The Swingers Attic

Tag: swingers profiles

Would exploring help me enjoy my wife more?

by on Jan.30, 2012, under Unsorted

Question:

My wife is very conservative in her sexuality, and unfortunately, it
gets a it boring for me. Lately I’ve taken to masturbating also when
we make love. Needless to say, I’ve been fantasizing quite alot and
masturbating alone more. So my question is, would exploring group sex
with others (perhaps with male and female couple) help me enjoy my
wife more? She’s definitely not into it, so I would be doing it on my
own. If you think this could help, how do I procede to find partners?

Answer:
By Miranda-
Okay so you should probably let your very conservative wife know that you’re bored with her and wish to pursue sex elsewhere.
If you plan on doing this behind your wife’s back…shame on you because somehow I truly don’t see your wife who in the first sentence of your question you call VERY conservative being okay with you sleeping with other people.
Now with that being said, if by chance you have spoken to your wife about such things then YES sometimes it helps couples kindle an old flame by having both or just one person of a couple take up the lifestyle. They sometimes take the situations home with them so in the bedroom they can verbally retell their sexual adventures which in turn arouses the other.
Now if you’re just looking to come home and have sex with your wife while thinking of the other sexual adventure and not share it with her or have her even know you are swinging, then NO it’s probably a really poor idea.
I don’t mean to be sound so judgmental and if your wife knows you’re thinking about taking up the lifestyle then fantastic, but you said you have been masturbating alone more and when you said you would be “doing it on my own,” it kind of sends up a red flag that your wife doesn’t know.
But if she does know I do apologize for any accusations.
Now in finding partners, all you need to do is find a swinger site such as Adult Friend Finder, join the site and create a profile. The rest is easy, just wait for inquiries and hope that as a single male you get chosen for play dates. Single men get a bad rap in the lifestyle because some men are dishonest about their profiles and also there are TONS of you out there, so the market tends to be over saturated. If you can make a good honest name for yourself in the swinger community you truly have it set because most single men are referred by other couples to other couples. So it would almost like building a clientele. I wish you the best on your journeys and hope you and your wife are able to get the passions of love flowing again openly and honestly. Hope you have a wonderful Valentines Day.

Answer:
By Aarron-
From the wording of your question I too think it sounds like cheating rather than swinging.
They are two different things entirely.
I will however skip the lecture and go with the assumption that you have spoken to your wife and she has given you her blessings because she is conservative in bed, but open minded in other ways.
Yes it will spice things up in most cases. It can completely reinvigorate some people even.
As Miranda said… making some profiles will do the trick, but only if you do it well. The swingers websites are full of single men seeking no strings sex. Couples have plenty to choose from, but still it is hard for couples to find single playing men because many are rude, don’t understand the swingers mentalities, don’t play by couples rules well, flake out, or are simply not very attractive in general when it comes to appearance, dress, attitude, or manners.
To be successful playing single as a male you must have an entire package worth the couples time.
The males who do succeed at this are very sought after.
Another option is to attend meet and greets.
These are off premise (no sex) meetings held at bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc… depending on your area where pretty much anybody can show up.
There are usually a few such regular gatherings in every major city and often a monthly such meet up in most smaller cities.
Finding them without knowing people is the hardest part.
Some are advertised in groups on sites while others are strictly word of mouth.

Here are a few previous Swingers Attic Topics that may help you in your endeavors.
Responding to a woman’s personal ad
That one is for obvious reasons.
Finding single men for swinging
A question from the other side… a couple asking about finding single men.
The proper order of the pictures for your profile
I used a female for the pictures, but let me assure you that if you don’t do the photo thing correctly as a male wishing to play alone that you WILL fail. As a male wishing the attention of couples and maybe single females you must have a well put together profile and that includes good photos. Don’t be another idiot with a cock shot and a blocked out face who wonders why the gals are not filling their inbox with requests for sex.
Solo And Traveling
My vanilla bar pickup advice at the end also kinda applies to meet and greets.
I am assuming you are out of practice in the pick up arena since you have been married long enough to be having the types of issues you have portrayed.

For a site to check out (it really depends on your area as to how busy a site is) I would most likely suggest SwingLifeStyle because of what you are seeking.
My wife mention AFF, but the single male ratio on that site is super high so I’m going with SwingLifeStyle.

Lastly, your wife may not be as conservative as you think.
I’ve unwrapped the package of many a conservative woman over the years to find that I had unleashed a beast.
Humans are animals. We all crave unless something is wrong or broken in us.
Your wife most likely has desires and fantasies too, even if she isn’t willing to discuss them or maybe even admit it. They may not be of a group sex sort, but they exist.

I hate recommending this book simply because of the title, but I have read it and it is pretty on spot with a lot of things.
It is short, cheesy, filled with a lot of obvious things, but it also has the key ingredients to bring a woman over if you have the patience and desire.
Getting Your Wife Or Girlfriend To Become A Swinger
This next one I haven’t read, but I know someone who has and they said it was worth the read.
Also the second review listed on amazon is by a well known swingers lifestyle blogger and she liked it, so that is something.
How To Turn Your Wife Into a Swinger

Good Luck!

