draw.

So… here is a little guide to the proper order of the photos you use on the swingers personals sites you use.

Almost every lifestyle networking site is set up basically the same way.
You may browse, search, or view who is online with small thumbnails showing that you may click to see the entire profile.
You first picture is important because you want to let people see what you look like enough to arouse interest, but not so much that they think they have seen all you have to offer.

Most couples do not want to show their faces in the public pictures and that is probably a good thing.
Anybody can see that first thumbnail. (not just site members)
Because of this people tend to use body shots.

This is a good general front pic.

A good main picture for your swingers profile

Good example of the type of picture that draws the eye of the viewer yet hides the face on a main page of a swingers profile

What you don’t want to put on your profile as a front picture is a close up of genitals or an image with blocked faces. The first option looks trashy and scares away most real swingers while the second option is not visually appealing and many will just skip you by for lack of interest.

Once people have clicked into your profile you will want to show them a bit more.
The way most (but not all) sites work is that members must be paying and or verified by other members to see your open galleries of pictures.
That assures you that most of the random web surfers out there wont be seeing these pictures.
These images are still here to arouse general interest, but now it is for people who are actively seeking others.

Here is the place to show a bit more.

second set photos on your profile should show a face

This is a great example of a picture for your inside gallery. It shows the face, a bit of body while hiding all the 'private' stuff and also shows a tad of personality because the picture was taken outside and makes the viewer think of an outdoors type person. You do want to show your real interests in your photos.

You will note in the above picture the breasts and vagina is still covered.
It is much nicer to use strategic placement of objects etc… than block such areas out if you don’t wish to show them.

If you do wish to get a bit more risque then this is the place to do it.

swingers profiles special galleries pictures

Showing a bit more in the second set of galleries is great. You can show most anything you want here, but remember you want to save some for your special galleries.

Note in the above image that again we have hidden the face.
Personally I do not like hidden faces within the second set of galleries, but some people are uncomfortable with showing faces here.
It is very easy to put half a dozen sexy and appealing images within your second gallery without showing your face.

show your sexy side in your profile pictures

It is good to show your sexy side in your profile photos. Whatever you are into is fine. If you think it is hot and sexy then go with it.

In the image above you will note the girl is dressed in some sort of sexy lingerie and has a toy held to her breast. It is great to show a bit of what you are into in your second galleries, but don’t go to far here.
Many networking sites for swingers have rules against the more hardcore images in the open galleries, but some do allow them.
I would suggest not posting them here. Keep it simple. Think Rated R.

It is also important to make sure these images make you look appealing to the sorts you are interested in.
If you are a goofy , wild, party person… show it.
If you are a serious, contemplative, intellectual show it.
Don’t be fake because you will draw the wrong people.

Do however be enthusiastic.
Nobody wants boring.

Really check over your photos before posting them to make sure they are good

Looking bored isn't good. Maybe that "sexy" face you thought you made isn't really that sexy. Ask for a second opinion before you post something that you are not sure of. This image for example... Yawning? Or sexy?

Now if looking bored sounds bad… looking like a sleaze or creeper is just as bad.
Think before you post your pictures.

After these open galleries that we find when we first click into a profile is the “private” galleries.
Most sites have these set up with various permissions as to who can and can’t see them. It is all up to you basically.
Not just anyone will see what you post here.
It takes your permission.

So… if you are extremely afraid of your fellow PTA moms seeing you… this is the place for the face pictures.
Please note: You do need face pictures. Keep them private if you must, but don’t try and use a swingers personals site thinking you can get away without face pictures.
People do want to see a face before deciding if they want to have sex.

This is also the place for all those genital pictures some of you have a crazy desire to post so many of.
I will say this however… You don’t need a ton of genital shots.
Most real swingers can do without any and those who do desire to see them are fine with just a few.

Got a kink? Now is the time to show it.

Show off your personal kinks and likes on your swingers profile so you draw in the right people

Your private galleries are the place to show your personal kinks and fetishes. Into latex costumes like we have here? Awesome. This is the place for sharing.

The private gallery area is also good for your action shots.
If you do have and post action shots always post them here.
Mentioning them in the text of your profile may even get some people interested enough to write and ask to see them… thus opening up lines of communication.

Lastly, but not leastly… For the picture examples one female was shown. They are just examples and I didn’t wish to overload the post with images.
In your own profile you should have pictures of both the male and female halves of the couple.
At least one good body shot and one good face shot are a minimum for a decent profile.
Most active swingers will skip over any profile no mater how hot the person they see in the pictures if both halves are not represented.

It is a huge problem and a major complaint in the online swinging community that new people and people who… well, just don’t get it… post just pictures of one half. Usually it is the female half.
As I said before about face pictures = People want to see before they decide if sex is possible.

As a general rule I would suggest at least a ratio of two to one when it comes to both halves being represented. Fifty fifty is better, but not really necessary.
It is a must for you both to be represented though. If you skip posting pictures of both of you I guarantee you will be passed by many times by people who otherwise would have taken the time to look.

This article was written by Aarron and originally posted on another website we are no longer updating. We thought it would be a great idea to share it here on The Swingers Attic.

1 Comment :, , , , , , , , more...

swingers attic