The Swingers Attic

Tag: threesomes

From Couples to Unicorns

by on Jun.23, 2012, under Spice

Question:

Hi, my man is very into swapping, but I am more into the girl on girl play. I have been trying to talk him into threesomes with other girls, but he wont allow girls who are not swingers and says unicorns are impossible. I know I could get girlfriends from work to join us, but he says it would end up being messy. I think my man is tripping. What do you think?

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think your man is looking out for you honey.
Involving coworkers into your bedroom equation can end badly. It can make work super uncomfortable and not at all a place you ever want to visit again. I will back you up though and say that unicorns aren’t impossible and actually really easy to find. Even if they aren’t swinger girls, go out to a local club, and if you’re putting out the vibe for playful fun, girls will SO love to partake, really. It just takes a little know how and skill, which isn’t hard. Just show confidence and let the female know your intentions up front. If they aren’t into it they’ll say no and sometimes they don’t even know they want to until the opportunity is given to them.
I know it seems risky and sounds full of rejection but take it from me, it is a great way to prefect your confidence even in the swinger world. I hope you give it a try or even a month worth of tries because I guarantee you’ll find your girl…or many. A secure couple for a single girl in a club is promising because they can play and then walk away. Thanks for writing in and good luck on your girly seeking adventures…out of the work place.

Answer:
By Aarron-
I agree with Miranda on avoiding people from the workplace unless you are wanting to possibly have a whole bunch of drama in your life.

Unicorn = Single bisexual female involved in the lifestyle that seeks play with couples.

Unicorns … I dislike the term as it implies mythical and nonexistent, when in reality it is quality couples who single bisexual females wish to actually play with that are most rare in my opinion.
Most people I have met who are actively seeking a “unicorn” are not what the unicorn wants.
They are often mismatched visually (one attractive partner with one less attractive) or they have security , jealousy, control, confidence issues… or are NOT on the same page at all in what they want and why they wish a unicorn in the first place. The super secure, no worries, no insecurities, on the same page completely type couples usually seem to have no problem making friends with single bisexual girls.
I have even noticed that it is often the “unicorn” that ends up making the advances towards such a couple at lifestyle parties and events.
As for non-swinger girls in general, I think that is even easier to accomplish. The only “unicorns” I ever deal with are ones we have met through mutual friends, or those who take huge steps to get together with us.
Single girls in the vanilla world are a whole different game.
Many will jump at the chance to play with a couple. It is often a fantasy that has never seemed realistic.
The trick is to simply have confidence, both be on the same page, and not be creepy.
It is best if you (the female) does most of the big time flirting if the girl is 100% vanilla because she is more apt to be at ease and wont have her guard up as much.
Don’t rush it. I’ve noticed that many people who have been in the lifestyle try to rush it in the vanilla world because they have gotten so used to the way lifestyle people hookup. Vanillas sometimes (not always) need some extra sweet talking and flirting.

Another thing I would like to point out is that any vanilla girl you pick up should be treated especially nice and that you must try and make sure she leaves feeling appreciated and special. As a vanilla in a regular club she did not sign up as a swinger looking for a quick hookup. You invited her into the mix. It is your duty to make sure she feels it was a good idea afterwards.

 

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Halloween worries and a girl from work

by on Nov.07, 2011, under Unsorted

Question:

My work throws an annual Halloween party that is such a big affair we feel obligated to attend so we miss out on a lot of wild lifestyle fun, but this year we even went a step further with my husband being one of the designated drivers. The last person we brought home after the party was very drunk and talked us into coming inside to hang out for a while. I was very drunk too and I flirt a lot when drunk. We ended up having a threesome. My husband is now regretful and though it was me who started it all claims it was his fault because he was sober. The girl is a long time friend of mine and she talks a lot so my husband is sure she will eventually tell people. I’m not so sure and keep telling my husband that it wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway. He is a machinist and part owner. He is just worried about people talking. We have been in the lifestyle for close to ten years. I keep asking him what the worst that could happen is, and he keeps saying your just not supposed to tell and that people wont understand. I think it may be a good thing even if she talks. It would be nice not to lie to our friends all the time about who our other friends are and why we can’t invite them along sometimes when we go out.  I’d like to hear your opinions on this.
Thanks for the great site. I read it mostly for fun, and have wished a few times I had something to write in about. Now I do. I should add that we have been toying with the idea of exploring polyamory, but my husbands fear of people talking has been the big hurdle.

Answer:
By Miranda-
I think its okay that you played with this girl from your work.  I don’t think the situation poses a threat to you or your husband…or the girl.  Your husband needs to remember that this lady played too, she wasn’t just watching so unless she’s openly bisexual and wants everyone to know her business I think you two are safe.  Also if she’s a long time friend of yours just ask her to come over to talk about the play night you had.  Ask her how she’s feeling about it and in turn you’ll know where she stands with the whole thing.
Just assuming she’s going to spill the beans is a little presumptuous of your husband so with open lines of communication all will be revealed.  If you’re feeling strange about asking her to your house maybe ask her to lunch so you can talk.  I always say communication is key and I’m a firm believer of that.  Talk to her, tell her your concerns and go from there.  You don’t know until you know so…find it out.
You mentioned wanting a polyamory type relationship possibly one day (not necessarily with this girl) well I’ll tell you that relationship isn’t EVEN possible if you don’t practice complete honesty in the first place.
I hope I’ve helped a little and encouraged you to be true to yourselves and open up to this female with your worries and even possibly your expectations for future encounters with her if at all.  Maybe she’s thinking, “Omg I’m so embarrassed because I felt comfortable with this couple and they haven’t talked to me and I really liked them and hoped for a budding relationship.”  Or maybe she’s regretful and needs to be reassured it’s okay. Or worse scenario she’s thinking,  ”What if they tell people????” lol  You’ll never know until you ask her so just ask!

Answer:
By Aarron-
Though I usually always take the stance of keeping sex and relationships out of the workplace, the situation you describe doesn’t sound like it is much of a possible problem. Not saying that it couldn’t become one, but as you described it I think all sounds pretty good.
She is a long time friends so you can easily talk to her about the situation. Do so.
It is that simple.
If she really is a friend she should respect your wishes of privacy. Also you could be reassuring her of the same thing. If she hasn’t mentioned it yet then it is a safe bet she doesn’t plan on it, and may actually be worried you will spill the beans.
On the subject of your husbands worries… He is right. Being out as a lifestyler will make people talk. They will talk a lot. Some people will possibly even distance themselves from you. People you thought to be friends will turn out to be judgmental assholes. People you may think wouldn’t understand at all will come forward with questions and support. You will most likely be surprised by the various reactions. The only for sure reaction will be that many will will talk, and many won’t understand.

On a personal note I will say that I am in support of anyone who can be out as non-monogamous being out.
I believe that the more people who do let it be known the better people who are monogamous will understand.
It doesn’t matter if you identify as a swinger, poly or both when it comes to the value of being out for society. It gives people a real face to the concept rather than what they get from rumors or media hype.
When you tell a vanilla you are a swinger there is a good chance they think you are having random key party sex. They may think you attend orgies and participate with every single person who makes an advance. They may think you are being abused and forced into such actions by your husband.
Those are a few general misconceptions of many vanillas because they have never had anyone real to associate with the concept. Everyone who is out helps dispel those misconceptions.

 

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