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Two for one – Single bi males and couples

by on Sep.24, 2011, under Newbie Help

We received two questions this month that are in general the same thing, so we decided to answer them as one.

Question:
I am a 59yr old male. I stay in pretty good shape(3pack-lol). I am
looking to swing with a bi-couple. What is the best way to find a
couple to enjoy some good times with.

Question:
I’m a recently divorced guy in my 40′s and wanting to get into the
lifestyle. Mostly I am interested in no strings sex and joining in
as a third with established couples. I am bi curiuos, but have had
no experience with other men. I’d like some advice on how to meet
couples who are looking for bi men.

Answer:
By Miranda-
First thing you want to do is find a web site that best suits your sexual needs. Our favorite lifestyle site is Lifestyle Lounge.
Evryone has different tastes in sites though, so I can’t say if it would be the best for either of you. We actually use multiple sites ourselves.
Once you pick a site you’ll create a profile and pay a monthly fee to join.  You’ll then fill in your profile with your sexual orientation and example of a few sexual likes (example: enjoys deep kisses).  With  being a bi curious male or bi sexual male you DEFINITELY want to include that into your profile.
Not including this could put you in a sticky situation.  Honesty is always the best policy in my book, so make sure if you’ve never played with a man before to include that in your profile until you actually play so you can decide from experience.
It’s definitely a little more tricky to find the male and female who are interested in a bi sexual male but it’s NOT impossible, please be patient and don’t get discouraged if you haven’t gotten an overwhelming response with your first personals advertisement.
You may want to look into going to a couple “meet and greets,” those are social lifestyle get togethers for just that… meeting and greeting.  They’re usually put together at a bar where couples can go to feel comfortable and get to know others from the lifestyle.
Generally the sites I told you about will have information on these events.  Remember to include a picture or pictures of yourself so that the couples can take a peek.  These pictures DON’T have to be naughty just something that lets them see your face and body shape.  If you aren’t comfortable with having a picture up you can always opt out of that and just e-mail it to couples who are interested but generally you’ll receive an even smaller amount of takers because to many couples that’s just another step in the process.  I hope this advice has helped you both and wish you the best of luck on your introduction to the lifestyle. Thank you.

Answer:
By Aarron-
As bisexual or bi curious males you are in a catch 22 position when it comes to the swinging lifestyle.
Of all sexual communities I have come into contact with I can say that the world of swinging is the most homophobic of any when it comes to men. On the flip-side it seems that many swingers expect and idolize bisexuality in women.
The weird way in which the masses of the swinging communities act in regards to bisexuality in males causes a problem for bi men, and at the same time gives an advantage.
You problem is that because of fears involving not getting play partners, being treated rudely, and generally ostracized, most bisexual males who are married do not mention their bisexual sides in their online profiles and do not openly show their bisexual desires at parties and other swing lifestyle gatherings.
This makes it very hard for you as a bisexual single to find couples through said gatherings that would be interested or to browse profiles and know who is actually bi on the swingers personals sites.
The advantage you have as a single bi male if you do create a good profile and have something to offer is that you will be contacted by these couples.
They too face the problem of what looks like slim pickings on the swing sites. Listing yourself as bisexual and wanting to play with both men and women will get interest from those couples who seeks such pleasures, but don’t list it in their profile.
As for the best site to find such couples and gatherings of people I can’t really say.
The site mentioned by Miranda… Lifestyle Lounge has the most sex positive and bi-male friendly atmosphere of the multiple sites we use, but it is also a the smallest as far as members, and filled with a more discriminating and unforgiving crowd than other sites.
If you live in a larger metro area, have social skills, are looking for the party scene, and are able to dress semi fashionably then Lifestyle Lounge is probably your best bet.
If you are not in such an area or just want to meet couples one on one then I would suggest going with AdultFriendFinder. The reason for that is that they are just plain and simple the biggest site out there when it comes to meeting couples for sex. If you go with AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF my biggest advice for your particular situation is to get a gold membership rather than silver (even though unless your very active it makes no difference in site use) because some people will consider a gold member more serious. My next advice is to really do your profile up nice.
I suggest you read my post on The proper order of the pictures for your profile.
Lastly for some AFF advice with your particular needs in mind I would suggest paying for the option of allowing non paying members to contact you if you don’t get a lot of email the first week or so.
The reason I suggest this is because AdultFriendFinder -aka- AFF has a lot of non paying members who just browse profiles, but never sign up as full silver or gold members.
I once thought allowing non paid members to contact us would be an invitation to have all kinds of time wasters contact us, but I used some credits to allow it one month and actually met some great people I otherwise wouldn’t have.
Hope I have been of help. Good luck.

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